Bed wetting at nearly 5

[jasperc163]

DD1 took a while to be dry at night (by about 4) but has been ok for quite a while. Since starting school (now nearly 5) she has had quite a few accidents (often not waking up or at least not fully awake and not aware that she has done it). She is a sensitive type but seems happy with school although I realise that the change of environment will no doubt have stressed her a bit and that this is probably something to do with the problem.

Just want to know how common this is at this age? Any tips or suggestions?

Many thanks
jasper

Ds1 wasn't independantly dry at night until 8yo, and only with lifting for about a year beforehand. Dd has been dry at night for the last 8m, since she was 7 and a bit, and we still lift her. She occasionally takes herself to the toilet.

So I would say it is perfectly normal to wet the bed at your dd's age. Particularly as you link it with starting school. Even if she is happy there, it is still a tiring and overwhelming environment.

Two suggestions:

1. Lift her at your bedtime.
2. Perhaps put her to bed a little earlier.

BTW Do you know about making the bed up double?

Fitted waterproof sheet, fitted bedsheet on top. Then another waterproof sheet - this one flat - and a second fitted bedsheet over it.

This way, if you have to change the bed at night, all you do is whip off two layers, no making the bed up again. And you get back to bed sooner, too!

It's pretty common at this age - DS is 6 now but this summer he was wetting the bed fairly frequently and went through a brief spell of daytime wetting, well two or three incidents, when over-excited. It;s not generally regarded as unusual enough to need attention unless the DC is still wetting regularly past the age of 7.

DS2 5 in Feb has just started full time school. He loves it but is no longer my lively happy boy during the week. He's my cuddly zombie. At night he's back to having a pull up (which is generally wet come the am) because he's just too exhausted by everything to remember to get to the toilet when half asleep.

I know I'm not the only parent in his class experiencing the same because I slightly embarrassingly raised it chatting with others yesterday and it was a definitely a shared experience.

thanks everyone - thats really reassuring. I suppose we could try 'lifting' when we go to bed -do you find it generally doesn't bother them? Doubling up also a good idea.

She has intermittently had a potty in her room as she is half asleep and this generally worked well as a half way house so she didnt have to go to the bathroom, but maybe she is more tired now and so just not waking up when it happens. She also sometimes sits on her bed screaming because she needs to go to the loo but isn't awake enough to work out what she needs to do. This morning though she was saying she had sweated alot in the night and was damp - turned out her clothes and bedding was soaked with pee. Poor thing. Maybe lifting is the answer...

Sorry ANTagony just seen your post. Thats interesting. I mentioned it to the teacher and she didn't say 'oh yes its commmon' so I am glad to hear it is.

Lifting doesn't disturb them in the least. I walk them to the loo, soemtimes with an arm under each of their arms, because they are still asleep! Occasionally we have strange conversations while they're on the loo - one night dd told me "I walked through the door and the community stood up." And then requested me not to take any more photographs. They never remember anything in the morning.

Interesting what you said about the screaming, because both of them did something similar when they started taking themselves to the loo in the night.

another one here who still wets the bed. ds2 is 6 and is still in nappies. It's easier and less upsetting for him to keep him in nappies than him being soaked in bed (as happened last week when I forgot to put the nappy on). He's not stressed by it. I guess it just shows how they are all different ds1 was dry at night by 2.5yrs.

My brother was about 8 before he was dry of a night.

thanks everyone. We tried 'lifting' last night and she has no memory of it this morning so maybe its the way to go for a while.

lifting isn't recommended by enuresis (bedwetting) specialists as it doesn't help train the body to be dry

10% of 5 year olds wet the bed, it really is nothing to worry about. It sounds in your dd's case that school is making her tired and she's sleeping more deeply, so finding it hard to wake up to go to the loo.

Does she drink much before bed? better not to, have a drink with tea, then only a little afterwards. Make sure she drinks plenty in the day though.

No dark coloured drinks, no coke, caffeine etc

Wee before bed, twice if possible (wee, then teeth and wash, then wee again)

and good luck :)

oh dear - I see your point bumpybecky but now i am really stumped. Everything i am reading on lifting now also says you need to fully wake them so the still have sensation of peeing if you are going to do lifting.

Is there no point in lifting in terms of allowing further maturity of their ability to hold urine overnight?

She doesnt drink that much in the eve and never has anything apart from water or milk and always wees before bed. I am distressed by the idea of her lying in it all night if it doesn't even wake her (she was happy this morning that she hadn't had an accident so at least the lifting avoided the distress).

We have started lifted DD2 at night (she is nearly 4). She has been having a few accidents and she's in the top bunk which i don't think helps.

