I get so cross - help!

[couldtryharder]

Firstly let me say that I love me kids very very much and wouldn't be without them. But my daughter (nearly 5) makes me SO CROSS!!! Sometimes I really, really don't like her at all!!!!! But that's so unfair, she's only 5! When she is behaving, she is such a lovely, bright, expressive, funny little girl, but when she goes (about 5 times a day over the weekend) it's unbearable. It can be over anything that doesn't go her way or that is denied her. Crying, screaming, shouting, threatening, flailing on the floor. Most of the time I try to be calm and ignore the behaviour and praise her when she is being good. I try to put her in a time out place to let her calm down but nothing seems to work. But often, I am sad and ashamed to say, I lose my temper and just get really cross with her and then my behaviour is just as bad as hers. I know as her mum, I have to take responsibility for her behaviour, but I find it so hard. She has a terrible temper and pushes all my buttons. My 3 year old son is no angel, he has his moments too, but nothing like my daughters. She demands things are given to her, is never satisfied with what she has got and is ungrateful for everything she has. It's never enough for her. I really try not to spoil the kids and they don't get everything that they want but they are lucky in that we can look after them well and buy them nice things. I'm sad to say that I vowed I would never ever smack my kids, but I have resorted to smacking her on occasion because I don't know what else to do.

I just feel like I've got it all so horribly wrong. I feel like I'm failing her but I don't know how to put it right :-(

I know exactly how you feel - I have two boys (4.3 and 2.8) and my eldest displays behaviour that is extremely antisocial (as well as being extremely loving and bright at other times). Sadly, I also lose my temper and feel very ashamed afterwards. I end up apologising like mad and then of course my boys feel like they are in the right, despite their bad behaviour that led to my losing it. Then of course I feel my behaviour is only fuelling theirs.

I am starting parenting course very soon which is run by my local surestart centre which I hope will help. However, I am also investigating the child psychologist route to address the issues which my eldest son has.

Sorry I have no answers for you. Just wanted to let you know that I am sitting here and can empathise.

Thanks cactoosh. Good luck on the parenting course, might check that one out myself.

See there we go. Been perfectly pleasant and fine, laughing, playing and chatting to me. I've just cooked her dinner one she's had before and liked and she's gone nuts about it. I'm not eating this, it's horrible, make me something else right now, I'm going to push my plate away. Then thew all her hair bobbles that were on the table on the floor. I put her in time out, she hit me, I smacked her bum and now she's howling the house down. I know I am in the wrong for smacking her bum but what do I do? Sorry.

Is she just tired? Has she recently started reception?

Maybe an earlier supper and bed time might help?

Is there a bit of sibling rivalry going on?

we have just had a really rubbish end to the day and yes, i also lost my temper several times (especially when dd aged 3.11 kicked and pinched me on the way to the naughty step.) sometimes it's just a bad day. utterly demoralising though, i feel like crying. i think you just have to say you did the best you could and not beat yourself up about losing it-it's not ideal but you're definately not a child line candidate. i have smacked one of mine once or twice and i definately think it was not a useful step as it didn't change the behaviour and i found i was ready to smack them again next time quicker and made me realise was not a good idea with my 2.
how about telling her to pick her hair bobbles up unless she wants you to give them all to the child next door/oxfam/top cupboard for a week. if you follow through with this one it works-ds has lost 2 tractors to the cupboard and dd has been persuaded to put toys away by threat of all of them being given away. (she knows i meant it)
in summary-i think they lose it to a new level when you lose it too. and days where i am feeling miserable become days that they behave incredibly badly.
right, i'm off for a curry with my best friend next door to cheer myself up
keep trying to smile could try harder
and yes, 3littlefrogs, my kids were tired and had snotty noses and have just started back at nursery so def related

Hello,
I can empathise, also get cross with DS (nearly 4). We have started a no tolerance policy on bad behaviour. One warning and then he goes to his room. This works for us. Getting him out of the way means everyone can calm down (naughty step/time out didn't work for us as too much still there!). He's only there for a short time, well ideally 4 minutes but in reality as long as it takes him and me to calm down which might be a bit longer or shorter.
It's hard, but if you can stay calm and firm they respond much better.
With the eating, I just don't get drawn into the argument. I tell him not to be rude to me, just to leave it if he doesn't want it. If the rudeness continues it's a warning and a go to your room scenario.
Tiredness is a biggie for us too. You can't excuse behaviour because of it but you can
understand it, and try to avoid it in future!
Make sure you give her some really good attention- it's so easy to get into a pattern when they are behaving awfully so you don't feel like playing/doing anything with them, but if you can get out of this pattern, do something nice with them just for a short time they (hopefully) reward you with better behaviour.

Thanks Princess, thanks 3littles. Am going to eat my dinner feeling just a little less of a crapy mum.

PS - Jealous of your curry!

Thanks Tgger. Didn't see your message on here last time I wrote so didn't want you to think I hadn't read it or didn't appreciate your experience and thoughts.