Very low self esteem in 5 year old with SPD

[loopymum34]

My 5 year old son has a SEN called Sensory Processing Disorder or Sensory Integration which has caused many behavioural issues but most worrying now is his low self esteem. He is so scared of doing anything he cannot do eg. reading especially or any homework. Trying to do anything turns into a nightmare where he looses his temper, hits, throws, sobbs etc. I am so scared of this vicious circle and him getting further behind which in turn which lower his self esteem! We have just endured a 2 hour episode (while his twin 2 year old sibblings had their nap) beacuse I said we had to do one bit of work either reading or some fun maths and then we would play or watch a film. He went mad and lost his temper firstly because he didn't want to do it, then beacuse he wrote a number 5 incorrectly (he spotted it, I hadn't said a word) and it just went to him trashing his bedroom, hitting etc. My hubby says I should have left it and let him watch telly if he didn't want to do it, I shouldn't push him.

Please advise if anyone has any startergies. I was/am an infant teacher and am really struggling as any stratergies I have tried (charts, stickers etc) are not working.
HELP we are now stuck in as have had to cancel friends as in the mood it could turn into a nightmare if he doesn;t get his own way with his friend or feels rubbish at something! Sorry for essay it is my first time on Mumsnet!

Big thanx

Can you do a kind of "backward chaining" method where you do the beginning of the activity (ie most of the sum, writing the beginning of the word, letter, number etc) and then he can finish it, and gradually build up to you doing less and him doing more? If you can increase the chance of success each time you do something together then it may hopefully begin to build up his sense of self worth, and see that he can succeed.

If he has sensory processing problems has he been seen by an OT who can advise you on the best environment for him to work in (ie minimise sensory input that he unable to deal with) so he doesn't get overwhelmed? I'm an OT but unfortunately not in paeds so know very little re this condition. It sounds as though he will get overloaded very quickly and will be unable to deal with this so this comes out behaviourally.

Hope that has helped a little.

What has his teacher said about him doing his homework? Ds has SEN (visual processing issues) and we were having a nightly 2 hour battle to get him to do his homework (he is 6, yr 2). I came to the conclusion that I really couldn't deal with the resulting tantrums (single parent so no one to share it with).

I told his teacher this week. He was kept in at break to complete homework and did it beautifully (writing practice). He has also started doing some of his homework in his SN sessions. We are only at day 3 but it does seem to have had an effect on his doing homework at home.

When I tried the treat approach ds always wanted the treat before doing the work and would go into a complete meltdown when I said no.

Pop down to the special needs forum lower down the page - lots of people there with relevant experience :-)

We opt out of those sorts of battles entirely by home educating, which is the right solution at the moment for our family. A school environment would be sooooooooooo overwhelming that we just remove that from the equation and everything else slots into place.

By "We" I mean my family, not all the families on the special needs board... that would be silly :o

how about ditching the fun maths and playing snakes and ladders and other board games to get number content in that way? and subtly encouraging literacy in other ways - cooking recipes/choosing television programs etc/choosing things off menus.

Fab advice, thanks loads. I did post this on SEN site too and have had help there also.

He has been having OT but finished over 6 weeks ago which I think is part of the problem as that was really helping and it is really hard with other children (2 year old wins) to fit in all the exercises at home especially when he resists! I am going to definitely try all your methods, thanx loads.
I re-read the Out of Sync last night it is sooooo useful. I really need to get school more onboard as they just see him as a naughty, lazy boy and me as a pushy/teacher mum!
Thanx again