3yo school behaviour

[RVL]

Hi,
DD is 3.7yo and has been half-days at school nursery since Feb. The teacher has always commented on DD's behaviour, but it is now serious: she has organised an "observational assessment" by a professional.

I am aware that DD is not an angel, and will tantrum if tired. DH and I have tried several calming methods, and "quiet time" seems to work. I have told Teacher this, and that she should share any concerns with me, and I would welcome any advice to correct DD's behaviour.

Now, this morning I was informed that Teacher wanted a Behaviour And Understanding Assessment. DD is a forward, intelligent child who has no problems with her speech or understanding. I don't think there is anything wrong, but have signed my consent just to prove it.

Surely a professional assessment is over the top? Even Headmaster is involved. To me, DD's behaviour is not a huge problem. Once told firmly or given five minutes to calm, she will return to normal. She enjoys nursery and has friends there, and apart from Teacher being convinced of her having a behavioural problem, we have had no real difficulty.

I am now worried that DD will be thrown out of school or diagnosed with ADHD etc because of this, when there is nothing wrong with her. Has anyone else experienced anything similar?

Hi there, I am sure you will get loads of good advice from people on here, from people who are a lot better placed to help than I am! It sounds like the teacher's view is very different from your experience of your DD.

What kind of behaviour is the teacher worried about? 3 years old seems quite young for the teacher to be wanting to do an assessment unless there is something very obvious - you don't say if its state or private nursery but in my own experience of state schools, they seem to want to wait until children are much older before doing a formal assessment because little ones can change so much and very quickly.

Please don't worry about your DD being thrown out of school - I am sure that the school are just trying to understand her behaviour and/or get suitable support if necessary. Of course there is nothing "wrong" with her, she is your lovely DD and any diagnosis would not change that. I know there is a lot of discussion about the benefits (or not) of having a "label" - in my case I pushed for an assessment of DS2 and although he wasn't diagnosed as having ASD, I feel that he has been labelled and that the issue does follow him through school. I have gained a greater understanding of his behavioural problems but I do often wonder if I should have gone through with it.

Good luck

I have just picked up my ds1 from school nursery - he goes 3 afternoon sessions a week - anyway - each time I pick him up the teacher has got some comment to make - today it was that he sometimes repeats things he is saying over and over. Now he doesnt do it all the time but it feels like she is trying to tell me that he has some sort of behavioural problem and that he is easily distracted.I am starting to worry that they are thinking he has adhd or something. He is only 3. I wish they would stop analysing everything. I hope it all goes ok for you - I just think nowadays children are expected to grow up to quickly and everything is analysed too much. Good luck.

Thanks OhLuckyYou and Frandango. It's nice to know there's support out there!

DD is at a state school nursery (things are different in Wales). The behaviour they're concerned about is her tantrums when she can't get her own way. DH and I can control these with distraction, but it's beyond me why people with childcare qualifications can't.

I completely agree that professionals are too willing to stick a label on a child that isn't as good in some respects as others.

How does she cope with the other children? Do they get hurt when she tantrums? I think where the nursery might be coming from is that most children this age are able to control themselves better for strangers than they do for their own parents, so tantrums in a nursery setting are less frequent. But this doesn't mean there is ncessarily anything wrong with your dd.

In any case, remember that the nursery have not made up their minds and labelled her; they are thinking of possibly having an assessment- which could just as easily go the other way and conclude that there is no problem. But even if they do conclude that she has difficulties, this would not be about excluding her or sticking a label on her, but about putting necessary support in place- including distraction techniques that they wouldn't normally expect to use in a nursery setting.