She goes for a wee before bed at 7.30 then we lift her when we go to bed and she hasn't had any accidents since we've been doing that. Although she did last night because DH didn't lift her before he went to bed

agree with bumpy - DS1 is 10 and still wets >> - but was told not to lift as his body need to learn to recognise when they need to go

FWIW - DS1 rarely wakes when he wets - he's never distressed by it.

I think though it's very common when they start school for bed wetting to creep in for a while, I think for most children it comes back quickly once they're settled in/less tired.

we lifted dd1 for ages! I don't think it hurts, but it doesn't help either IYSWIM. We could never really wake her up though. She'd talk, DH used to get her to make silly sounds etc!, she had to walk downstairs to the loo and back, but never had any memory of it. Some kids just sleep very deeply.

dd1 was never really distressed by wetting, and didn't wake up either. If I were to have a bed wetter at 4-5 years old again I'd stick with nappies / pullups. Least stress all round.

Luckily for us dd1 is the only one so far (ds only 2) with this problem

You know what - the enuresis clinics can go and take a running jump!

I have lived this. Both as a child and as a mother. I've gone through most of the treatments, either myself, my siblings or my children.

Shall I tell you what works? Whatever is least stressful.

I remember how upsetting it was for me. I used to get up after my parents had gone back downstairs and disconect that bl@@dy alarm.

If a child is physically not ready to be dry, then no training, no restrictions, no rewards, no lifting, and no alarms are going to change that. All theses things are going to do is increase stress and upset everyone.

However, if they are begining to be physically ready to be dry, and lifting them keeps them dry, then go ahead. Because ditching the nappies and waking up in a dry bed will give them such a sense of maturity and self-respect. And will make life so much easier for you, too.

A child who has been dry, and starts wetting again, needs to be assessed for the cause. Starting school is a reasonable cause, as is the, birth of a younger sibling, a house move - any upset to the status quo, really. Overtiredness can also be a cause, as can threadworms, UTI, or other illness.

A child in this situation needs support, not training. Make sure any illness is treated, of course, or stresses addressed, but go ahead and lift them, keep them dry, keep their confidence up, and when they are ready/less tired/settled in the new school etc, they will take over keeping themselves dry again.

BTW, re waking them. I tried, but ds1 is such a deep sleeper it was impossible. Eventually I stopped trying, just got him to wee. Nonetheless, after about 12m he was taking himself off to the loo independently.

thank you everyone I really appreciate the different viewpoints. PrettyCandles your post was interesting as I agree - at the moment alot of it is about maintaining her confidence and self esteem (at a time when she is having to deal with starting school). Going back to pull ups after a year is not going to help that. This morning she was proud that she hadn't had an accident. I realise that lifting isn't going to cure anything but maybe it will buy us some time until she is a bit more settled (and hopefully developmentally more ready)?

As your dd has been consistently dry at night, she is developmentally ready. As long as you are confident that she has no illness (and nothing you say suggests that she may do), then all you have to do is support her self-esteem by helping her stay dry, and just wait.

(Sorry if I was a bit strident before...it's an emotive subject for me.)

PrettyCandles, I'm not going to disagree with you :) I can see where you're coming from and to a certain point agree with you.

We found dd1 just got too big to lift though! eventually we had to start following the advice of the clinic (not that the alarms and charts helped for long). dd1 is currently medicated, she's 12 years old and still has a problem :(

jasper, if lifting is working for you and your dd then carry on :) I'm pretty sure once she settles into reception and gets used to longer days the problem will sort itself out :)

Thanks PrettyCandles - whilst she has been mostly dry at night for a few months, she has sometimes got up in the night and used a potty in her room. Occasionally we would have the problem where she was not really awake and screamed because she needed to go to the loo but couldn't wake herself up properly. So whilst she is probably pretty much ready, we have had a few blips and I am not totally convinced that she is realiably able to get through the night without having to get up (which she often did on her own).

I think that the fact that she is probably a bit more tired is a contributing factor as she just isn't waking up to go. I am sure she is also a little stressed by starting school as she is that type of personality but I don't think there are any significant issues or that there are any health problems.

As you suggest, i think at the moment I need to keep her morale up and just see how it goes

thank you

Bumpbecky, it's just curiousity really, but what medication? Dd is on oxybutinin, which has transformed her. I had to fight to get her treated, as she was only five when I decided something had to be done. "Its normal until age 7." Yeah, really. To be constantly wet, day and night?

Ds1 briefly used desmopressin for trips away in the last month or two before he was reliably taking himself to the loo at night.

I hope oxybutinin and desmopressin are compatible, because I can see dd needing desmopressin if she stays anywhere without us.

PrettyCandles, I've sent you a private message as was getting a bit personal about dd!

We've not had any trouble in the daytime, that must be very hard :(