2 weeks in reception and being mean to others, how to stop this?

[thehairybabysmum]

I've also posted this in primary....

I'm absolutely gutted, had first parents evening tonight, basically a 5 min chat about how they are settling in. He has been at school for 2 weeks exactly and is realy missing his nursery and friends there. Every night and morning he tells me he doesnt want to go to school and misses nursery etc (he didnt know anyone at he school when he started). I did however feel that he as OK whilst actually at school and was making friends and happy.

However the teacher has told us that he is hitting, poking and shoving other children a lot; he even made someone's mouth bleed yesterday. He has also had to have a couple of playtimes stood with the teacher as other kids have said he has been not been playing nicely.

Teacher did also talk about positives and spoke to him about having 'kind hands' so i dont have an issue with how she has handled it or anything like that. It is just that i'm absolutely gutted as had no idea that he was behaving like this. He can be a bit 'shoving to younger brother at home but he does get told off and does understand this is not acceptable. He came in from this after DH talking to him about this in the car on way home and clattered his brother before he'd barely got in door!!

I am basically stumped as to how to stop this type of behaviour...we have had a 'chat' tonight and i have said we will do a chart...if teacher says he has had kind hands all daY At schol then he gets a star, star every day = friday trip to sweet shop on way hom

Any advice/tips anyone??

Am also now paranoid that he is going to be the 'naughty' boy in the class..after 2 weeks

Ooo, liking the big cross that you can then cover with a sticker idea.

40 mins is riduculous....though i was ignoring him and getting ready for work for a lot of this time.

Agree re school attitude, they were definitely more physical at his old nursery so it is an adjustment for him.

Thanks DrN...its what will replace the current phase that worries me

DS told me last night that he had not been fighting or playing rough at school yesterday. He told me that he had played hopscotch instead which he won and so should have an extra sticker as he didn't get a medal! I duly gave him the extra sticker on his chart to encourage this change in behaviour, after which he said 'I'm still on the gloomy cloud though for not listening!'.

We had a 'double thumbs up' ....one for the morning and one for the afternoon. This was self declared by DS though so a bit but i gave him his smiley face and a sticker.

Excellent morning today, got dressed etc and no fuss at all.

Hairybabysmum - How did yesterday/this morning go? DS is starting to calm down so I think maybe it was just the change in routine & settling in (although yesterday was a self declared no fighting and I'm off the gloomy cloud!)

I'm clinging to the hope we've turned a corner. Parents evening on Monday so we shall see...!

Clinging to the same hope here too.

He had a thumbs up from the teacher today, confirmed by the guy who picks up for the after school club so that is a definite. He tehn proceeded to thump someone and call someone else stupid whilst they were waiting for the rest of the after-school children! So he is defo not 100% sorted.

I will see the teacher myself tomorrow though as i'm not working tmw, i dont normally work thursday's so it feels like a long week this week. Unless she is 100% happy with him this week, then i think i will ask her to have a proper chat with me about it all.

Glad your DS is seeming calmer.

My DS's school seemed to start the reception ones a couple of weeks later than the other schools round here so he's not been going fo as long as some of my friend's children, im hoping another couple of weeks and he will be more settled.

Hope all goes well with the teacher today. I'm sure it is just settling in problems. The fact that you are getting a thumbs up from the teacher suggests things are starting to improve. I think sometimes we get so stressed by things we forget to celebrate the victories (no matter how small they may be).

We had another self-declared good day yesterday so fingers crossed things are starting to turn. Hope he isn't just telling me what I want to hear!

I'm going through exactly the same thing:
here

Just read your thread coolma. Its horrible isn't it. Not sure im well placed to offer any useful advice obviously but do join in here, at least we're all in the same boat.

Well mine didnt have such a good day today, nor yesteday it turns out. He was kicking girls from yr1 today at playtime and also had to stand with the teacher at playtime yeasterady.

I asked her if i should come in for a proper chat with her about what to do. She said she thought that to carry on as we are encouraging him with stickers etc. We'll see what the weekend brings???

Coolma - I'm sure it is all part of the settling in process. DS seemed to have a better week last week (although it was self-rated as I wasn't able to get out of work for the school run and the after school club have a soft spot for DS!).

DS has been in full time nursery since about 9 months old. Whenever there has been a change of staff at nursery his behaviour has always deteriorated, as if he is pushing his boundaries and testing the new carer. I have come to the conclusion that this is what he has been doing at school and as they have been quite strict with him he has started to settle down. At least, that is what he has been telling me... will find out the truth at parents evening later on!

I think we are probably as Mum's worrying more than we need to but it is hard not to!

Hairybabysmum - how was your weekend? I think it is a good sign that the teacher doesn't think it necessary to come in for a proper chat. Makes me think it is probably usual settling in challenges and the teacher is able to recognise it. If they had serious problems, you would have been called in!

That's what im hoping Poogles.

A bit better weekend, no massive strops though still some odd incidents.

He has started an under 6's football club on saturday...in the interests of burning off some energy. Hopefully will help him to make friends etc. He seemed to enjoy it so that was good. Was interesting to see that he got a bot stroppy in the build up to going, was obviously nervous but it comes out as a v. bolshy reaction.

Have sent a sticker chart into the school today for the teacher to fill in so will see how we go.

Found out last night that DS has learned not to be honest with Mummy to earn a sticker!! He has still been fighting at school!

Teacher said that DS goes looking for the older boys or they come looking for him and it all starts as play fighting but can get a bit out of hand as DS gets excited and carried away. She also said that she had taught these boys and that they were a bad influence on an impresisonable child (she views DS as excitable rather than naughty). Have agreed that she will put note in his lunch box if he has been playing with them or misbehaved in anyway so that I can follow up at home.

On the whole she said he was a pleasure in class and was really keen to learn. I asked about friends in his class and she said that he hasn't settled with anyone in particular yet and I think that might be the problem (he has always had a best friend at both his nurseries that he was joined at the hip with). Last week he started spending time with one particualr boy who is quite quiet so the teacher is hoping they will have a good effect on each other (bring out of shell/calm down!).

DS has started taking an interest in football since starting school so will look to see if I can find a club for him to join and burn of the energy!

I'm hoping he will settle down soon!!!

Do you think our DS's are comparing notes Poogles??

Well finally and thankfully he has come hme today with 2 smileys, one for the morning and one for the afternoon. Fingers crossed that we are turning a corner!!

Sounds good if he is pairing up with a quieter child!

We appear to have had a better day yesterday too - no note in the lunchbox! I have to say it has helped knowing it's not just DS!! I'm pretty sure it is just settling in issues and getting used to new rules. DS has always been one to test boudaries!

Fingers crossed we continue to improve...(especially as I've put my name down to run for school governor!!)

Shineoncrazydiamond.

The key with timeout is to decide the length of time they should stay on there (3 minutes for a 3 year old), no talking or engagement at all and stay firm.

You take them to 'time out' an sit them down and tell them firmly why they are there and walk away - absolutely no talking to them whilst they are on time out. If they get off, you put them back, but do not speak to them. The 3 monutes startes from when they actually stay on time out. It may take a few times to get them to stay there, but if you stick with it, it will work.

I had thisproblem with my Nephew, at my house. Only took me putting him back to time out 3 times and not speaking to him for it to do the trick.