7 year old suddenly doesn't want to go to school

[MightyAphrodite]

Dc3 (of 4) suddenly (last Thursday) stopped wanting to go to school. It's quickly got to the point where she won't get on the school bus, and cries her heart out when I take her and have to leave her there. We've talked about all the possibilities (bullying, feeling friendless, not managing with lessons...) but she just says that she misses me when she's at school, and the thought of not seeing me for the next four or five hours starts her crying. At home she's fine - not clingy or demanding, she does her homework, no problem. It's a smallish school, all the teachers are very supportive, and she's got an older brother and sister in the same school, so it's not like she's on her own there, and I don't think there could be anything going on that somebody wouldn't have noticed. Things are getting out of hand now, though. She's starting to feel embarrassed about being the kid that cries, but she's also starting to identify with the role and I'm worried that if I don't sort this out, things are quickly going to get worse.

What am I missing? what questions should I be asking?

Is it the bus she doesn't like? Could you give her a watch so she knows how many more hours till she sees Mum?
Children are tricky little so and so's, my DD was a school refuser for a couple of weeks around that age. We never got to the bottom of it TBH, she just stopped being so negative about it one day.

I don't think it's the bus - most days I can take her to school myself - it's the moment when she has to leave me that the tears start. The watch is a nice idea - if nothing else, it'll give her something to focus on when she starts to get upset. It's awful to see such a happy little girl change like this though. I hope this all stops as suddenly as it started for us too.

My DD1 (she's the eldest and we're expecting another) did this at nursery.

She'd been fine then one day was very clingy, sobbing and it broke my heart. We tried to fathom it out (the nursery were very 'helpful' in playing amateur psychologist - she'd drawn a picture of 3 smiley people, me, her and her Dad and they tried to tell us that the problem was essentially that we had too many children - but that's another post. I can laugh about it now, of course...)

But I knew her and knew that wasn't what it was. She's told us fairly recently (last year) that there were two boys that were calling her names. She wouldn't tell us at the time no matter how much we probed or tred to coax it out of her.

She's in the habit of crying still (she's 5) and says she misses me. But, with her, I do think it's a habit now. It's really hard to know what to do about it, isn't it? Can you go and speak to her teachers - the fact that it's so sudden (likeour DDs was) would ring alarm bells.

Have you talked to her teacher about it (in private) to see what they recommend. My ds, at preschool last year, went through same thing so I called & asked teacher. Sometimes its quite common for children to be getting on fine & (without parents realising) just giving it a go & then decide "no, don't like that much, would rather be at home with mum".
Not sure if could be this as she's 7 but in that circumstance they are just hoping for you to give in. Is she clingy in other ways, bedtime, playdates? Or does she cry at other times to get her own way. Realised my ds did, if we out & about, always wants to be with me rather than his dad & cries if pushed, to which we give in, realised he was doing same thing about preschool.
I also try to do lots of playdates with children in his class, so that he will feel comfortable with them

Her teacher (who is also the teacher she had last year) is very kind and helpful, and gives her lots of hugs and lets her sit at the big desk with her. DD has always been open about what goes on at school (so-and-so pushed me/called me names/took my pencil etc), and the fact that she can't put words to what's getting to her worries me. She's fine at home, plays with her friends, gets on with her homework and is otherwise happy. She's quite sensitive, but she's never been much of a crier. I can remember being bullied at school and the girls involved would describe what they'd do to me if I ever told anyone, so of course I never did.

Fingers crossed it's nothing and tomorrow she'll be fine. Thanks for your comments.

My DD behaves the same, she has just started year 1 and complains every morning of having some illness or another, she always says she'll miss me etc. One morning she was so upset she almost puked in the yard, other parents were looking at me funny, it was hard not to just bundle her up and take her home.

I hope it passes for you.

cloudpuff - don't you just hate the looks you get from other parents, or the comments like 'why don't you just leave her, she'll be fine'? Which, of course, you know to be true, but if your DD is like mine, that tough love approach doesn't help - but in fact makes it worse.

try giving her something of yours to look after, or buy a small toy to keep in her school bag that is just between you and her, buy 2 name them and say when she gets home they can exchange what they've done each day. Hopefully it will take her mind off the fact you are not there. It worked with mine! good luck

thereisalightanditnevergoesout

I hate the looks other Parents give you. I think on that day it was because she was almost vomiting from being so upset and saying her head hurts (which I know was an excuse to not go) and they thought I was being cruel by sending her. Which made me feel pretty shitty. She was fine at the end of the day and she always come's out with a smile.

I think whats made her suddenly upset is the change from reception to year 1 following the long six weeks hols, but she seems to be settling a lot better now. She just has a few tears every now and then Thankfully.

Good idea Latootle, my ds always takes toy although teacher has recently said 'not in classroom' so have told him to keep in bag, at least he knows its there & gives him reassurance. I think getting as chummy as poss with other kids in same class helps too, try & have at least 1 of friends from class to play every week, if poss

Floods of tears getting on the bus this morning, all smiles when she got off this afternoon. Everyone says it's a phase, it's just hard because I can't do anything to make this particular hurt go away. The watch is helping and she's got a little note from me in her bag to read when she's weepy. Thank goodness for the weekend.