Daytime sleep routine for 3 month old?

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Hi there

I have read lots of threads on this site but am new to posting. I have a DS who is 14 weeks old and is my first LO. We have had a bedtime routine since he was 8 weeks old and he sleeps beautifully at night - straight through from 7.30pm ish to 6.30am ish. He goes down awake and self soothes to sleep with a little help from us if he is feeling insecure. I have two questions about daytime sleep...

I know the question of routines seems to invoke some pretty passionate responses, but I don't understand how you can ensure your LO gets enought daytime sleep without a routine? DS stopped just falling to sleep anywhere at about 10 weeks and will now only go to sleep in his pram. So, on a day when we have no plans, we go for a walk at 9am ish and he sleeps for 45 mins to an hour then we go out again around lunch time and he sleeps for 2-3 hours (he will stay asleep if we park up in a cafe but not in the house! Lots of maternity pay being spent on lattes!)- these days are bliss as he is a well rested, happy baby. However, on days when there is something happening which does not allow us to go out twice in the pram he does not get this sleep and is overtired and grumpy. Ideally, I would like not to have a routine as I like being flexible, but the more I get into this parenting business, the more that seems selfish and the more a routine seems the child friendly option so I can ensure he gets enough sleep! This is completely the opposite of what I expected - from all the criticism GF gets, I was under the impression that routines were not child friendly.

So - first question, how do you make routines or non routines work for you and ensure your baby is getting enough sleep? (And by enough sleep I mean the 15 hours they should be getting at this age - the more mothers I meet the more I am convinced there are a load of really sleep deprived babies out there!)

Second question - any tips on how I get DS to sleep in the house? It would be nice if he took the odd nap in his cot and we could change between the cot and the pram!

I was in the same position as you when DD was 3mo. She would only sleep in her pram and I was sick of pushing it round the garden. It's controversial but I put her in her bed when I knew she was tired, and not hungry, and just left her. She cried quite a lot the first day, second day she got it, and after 10 minutes so of crying she fell asleep. After that she would always take 5-10 minutes to drop off, till she was about 1yo, when she fell asleep with no crying at all. They say at 3 months it takes 3 days to learn a new habit, so I guess I was lucky.

Some mums like to go in and reassure the baby and do pick up- put down but I didn't bother with that (sorry DD!). However she is now 18mo and has slept like an angel in her cot since then. We have had no sleep issues, and I believe we are all happier for it!

I know what you mean about sleep deprived children- they really do appreciate the regular sleep that a routine brings, and I think that not having even a very flexible one is a sign of a rather selfish parent.

I tried to follow a GF routine at about 6 weeks and after a couple of weeks was pulling my hair out. I got so stressed out about him not sleeping when he was supposed...wanted to eat more than the book said...etc, etc.

I gave up after thinking that having a baby shouldn't be this stressful, especially with a generally happy baby, it was me making it stressful, not him.

I would suggest going with the flow, I put DS down during the day after a couple of hours of being awake and he seems a little tired. He always cries when he knows it's nap time, but I put him down regardless, and give him a blast of white noise. He doesn't always sleep for very long, maybe half an hour.

I would just do what makes you comfortable and not worry about other people. Not all babies need the same amount of sleep, so just play with him/sit with him until he's tired and then put him down.

With regard to tricks to get them to sleep in the house, I use white noise, or put him in a sling and do the hoovering, he's got a chair which vibrates that he sometimes falls asleep in, and some times I'll put him in the cot, blow dry my hair and find he's fallen asleep.

I tend to find that putting him down whilst he's drowsy and then just moving about the room, so he can still see me, but I'm not directly paying him any attention. I did find before that laying down with him and pretending to be asleep encouraged him to sleep, but that isn't working any more.

Oh dear, it would appear I am one of those selfish mothers then.

I have a 15 week old but 2 older children. I have to take the eldest to school and the middle to nursery, then pick up the middle one from nursery, back home for a few hours before picking up the eldest from school. As you can imagine making the baby's routine number one priority would be an impossibility. Baby likes to sleep late in the morning but I don't suppose my eldest's headteacher would accept that as an excuse for being late every day...

Basically DD goes off to sleep in the pram on our various school runs. Other than that I can easily tell when she's tired and when she is I try her down in her cot. Sometimes she settles, sometimes she doesn't. If she doesn't I put her in the sling so she can drop off while I get on with other stuff. I simply don't have time to fanny around getting her used to her cot and a routine with so much other stuff going on. She's a very contented little thing so she gets enough sleep this way.

As for getting her used to sleeping in the cot, I would just keep on trying it. I wouldn't personally advocate leaving such a small baby to cry though - you can still get the same result without the tears. My DS would only sleep in the sling when he was little, I just kept trying him in the pram (but giving up if he got upset), my persistance paid off in the end and he eventually had all his naps in there.

I must also be one of those selfish mums. My DD is now 13 weeks old and she sleeps when she wants - not when I want. She sleeps anywhere - our bed, mat on the floor, sling, pram, car seat etc. Sometimes she self settles sometimes she feeds to sleep. It becomes very clear when she needs a sleep at home. She becomes very quiet and stares off into space. Thats when I will put her down on my bed. I never have to leave her to cry - it just doesn't happen because I'm not inforcing my routine on her needs. She doesn't have a cot as we are co-sleeping. She is a very happy and contented little thing - actually not so little.
I agree with MrsGravy that once you have more than one a routine gets very difficult. I have no intention of keeping a 2.7 yr old in because his sister is having a nap.

Routines become a necessity only when they get older as far as I am concerned. If you go with the flow you can match the routine to the childs needs.

Both my DD's have settled better in the cot in the day and slept longer if I put them in a sleeping bag. Making sure you don't miss their sleep cues and letting them cry 'a little' I think are also required for most babies. Some are easier than others regardless of what you do - DD1 was much harder than DD2 who is now 16 weeks and has settled really well from 10 weeks.

I would suggest that you try every day for at least one sleep and if doesn't work take them out and just keeping trying until they get it (took 5 months with DD1 to completely suss). My personal experience is that the easiest sleep time to get them down in their cot for is always the first one of the day.

Thanks for the tips everyone - it is reassuring to know people are in the same boat. I have to say, I wasn't thinking about how hard a routine must be with two - the selfish comment was refering to me when I want to go to mother and baby cinema and it clashes with the time I would normally be pacing the pavements with my pram! Not at all to mothers who are trying to juggle more than one.

I wish I could just go with the flow but he will not even sleep in my arms anymore! I won't leave him to cry just yet and I have read that they should be 4 months before doing pick up/put down so I might just keep up with the endless walks until he is a little bit older then try to 'train' him to sleep in his cot!