Unsure about advice given by health visitor today...

[YummyorSlummy]

At ds's 18-24 month developmental check (he's 21 mths.I mentioned to her that he had got into the habit of smacking myself and dh during his tantrums, and she said that if he does this I should put him onto a naughty step/chair (without warning) for 2 minutes. I've no problem with this but I'd always thought he was a bit young for that yet and that children are unable to grasp the concept of discipline before the age of two, I don't want to confuse him. She also said that I should avoid saying 'no' or 'stop' when he smacks/throws things, which I found a bit wierd tbh. What do you make of this?

Mad ... A firmly worded no or stop is very effective IME

No, no, no to naughty step too

I always thought that a firm 'no' was the most appropriate thing to do at this age. I'm pretty sure that he wouldn't understand what was happening if I were to put him on a naughty step, especially as he isn't old enough for a warning.She seemed a little cold in my opinion anyhow!

She sounds mad.

We use 'no' and 'stop' and don't do naughty step or anything like that.

The only time that we use any kind of separation as discipline, is if DS has got himself totally wound up and is screaming and thrashing, kicking, won't be cuddled or held or listen to anything we say. Then he goes in his cot with the door closed for a couple of minutes until he's calmed down - also stops me going ballistic at him!

You don't need to see your hv especially if she seems cold

The only reason I see mine is because she is fabulous and full of good advice

There is a school of thought that you shouldn't say 'don't do that' but 'do this instead' to get a positive response

I do use NO and STOP to DS when he's doing something like throwing/hitting/about to run into a road though. You need the short sharp word in that situation.

I would remove him from the situation (if he's hitting you put him down and walk away) rather than the naughty step as I think 21mo is too young to understand.

Thanks for your replies, I told my dh on the way home that I was a bit about her advice and was going to get the mumsnet opinion. He grumbled something about her being a health professional, because of course health visitors always offer sound advice don't they

I try not to say "No" too much and save it for the really bad things when I want DS to take notice...but hitting and throwing are pretty much as bad as it gets, so a firm "No" or "Stop" is the right thing to do, IMHO.

What are you supposed to do when he smacks/throws? Put him straight on the naughty step?

It does seem a little harsh for a not quite 2 year old - especially without warning at all. But I know people who find that a naughty corner (ugh hate that name) or time out works well at age 2. They always give warnings though!

It's not my choice of method but it was just a suggestion - it's always useful to hear other ideas, I think, even if you decide that it's not for you.

But if your current method is working then stick with it.

I also tend to stick to the rule of thumb of if my HV says something which seems to make no sense (the not saying no thing for example) to look surprised and say "Oh, I haven't heard that before, why is that?" then either they will go "Uhhhh..." or come up with some ridiculous reason and you can safely conclude that they've pulled that "fact" out of their arse, or they will explain their reasoning behind it and it might actually make sense. :)

I think that's what she meant BorntoFolk yes! I don't get it, because the whole concept of a 'time out' type of discipline is that the child understands the consequences of their actions, and at 21 mths old ds is far to young to grasp this.

*too

And it shouldn't be 2 minutes until he's actually 2. 1 minute or 90 seconds is more appropriate if you were to use the time out method.

The thing is, I'm not sure my current method of saying 'no' is working as he does still smack quite a lot! (I have always told myself that it's just a phase) However, I really don't think he is ready to be given time outs. So perhaps just putting him down or walking away from him after saying no would be more effective??

Yummy, found that worked with my DS. (for my sanity as much as a method of making him stop) :)

Loving the name btw Bertie Botts- latest Harry Potter film out very soon!

Thanks Jareth I will give that a try.

"So perhaps just putting him down or walking away from him after saying no would be more effective??"

Yes, I think it would. Say something like "no, we don't hit", then if he does it again, walk away and leave him for a bit. You can try getting him to say sorry too.

Thanks I can't wait!

TBH I do tend to try and avoid no, just because it's not always immediately obvious what you mean (imagine you are a toddler with no sense of whether hitting is any worse than, say, eating, or talking, or walking) so with hitting I try to stop DS in the act - grab his arm before he makes contact if possible and say "Too rough" then make a gentle stroking movement with his hand and say "Gentle". If he keeps kicking/hitting etc then I do walk away and say "I'll play when you can be gentle."