need advise to manage dds behaviour (3)

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dd is 3.2 and has just started nursery school and seems to love it and comes out very happy but tired and hungry.

i give her a drink and snack and let her watch tv at home while i cook an early dinner then she goes up for bath/bed at 7pm.

im aware its been a big change for her and she is getting overtired and im making allowances and praising the good but she is really misbehaving.

if i ask her to get washed or dressed or eat or drink or basically do anythbing, she ignores me or changes the subject. i ask her again and she ignores me, i count to 3 and sometimes she responds but mostly she ignores me, then i end up physically dressing her or putting er on the naughty step.

its such a shame that everything is a battle and she will say sorry after but when asked why she is misbehaving she says its funny and makes her laugh.

dp says im on her back too much, like at dinner i ask her not to rock back and forward on her chair, not to bang her fork on the table, not to bounce around till her drink spills, not to poke her fork at me or kick my leg, he can ignore this and says i should ignore it too but she also plays up for him and refuses to get out the bath etc. he doesnt argue with her, just physically lifts her but im 7months pregnant and struggle.

i feel like i nag her a lot but im not sure what to ignore.

any hitting/kicking is instant naughty step by me or dp but the rest im not sure about.

what behaviour is ignorable froma 3 yr old.

she lives in make believe world, constantly saying she is lola and im charlie etc so if i ask her to do something she says she cant as she is lola??

advice required thanks

Try saying well I think lola would like to do it. I think DD is right try to ignore what really doesn't matter its for attention basically. I think 3 is a little young to expect her to do things on her own and therefore it is attention seeking. good luck

Try saying well I think lola would like to do it. I think DD is right try to ignore what really doesn't matter its for attention basically. I think 3 is a little young to expect her to do things on her own and therefore it is attention seeking. good luck

Try saying well I think lola would like to do it. I think DD is right try to ignore what really doesn't matter its for attention basically. I think 3 is a little young to expect her to do things on her own and therefore it is attention seeking. good luck

i play along a lot being charlie etc byt it is so wearing and sometimes i just want to be her mom and for her to listen to me.

i don't really agree with just ignoring it when she pretends not to hear you, or ignores what you have asked her. i think ignoring this pretty much gives the message that she doesn't need to listen to you or respect you. your dh really should be supporting you and backing you up too i think.

my dd1 was like this a lot not long ago (now 3.4), not outright awful behaviour, but just a lot of boundary-pushing and trying to get a reaction. i found that ignoring her just made her behaviour escalate. instead, i found warnings worked well with her. so the first time she refuses to stop doing something i have aksed her not to, i warn her what the consequences will be if she carries on (usually removal of a privilege like a treat or favourite tv program). she does it again, i give her another warning and tell her it is the last warning. she does it again, she loses the privilige. usually i only have to give her one warning now, and no priviliges have to be lost

i do warn her and then remove a treat/toy or something and she does stop when i put her on the naughty step but i dont want this constant battle,
imo dp ignores too much, today he and dd were eating dinner and i went out to get a drink andwhen i walked back in dd was stood up on the chair, he was ignoring her, to me it was dangerous so i had to tell her to sit down.

i would pick your battles..

Too much negativity soon turns to water off a ducks back.
Start each day anew - i know it can sometimes feel like torture but if you start with a fresh positive attitude things can seem better so quickly

Re dressing herself - I would always dress mine away from other distractions and with an incentive. Chuck the clothes at them with a sort of ' grey jumper errr white shirt there you go...dinasaur pants...two grey socks 1 ,2 and finally shorts' sort of sing song line and then - see you downstairs when they are on or do you want to meet me in the bathroom . This - kind of- moving on to the next thing mentally - before the dressing has been done works wonders in my house.

Re the dinner table - I am so with you on the manners etc and know it can sometimes seem relentless. IIWY i would try to operate the positive reinforcemnt rather than nag nag nag approach as it just makes me feel crap and the child grow immune!

So - ( even if it sounds fake at first ) 'wow Daddy look at Nettles tonight he is sitting so still on his chair and has not rocked once - like a big boy . Did you learn that at nursery? I am going to have a word with Mrs. Smith and tell her what a great job she's done with Nettles and his chair'

I know it all sounds naff but it soon feels natural and soon you might find things pick up. When you DO need to bollock DD she will listen more because she is not used to it

Wow thats a long 'un! HTH

thanks notanotter, thats all helpful.

dd can completely dress herself, unfortunately she gets distracted by her bookshelf and is hard to drag away.

i will try to ignore the ignorable as i think my nagging is betting like water off a ducks back to dd.

yesterday i left her in her room with all her clothes and asked her to suprise me when she was dressed and she got on with it and even did all her buttons, today she just sat and read a book and even when i went back in and encouraged/asked/nagged she just ignored me. no 2 days are the same.

don't be despondent

again i would totally fake it ' oh my word dd...what's happened ?? remember yesterday when you were my star - see if you can do it again and i will take a picture. Need to be quick now because of school etc etc'

it is fake but soon she will do it without asking and it all becomes more natural

totally sympathise as dd is the same age and most days something is a battle - not always the same thing, but there is always something.

I give dd a choice. Get dressed the nice way, the nasty way or do it yourself. If you don't stand up by the time I count to 3 it will be the nasty way.

The nasty way btw, is me lying her down on the floor, holding her there and getting her dressed, with no communication or emotion. Just doing. Then i get up and walk out.

Same for teeth cleaning/hair brushing etc.

Most days I still have to give the choice, but she now comes to me on 2, and i dress her

little devils they are, it's all about staying one step ahead. DH is much more laid back than I, and consequently has many, many more refusals and tantrums to deal with, but well, , that's his choice.

dd slept through last night 8-6.30 with no wee to disturb us all and her behaviour has been perfect all morning including eating all her lunch before nursery.

there is a definite link with her sleep, most nights she gets up once for a wee and has been crying from nightmares recently and needing cuddles in the night and it affects her behaviour the next day, but there is nothing i can do to stop this i dont think as she always goes to bed quite early and has very little to drink after dinner at 5.

i know she will be tired tonight after 5 days nursery so will go easy and pick my battles tonight.

thanks for all the responses.