Struggling with new born - won't settle unless held

[ceebs05]

My daughter is only a week old so I'm not by any means expecting her to settle and sleep for extended periods during the night. However I am finding it really hard to cope with the fact that she will only sleep when being held and just cries when she is put in her moses basket.

During the day she has settled in it for an hour or two at a time but at night she cries within minutes of being put down. The early hours of the morning appear to be the worst - she gets really upset and demands to be fed even though it's only been an hour since her last feed and she generally wants fed every 3-4 hours Does anyone have any experience of this and how to deal with it?

Thanks

absolutely, completely normal....

7 days ago she was enclosed inside you, and she just wants to be as close to you as she can - its her instinct.

She is not "demanding" to be fed - she NEEDS to feed, to get your milk supply going. THis is NORMAL and necessary.

I would say feeding every 2 hours is much more common, so if she is going 3 or 4 hours, that is quite a long time.

I know it is tough, and that you will be going a bit crazy with lack of sleep, but this is what it is going to be like for a few weeks.

Eventually, she will differentiate between night and day, but at the moment, she has no idea when she is "supposed" to sleep and when she is awake. She has absolutely no idea that she is even a separate person from you!

YOu have to just hold and cuddle her to make her feel safe, otherwise she will indeed cry.

Its OK to do this, and its OK to let her sleep with you or on you, if you want to co-sleep.

Hang in there - it is VERY early days yet! Btw, do you have a partner who can do some of the baby-holding? DH and I used to just take it turns to hold, while the other ate/bathed/etc.

some people find swaddling helpful for babies that need to feel held - lots of tips on this.

but yes, as tanterose said, all very very normal, and to be expected, and there really isn't any way round it - you just have to be guided by what she needs at this point.

at night i used to feed the baby and then hand it over to dh to change and settle whilst i got back to sleep. (i use 'it' because we did the same thing for all three... dd1 ds1 and dd2) that way dh could sleep whilst i was feeding (for.e.ver.) and then i could lay back down whilst he changed and soothed.

later on you can experiment with feeding whilst lying down etc, but i always think the first few weeks are too soon, whilst you are getting to know each other and getting feeding/ latch sorted etc.

the first 3 months are really about surviving make sure you get enough to eat and drink, and do whatever else you need to do to try and rest, and keep everyone happy and safe.

it's exhausting, but over time it does get easier, i promise. x

All totally normal. YOu are doing a brilliant job and it will settle down. For the time being enjoy the cuddles they can't have too many and neither can you. If sleep means sleeping together - just do it. Snuggle up and sleep/doze and feed in comfort. I spent the first weeks on the sofa because it was easier to get comfy and feed and sleep there. Seemed more normal with number two. You're doing the hard yards and it's a big change.

During the day I would have her in a sling. There are some lovely soft ones available.

Also a moby hammock was a lifesaver for me, though I have friends who said their baby didn't like it.

Sympathies op, we are on day 10, but dd now settles either in an amby hammock or on a pillow on the bed or sofa (supervised). Oh, except between the hours of 10 and 2am!

I realised a few days ago that I'd been letting dd sleep to long in the day, tempting though it is to leave them to sleep, atbthis age they should be feeding every two or so hours, during the day at least.

It's so hard I know, especially when the best advice is to co sleep but I just can't, I don't sleep. Dh is taking shifts in holding/pacifying her for as long as possible before waking me up.

It's a killer but it will get better!

here is the thread I started last week which may help.

My mum is also buying us one of these

a few suggestions i've read on MN before that might be helpful :-

put a hot water bottle in the moses basket for a short while to warm it through (make sure isn't too hot) - just enough to take the edge off and make it cosy.

another suggestion i'd read which i followed, even though i wasn't breastfeeding, was to put some of your milk on a muslin and put it in the moses basket so if she does manage to settle then there is the familiar smell.

would love to cuddle with a week old baby right now!!! congratulations on your daughter.

i obviously mean to put hot water bottle in the moses basket for a while and take it out BEFORE baby goes in!!! just in case that wasn't clear!!

As everyone else has said all normal, she is not demanding or at it (as someone said to me) she just want to be next to her mum. All of mine were like this the best thing I did with DD1 was listen to good old MN bought a sling and coslept. For the first 3 months DP and I played pass the baby, treasure the newborn sleepy cuddles soon enough she will be running away from you.

Swaddling and the hot water bottle trick (take it out when you put your baby in :)) works wonders. Personally, I couldn't hold a baby 24/7 and this worked wonders, especially at night. It was a tip from a HV when my friend's wee boy wouldn't settle. We used it on our two, they both settled in their moses basket really well when we used a hot water bottle - wouldn't if we forgot. I think it must feel colder at night after being snuggled into you.

OP forgot to say that i absolutely always swaddled my children - for at least the first 3 months - i swear by it.

as everyone else says really. it is very normal in the first fortnight for them to want to be near you, crying for regular feeds (they feed very often!). Yes it's very tiring, but it does get easier and you will find that time does fly. DS2 is already 10 weeks old and I even miss the newness of him already, despite the fact he used to cry loads and want fed non stop!

I haven't swaddled DS2 but I did it with DS1 and it did work a treat. Agree with PP :)

my 2 eldest loved swaddling, the youngest didnt , but definitely worth trying - I found the tips about this and other ideas well set out in 'the happiest baby' by harvey karp which is well worth a look. the older 2 also settled better with an old analogue radio on white noise - the little babies can find the silence daunting after the noisy womb. with my youngest none of these worked so eventually I went with a dummy in desperation - which really helped. good luck, we have been there, it is really really hard, but it will settle! x