Middle child syndrome

[CommanderCool]

Dd2 is the middle of three girls aged 6,3 and 14 months.

She has always been a tricky eater but things improved when she turned three. She is a sensitive child - she sometimes suffers anoxic seizures in response to any minor accident, she will vomit through stress.

Over the last month she has 'regressed' talking in a baby voice, insisting on 'me pulling her along on her scooter, and wanting 'me to 'feed' her with a spoon.

Tonight I refused to do this and she ate some but then vomited it all up as she had worked herself up into hysteria. I also got angry as DD1 was playing up and DZd3 was tired and clingy. How do I deal with this?

I'm not sure why it's a special middle child thing ..she's just a more sensitive one? Unless it's more that as a mum it's hard to share oneself out and the middle one gets left out, is that what you mean?

It sounds like she's looking for attention though, yes now I see what you mean, and she can't emulate the six yo but she can compete with the baby.

I would say give the positive attention she might not be getting (through no fault of your own) ie by saying this hour is for this child and this child only, perhaps in the afternoon. Not using the baby's nap and pre-pick up gap as a catch up time but ignoring the lunch dishes and sitting down and playing a really dull game like Barbies or whatever she likes.

It's hard because you have so many chores with three under six but it might help.

Also, it is actually quite nice, you have a great reason not to hoover and wipe and instead get the blocks out and build a huge tower and show it off to the six yo after school, that sort of thing.

Re food issues, sorry to be boring but having gone through it I would say the tried and tested advice of staying calm and ignoring as much as poss is actually really good advice.

Yes it is attention seeking I think. And you are right, I need to spend a bit more time with her. It's difficult as DD3 is commanding alot of attention by refusing to nap and then clinging to 'me all afternoon.

DD1 is downright rude sometimes and DD2 takes her cue from her. They are all competing for my attention and it is exhausting.

I only have 2 and they both want my 100% attention 100% of the time so I can only imagine how hard it is for you. My dd is 16 months and when my ds (aged 5) comes in from school dd is all over me trying to grab the attention away from him.

Where you can make more time (hard I know) and ignore ignore ignore with the food issues. 'I bet even dd3 can feed herself...look there she goes, I bet you can do a bigger one dd2!', you know the likes, lots of encouragement and praise. I find the last part of the day the hardest as Im tired and all my patience has been frazzled!!!

Refusing to nap is not fair. Talk about playing dirty.

I do remember how mentally exhausting that period is as well as physically knackering.

I bought a giant travel cot (ie play pen in old money) and put my "baby" in it to get away to chores or another child. I think that's disapproved of though now.

Dd3 seems to be considerably harder than ghe rest of us. She's a screamer. She fights everything.

Sorry just need to vent sometimes. Some days you feel that nothing is right and you are rubbish parent.

Am going to reinstate the star charts as they really liked those. DD3 is just a scary tyrant. No idea what to do about her

Good luck.. I think lots more people on here go through the same but think this thread is about being "middle" as opposed to the general squawkiness and attention seeking one encounters during the baby/pre-schooler/school years. Otherwise they'd all be on here going God Yes I know what you mean

i put ds2 in his cot when i need to get away to chores or another child - i think it would be more disapproved of if i totally lost the plot with him! have just bought a travel cot with the intention of sticking one of them in it downstairs so they are safe from the other 2 while i go make a coffee/eat cake while they aren't looking.

i've got the regression with ds1, dc3 hasn't arrived yet but am dreading it cause copying the baby talk and insisting i feed him while little brother is stuffing his face all by himself is doing my head in.

have a funny feeling dc3 is going to be a scary tyrant too!!

It can all be such a nightmare I know. Mine are 5.7, 3.7 and 18 months. I don't really know how to deal with it all as I'm still bang slap in the middle of it. I would say that I don't think there is any 'middle child' thing. They are all uniquely irritating in their own ways!! Both DD1 and DD2 regressed to wanting to be fed (i.e. when DD1 was about 2 and a half and DD2 was 18 months DD2 was utterly competent at feeding herself and I had to spoon feed DD1, now DS at 18 months feeds himself quite happily and I have to spoon feed DD2). I'm assuming that it will pass.

The attention thing is SO important. try and make just a couple of slots a week that you spend only with DD2 (e.g. my DD2 goes to nursery Tues - Thurs, but is at home Mon and Friday, DD1 at school full time and DS still has a lunch time nap so on Mon and Fri I have about an hour and a half with just DD2. The temptation is to put a DVD on and get some stuff done but if instead I really focus on her for even just a short time it makes all the difference to her general behaviour.

"They are all uniquely irritating in their own ways!!"

oh yes.

I agree with the advice to give her more attention. After nursery today we are going to do something together. She really enjoys what little attention she gets so I should try to do it even if it means my washing pile is like the north face of the Eiger.