Can't face another battle over supper time - every meal is a battle and am so demoralised by it

[springishere]

DS is 3 and supper times have just become a battle ground. I really feel like I just can't face another supper time with him! Sometimes (very rare occasion) he is fine and just eats it all up, most of the time it is battle of him turning his head away, telling me he won't open his mouth, refusing to feed himself and when I try, clamps his mouth shut, sometimes he does eat if I feed him. It is food he likes and as had before but just won't eat. I have tried every bribe under the sun, I've threatened to take toys away, I've put the timer on and told him it will go in the bin if it's not eaten by the time timer goes off, I am at a loss of what to do next but really need to do something as this is just awful. He would probably be happy to totally miss a meal if I let him.....arghhhhh!

So let him miss a meal. He won't starve himself. I must say we really struggle with DS (4.5) around food too. But its much better when we step away from the fight - so much of it is about controlling what they can.

Just had the bizzarre tangential thought that it seems to be all boys who are like this at this age, then all girls when they are teens.

I just say to DD1 (3.10) to get down, that's fine, but there is nothing else. Tea stays on the table until bedtime and goes in the bin then if she hasn't eaten it. I will NOT engage in it and she knows what will happen. No arguments or fuss, and if she comes and finishes her tea (which 95% of the time she will) I will then not congratulate her, but just ask what flavour yoghurt she wants for dessert.

I had similar trouble with DS (almost 3) recently and also used crispythecrisps approach. As long are you are giving them something that you know they don't positively hate, then you know that they can take it or leave it. If they leave it you don't need to stress. I have to say that this has worked far better than anything else I've tried.

Yes, just don't have the battle.

It's this or nothing. Eat the main course (or most of it) and then you can have pudding. You don't want any, are you sure? Fine, you'll be hungry, ok off you go.

He's gone without any tea I'd say about 5 times in the last year, so that's not bad really (he's nearly 4).

They can cope without a meal you know! He just has loads of breakfast the next day.

Trouble is what if they do 'positively hate' lots of things? We too adopt the eat it or leave it approach but more often than not my seven year old would leave it. So either he only eats half the meals I prepare or we end up eating the same meals repetitively that I know he will eat...

yes, that's a tricky one that we have too. My DS is generally good with the stuff he knows, but won't touch casserole/anything new. It's tempting to give him the same stuff day in day out, but I read somewhere you need to introduce stuff before they're 5, he's almost 4... hmmmmmmmm

I never offer him anything else, I always say this is supper and if you don't eat it there isn't anything else, he's fine with this and doesn't ask for other food, I think he would quite happily miss every supper if I let him, or eat a tiny tiny amount. If he doesn't have enough to eat he becomes really hard work and tired so it then gets into a vicious circle.

Ah yes, that familiar vicious circle. Is this tea time you're talking about? There's not long from tea time to bed time = not too long hard work!!!!
Try giving him the responsibility re what/how much he eats. He may surprise you.

He will happily tell me what he would like so I cook it all and he sits down and says yummy and then the fun starts and he refuses to eat.