how would you deal with emotional/sensitive 2yr old tantrums?

[naturalbaby]

my boy is quite sensitive and emotional at the best of times and his behaviour is no bother really, but there are obviously the usual 'no's or refusing to co-operate. most of the time i go for the 'pick you battles' approach - i've got a younger toddler and am pregnant, he doesn't go to childcare so to be honest there's not a lot he really has to do!

i don't want to create battles just to exert my authority but i don't want him to get his own way all the time, cause i don't want a child that refuses to respond to adults and do as he's told.

most of the tantrums don't feel like he's being a typical 2yr old pushing the boundries because he gets so distressed and emotional, he can't deal with it so has a melt down and wants a cuddle - i can't give him a cuddle to make him better when i've asked him to do something and he's refused! he almost always gets an option when appropriate, plenty of warning and does respond when i say no most of the time without having to negotiate. shall i just leave him be and let him mature in his own time? i feel like i need to toughen him up cause he's due to go to nursery next september, or pre-school whenever i feel he's ready, but if he doesn't mature enough by then it'll be a complete disaster. i'm sure he'll be absolutely fine and love it but i don't want him to not be able to cope with it if there's something i can do now to change things.

I think at 2 tantrums do make them emotional and they do get themselves into a tizzy. 2 is too young to reason with. Ignore what you can. He is very young I wouldn't worry about how he will be a nursery. Yes let him mature in his own time.

Of course you can cuddle him! :( Cuddles aren't a reward. Cuddles are just cuddles. Cuddling him doesn't mean you are "giving in" or anything like that. What kinds of things are you asking him to do? I have an almost 2 year old and I do ask him to do things but I don't tend to expect compliance - he's 2.

So for example if I asked him to bring me his shoes, if he does then he gets told "Well done, that's really helpful DS, thank you." If he doesn't bring them then I count to three and then I get them and put them on, and if he has to be held down to do it, that was his choice. But equally if I can distract him by saying "Come on DS, we need to get your shoes on so we can go to the park/on the bus/to see Grandma" then I don't feel a need to impose a punishment for "disobedience".

If it's something like "Get into the buggy now" or "Come here" then again I count to three and if I get to three I just do it for him.

I do cuddle him if he's upset and it's appropriate (ie I'm not going to take him out of the pushchair and cuddle him if he's upset about being in there in the first place) and I think you can be respectful and accepting of their feelings. "I know DS, it's sad when we have to say goodbye to people, but they'll be back another time." or "It's frustrating when you can't have what you want, isn't it?" or e.g. counting to three, warnings, telling them what's going on and what's going to happen rather than just suddenly saying "Right! XYZ!"

Sorry, took me ages to post this so probably x-posted :)

he gets plenty of cuddles, when he can find a space between baby brother and my bump! i've never felt the need to 'discipline' him so life pretty much revolves around him - not in a spoilt child way, our daily routine is based on what he chooses to do as an activity e.g toddler group or chill out at home. am mainly struggling with getting him out the house really - ds2 grabs his shoes and makes a run for it at the mention of going out but ds1 is refusing to put his pants on! he's insisted we stay home the last couple of days so we have, and had a lovely time, but as time goes on i need him to be more co-operative about going out - i can't have him sitting at home 1/2 dressed when i've got newborn baby appointments etc to get to!

Ah I see - I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you never cuddle him BTW, I didn't mean that at all. I just don't like this idea of not cuddling your children when they are being "naughty", because surely that sends the message that when they are "bad" they are not loved. I don't see a problem (in fact I think it's a good thing) to show your children they are still loved even if you are telling them off.

Sorry, will come back with hopefully some suggestions on 2yos getting dressed in the morning but I really need to go to bed and everything I type is coming out horrible. Hopefully you might have some other suggestions by the morning :)

Hello,

I know I'll sound harsh compared to the other posters, and my experiences may not be the same as yours, but my dd was very similar at this age too, but the big needing a cuddle crying for her WAS a form of tantrum. It took a while for me to realise it but it was her way of saying look-at-how-upset-I-am-you-can't-possibily-make-me-do-what-I-don't-want-to.

I was also pregnant and knew there simply wouldn't be enough of me to go round with a newborn around too if she kept up.

It's learned behaviour and you could calmly say to him that once he is calm and not crying anymore, mummy will give him a big cuddle, then ignore him, don't ask him if he's calm yet, just wait, then go ott with the praise for stopping crying and give cuddles. And it goes without saying, be consistent when you've asked him to do something.

Also I disagree with the others in that 2 IS plenty old enough to learn how not to work yourself up to a state of almost hyperventilation (my dd's specialty)!

I agree with pp...when ds is having a tantrum I just walk away and leave him to it. I say to him, 'I'll be in the other room when you decide you want to come and sit with me'...if after a few minutes he hasnt appeared (which he usually has) I go back in and say, 'do you want to come sit with mummy now?' and usually he will happily come and sit quietly for a cuddle then.

Cuddle's aren't a reward and are freely available at any time, but I want my ds to understand that his behaviour has consequences, and if he's kicking and screaming I dont necessarily want to cuddle him at that point...plus sometimes even toddlers need a bit of space!

Dont worry about nursery, they are used to dealing with children and they also behave very differently for other people/in a group situation than they do at home anyway.