ignoring naughty behaviour in 2.9 yr old with new baby

[driedapricots]

my dd 2.9 yrs has started being really naughty in the last few weeks - we have a new baby (9 weeks) and I can only imagine its a reaction to this...although she has always been very strong minded and thrown bad tantrums since about 18 months. Recently its been so bad i've felt like i'm under house arrest by a toddler - refusing to get dressed if we need to go out, demanding treats every 2 minutes.....the usual stuff really and similar to some of the other threads on here about stubborn toddlers. i know why it is, i just don't know how to stop it. being tired i'm aware i'm not reacting very well and get easily wound up, shouting and sometimes really losing it (a smacked hand the other day was the last straw..although she responded by yelling at me to 'do it again mummy'??!!)
so in the past i've tried to just ignore bad behavior and reward good, but should i continue this now? Wth new baby on the scene i'm conscious dd1 may feel she's getting less attention as it is. Also if we really need to get out and be somewhere how can you realistically employ the ignoring technique and wait for dd to come round as this can take hours! i've tried naughty spot (she has to go into her cot as we're short on space) and this works with limited success but again it can take hours for her to calm down/give in, only for another tantrum to flare up minutes later. i'm dreading the week ahead if it's anything like last week...please help!!

Hmm. It's tricky; there's attention seeking, but there's also seeking reassurance that despite this new arrival things are still as they were, the rules are the same, etc. My take would be to make as much fuss as you can of her when things are good, lots of stuff about being the big sister, and helping to look after the baby.

Then also lots of briefing as to what the plan is for the day, and the morning, etc, so she knows what's happening, and when fun stuff will happen. When she tantrums, if you have time, try to just calmly tell her you'll be back when she's calmed down, and walk away - if you don't have time I guess the only thing is to remain calm, and if she doesn't have shoes on, tell her it's up to her if she has cold feet, stick them in your bag and then you can get them on later.

Good luck. It will get easier!

absolutely ignoring is the best thing.

she's after attention.

Things I did with DS2 when Dd was born was:
talking to dd saying 'oh what's that, you think ds is great, oh me too'

saying to other people how much the baby likes him/how good he is with her etc

and give attention for any small bit of anything he does 'oh you walked so carefully around her chair you are such a clever big brother etc'

also then they get more attention
asa result he loves her and is very good with her.

Ds1 on the other hand when DS2 was born hurt him alot, I shouted/told him off/naughty step etc andit made him so much worse. wish I had ignored it all as this still works with him now

sorry typos bfing!

god luck gets easier.

Big hug, I thought mine was fine after a couple of weeks and then had hell on earth unleashed. The only way through it was to play up the good side of being the big sister, while doing unashamed bribery (oh dear the baby is too little for this biscuit).

As for the treats they're a double edged sword. We ended up doing a star chart where she would get a treat for every three stars.

Go easy on yourself, I found I usually made it worst when I flared up too (easier said now!) laughing at her silliness pulled her up short a couple of times, getting her teddy dressed up in her coat instead of her, taking her outside in her PJs without any show of backing down.

Acting like an idiot around the baby helped too - I just asked the eldest what I should do next when the baby was crying, trying to get her to bond with her sister was a big thing for me.

thanks ladies.we really are doing all the positive stuff, lots of praise when she's good (feel like a blimin kids tv presenter from 7am to 7pm!) and involvement with the baby and the pre-warnings of what's happening each day. that's what's puzzling me, i 'think' i'm doing it all by the book...and it's not working!!! DH and I even left baby with in-laws to take dd1 to the zoo on sat - a whole day of our undivided attention and 'family fun'...hmm..whinging, grisling and screaming:(
i think it's my reactions to the tempers that i'm most worried about..but i guess they know how to press all the right buttons. i am going to really try and stay calm / walk away this week though.

Do the "there's a film crew in my house" thing, when you feel your calmness fraying - imagine you're the star of reality tv show about your parenting, and talk as if Kirsty Allsop is narrating what you're doing - a good tip that I read here, which helps you come back from the edge.

Habbibu - YES - I personally channel the spirit of supernanny.

I have also trade marked "I can't hear you when you use that voice can you speak more clearly?" wait two seconds then walk away

I love all of the tips on here.
My problem is having a 2.7 yr old as the youngest, a 6y old in the middle & then a know it all supernanny 8y old in the middle (all girls)

I'm in the take her to school in her pj''s camp & dd is in the I know best, bribe her with chocolate at 8.30am camp.

Hard work, will be watching with interest x