What do you do when a 2 year old says no to everything?

[OopsDoneItAgain]

My DS2 is actually nearly 3, so Im used to the no phase. But it just seems to be getting even worse. Getting dressed, cleaning teeth, coat on, eating tea nicely, everything is 'NO!' He invariably runs off and climbs under a bed or behind a chair and I have to drag him out. He gets furious with me when I insist. He hits me. He shouts at me. I use time out but he just opens the door and glares at me.

Else he gets hugely upset and wants a cuddle. Sigh.

I used to be a teacher and have taught successfully in really tough inner city schools and yet I feel I am losing control with my toddler.

How do I get things back on an even keel? Any tips very gratefully received.

put on your ipod, have a swig of wine and hope it passes.

seriously, I would carry on with time out, set aside a day where you dont have to be anywhere. the only way to make them stay on the mat or where ever is to physically keep putting them back on it calmly. Or hold the door shut if you feel you can.

Also go massively over the top with the praise for anything he does that is remotely good!
Get out the house and let him run off energy when possible.
I have a ds the same age, and he can be pretty bloody minded too. Things that work with him are all the above and also giving plenty of warning before you want them to do something, so, "In five minutes, ds, we are putting on coats and going out", then again at two mins. If he kicks off dont get into an argument with him.

Good luck, i know how exhausting this is. My ds1 was dreadful, hes five now and much more reasonable most of the time, so this wont last for ever!!

Reverse psychology?

make sticker charts for him as incentive - maybe evenmake one for yourself to put alongside so he ccan see the comparison

Never ask, just say 'it's time to brush teeth now' (you may do this already, apols if so), state facts, give him few options about the thing itself, but give him options like 'are you putting the toothpaste on or am I?' If he messes about, he doesn't get to decide.

Pick your battles - it doesn't matter if he won't wear his coat, say nothing and bring it with you.

If he messes around at the table, remove him, put his dinner in the fridge and tell him he can eat in 20 minutes when he's calmed down.

Find sanctions that work (make them immediate) and always employ them. Always tell him off and get an apology for hitting.

If he stands and glares at you, turn your back, put the radio on and sing along, make a phone call, send a text - make it very obvious you're ignoring him.

I like to do the choice thing..."now are you going to take piglet to bed with you or pooh, will I brush your teeth or do you want to do it the big girl way, come and choose which wrap you want on your nappy..." blah blah and before you know it teeth are clean, nappy's on and they're snuggling piglet/pooh/i don't care who are long as you're in bed

obviously doesn't always work but tends to with our dd2 (age 2 but she thinks she's 4)

Offer chocolate?

The chocolate will be for me I assume?

Already on the wine...

Im knackered at the mo, they pick up on it dont they?

I thought my own DC after a class of 30 would be a doodle......how wrong I was!

I would suggest taking care of your choice of words and keep it positive.
e.g. instead of saying 'if you don't put your shoes on we can't....' try(in a bright and breezy manner!) when you have put your shoes on we can....
Try and get something that he wants to do after cleaning his teeth etc and look surprised if he doesn't get on with it.
If it really doesn't work you could try ignoring him totally and then say with surprise 'well we can still do it, but only when your teeth are clean'
After a while he hopefully just accepts it as routine. From his point of view cleaning teeth isn't very interesting!

yes they really do....have another glass and things wont seem so bad

Feel like I have tried the lot but clearly I need to rethink.

Will read all of this again tomorrow, when I am less wined up! Thanks for all your ideas etc.

Another one for choices here, I'm constantly giving dd very restricted choices e.g. Pasta for lunch, or beans? Pink jumper or red jumper? Do you want to climb in the car, or shall I lift you in? You can't really answer 'no' to those questions, but if she does another very effective one is, 'well if you can't decide before I count to three then I'll choose for you...' she hates it when I choose ! If she asks for some third thing which I think is not reasonable I just say, no, that's not the choice, it's pasta or beans? Another one that I use a lot is 'if you want to make that noise then you will have to do it upstairs, it's too loud for down here. Do you want to carry on upstairs?' Also pick your battles. Unless it's peeing it down or snowing I hardly ever make her wear a coat, I just bring it with me if she refuses and chances are she'll ask for it after about 30 seconds.

Sorry, I sound like a pain-in-the-arse know all! It's just I was struggling with this myself & went on a parenting course and find these techniques really useful.

Sorry, not just a pita, I also x-posted with about a dozen people

I played the "No" game with my DS at this age. When he said "no" to everything I cheerfully said, "Oh, are we playing the No game? No" back and then "Your turn." He kept trying to say "No" back, but quickly realsied he was participating and gave up.

Evil, but it worked. I'm sure he movede onto some other dastardly toddler thing, but the memory of what has faded.

I also do the 2 choices thing, but didn't start it til he was a bit older.

Geraldine - I like your suggestion but if I took a swig of wine every time my 2 year old said NO I would be completely blathered 24/7

hahaha! Well, it's an option, Oldie, keep it in mind for when you have one of THOSE days!