2-year-old who seems to be encouraged by the word 'no'

[nesomja]

My 2.3 year old is full of energy and very active. He is endlessly inventive in the trouble he gets into, including dangerous things like jumping on glass tables, throwing glass jars on the floor hard and hitting various items together. The problem is that saying 'no' even very firmly and followed directly by action (i.e. stopping him) only seems to encourage him. When I say 'no', his face lights up and he starts doing whatever he was doing at twice the speed. I stop him from doing it, remove him, he usually smiles as I tell him off, and then five minutes later he's doing it again.

I am not sure whether I am just encouraging bad behaviour by doing something he obviously finds reinforcing and whether I should start ignoring instead? My FIL helpfully said (after shouting at him) 'he needs to know that no means no' and I would agree, but how can I teach him that? Anyone else been in similar situation?

That sounds terribly normal to me. He's seeing how far he can push you.

My DS, also 2.2 does the same. I've removed anything that he can hurt himself with so no glass/knives/chemicals below worksurface level. If he does anything else, like emptying my bag on the floor or throwing blocks at the cat, I say NO clearly and take the articles away from him.

He knows what NO means, he just chooses to challenge me. If I don't react or give in, eventually he'll stop doing it...I hope.

Your FIL has forgotten what 2 year olds are like. And other people's houses are never toddler-proof, more like some kind of lethal obstacle course.

stop saying no

distract him

"Ooooh what have I got here...?" etc.

He sounds like he's doing it for attention - ignore him if he's not actually endangering himself or anyone else, or if he's about to break something/hurt himself, just remove him asap.

He sounds normal, he knows full well what NO means, he just has a sense of humour.

yep, v normal

just part of him testing boundries

(but even though its normal is still v frustrating, eh? )

Thanks for the support, glad to know it's not abnormal - my MIL said that all her children (she had 4) used to stop when she said no, until she got to the last, who was dh...I have met quite a few toddlers who do stop when told no though, maybe they are just super-compliant.

Jiggery: Think we might try the ignoring/distraction for a bit, saying no certainly doesn't work, no matter how firmly I say it!

I'd echo that this is totally normal - mine never responded to the word "no" at that age, even when shouted very sternly and it did encourage them.

I think compliance depends on the child but also the age - my older boy (4) is now very good about obeying commands, and perhaps your MIL is forgetting what they were really like at that age as GPs are prone to do

Ignore, distract and (sorry if this is rubbing salt in the wound) prevent because he's really too young to understand the concept of things like glass, and jars etc shouldn't be within his reach.

The tihng to remember is that with children, especially small ones, any attention is better than no attention, so if he is guaranteed to get your complete undivided attention when he does something he's not supposed to, but doesn't get your attention as easily when he's being 'good', then he will continue to do whatever gets your attention.

Give him lots of positive attention when he is not doing things that need stopping, but give him very little attention when he does something you don't want him doing, apart from saying "no" and removing him/the object so he can't repeat it, don't give him eye contact or long elaborate explanations for why what he is doing is wrong.

This should help stop him doing it again, but also remember that at that age they don't always deliberately do naughty things. Make sure he can't get glass jars to throw, and that there aren't glass tables for him to climb on etc., make it easy for him to do the right thing, and give him lots of your attention in a positive way.

He's beyond the stage of being able to move glass jars out of his way as he will move chairs over and climb onto surfaces to get to them - pretty well nowhere is out of his reach now. The glass table is impossible to avoid if it's in someone else's house! I know exactly what you mean about it being our responsibility to keep him safe though.
Overmy, I don't think he's deliberately naughty (not at all in fact, and he does much worse like hitting and biting) but I do think he's very very curious and does enjoy creating maximum mess etc.