help, words of wisdom or hope needed

[DelGirl]

Where do I start. I feel like we should be on cloud 9 but we're not.

Me and dd age 5.5 moved out of our home in England about a month ago. After spending time with relatives we drove to central Italy to live and have been here for about 3 weeks. She is quite used to the area and the school she goes to as she spent some weeks there last year.

DD has always been quite challenging, very bright, extremenly sociable and talkative but I am finding her behaviour almost impossible to deal with and I don't know what to do.

I have wanted to move here for a good few years and instead of feeling lighter, I am feeling dread. Virtually everything is a challenge with dd, she challenges everything I ask or do and it is really wearing me down.

I feel like I can't say all this to friends or family as I have raved about moving here for so long. Equally, I don't have any close friends here as yet, well I do a lovely mumsnetter here but I don't want to arrive and burden my new aquaintances with my woes, it wouldn't set me off on the right foot.

I seriously don't know what to do . I have so looked foward to coming here and I do realise it is a big change for dd but how do we get out of this whole. I can ignore her behaviour at home and that nearly always works but when we are out, involves potentially dangerous situations, well dangerous isn't the word, but hazards all kinds of things, I can't ignore it. I'm so sad for her and me, I am turning into my own mother who I have not had a good relationship with for most of my life and I don't want dd growing up with that. This isn't how it was supposed to be. I put too much store in my life turning around when we moved here. It isn't here that is the problem, it's our relationship and my lack of control. I have to post now as my connection is sporadic and I don't want to lose it. THanks for reading this far, I just had to get it off my chest.

I'm sure someone will come along with real advice about managing your daughters behaviour, I just wanted to say that you are being terribly hard on yourself. It's mean a huge change for you both albeit a much wanted one and it will take you both some time to adapt.

Also, if I was that "lovely mumsnetter" I would hope that you would come and offload on me over a large glass of wine sometime. You need a friene.

Oops It's been a huge change
and
you need a friend

DOH

thanks angrypixie, that helps . Sorry for my spelling in my op, I did write another post but it just wouldn't post due to my connection. Hope this will!

i've had to move my pc to another room to post that lol

finally got dd to school, thankfully they don't have to be in until 930. I pick her up at lunchtime. Next week they can go all day. Not sure if that will be a help or not? Hard to tell, I hope of course that it will help. She is starting to speak some Italian and is asking me too. She has started to ask what things mean so thats a good sign I think. It is just so very wearing when when she is being defiant. It's like she is the one in control despite my best efforts and I feel I have always tried to be consistent but she really has a very strong character, much like her late father,.

I just know that it could be so lovely for the most part and maybe I give her too much credit when she is only 5 still. But my goodness she is hard at times ,arrrggghhhh. It makes me feel so sad. ANother thing that has started is throwing, hitting and attempting to bite. She has not really displayed that behaviour before and it os only aimed at me. gah, what do I need to do. Deep down I know this is a phase which will pass but it's grinding me down when I should be all smiles.

If you are reading this M, please be assured that by the time you get here, we will have cracked it or, alternatively, there will be lots of wine chilling in the fridge!!!

It sounds pretty grim TBH. you've had a huge upheaval and things sound a bit primitive (having to move your pC to another room for example). I remember you asking how to drive there from some time ago.
You haven't been in Italy for long but I don't know how long it takes for the initial euphoria of moving to a new country takes to wear off. One positive is that your DD is enjoying school.
With regard to her behaviour in hazardous situations, would you be able to explain the consequences of her actions? We were in Garda/Como at easter and had to warn our DD not to go too close to the road. She had spent the previous three years in Switzerland where the roads are generally well maintained with high visibility. The Italian ones were really twisty with high stone walls.
Do you have a DP or are you alone? IIWY, i'd get in touch with your MN chum and have a moan to her.
Good luck, sincerely.

Its not too primitive, it's just that I don't have a landline, only an internet key and we are in a hilly area sooooo......

I do explain about danger, all the time, but I think she thinks I just want to curtail her and stop her from having fun/doing what she wants but I do explain.

with regard to the euphoria, tbh the journey was not so good, very rainy but when we got closer to here, I was really excited and so was dd. Just sitting here looking at the mountains in the sunshine is wonderful. I do feel at home here, despite the language barrier, I'm not fluent yet!!! Obviously there are huge differences but I do feel used to the way of life as we have spent so much time here before and I do know a few people just not wanting to feel as i'm in doom already. It's hard to explain. I have no dp (yet) hoping that may change but need to feel ok about things at home before I work on that one.

I really can't offer any words of advice. We are in a totally different situation. We do live in Europe and have moved many times, but always with DH's job. Once DD came along I had contact with other people and support from him. Can you invite some of the other bambini to sua casa per manga? See how easily I slipped into la lingua bella. If your DD had some other children around she may be a bit more settled. It is difficult I know, DD is an only and gets a bit lonely at weekends, I can't imagine her not being at school full time and not speaking the language. Good for her for trying. Does she watch children's TV? Our DD had that recommended when she began French a couple of months ago. She refuses though.

Yes we have had the said mner and her children over and we have been there too. We've not had much opportunity to have anyone else over as yet as we've been settling in at home, now sorted, well sort of!

She seems to have had a nice morning at school and we found a nearby park today which will be a good place to go. We have tv, digital and everything so have a ton of kids channels which she has been watching. All is calm this pm so far so thats good.

I'm going to take her to the nearby sports place where she will probably do gymnastics twice a week with some of the children from school so that should help. It helps to 'chat' thanks.