My 2 year old just doesn't listen to me

[LadyPen]

Hi, my 2 year old DS just doesn't seem to listen to me. getting him dressed is such a struggle, I am exhausted before we have even left the house. he runs off all the time and will never come to me if I call him, I end up chasing him down and then stuggle to put his coat on. Meal times are great, he its anything until he has had enough and then he throws his food on the floor and shouts to get down, cleaning his hands and face after a meal is a major event too. Am I just a 'push over' mummy :( . I don't know how to get him to listen to me or just sit calmly to do things (don't get me started with nappy changes (angry). Is he just a 2 year old boy?!?!?!?

Ah, you could be describing my 2 year old ds! Am watching with interest also to see if this is the norm. Am 34 weeks pg with number 2 (also a boy) and am interested to see if it's just me feeling rubbish and not coping too well with his little nuances at the mo, or if it is just him being a contrary little bgger! !

oh you poor thing! Fairly typical 'boy' 2 year old i think.

You could try all manner of things - ignore him and just sit there quietly until he comes back (my dd used to get SO freaked out by me not speaking to her)- he is after all attention seeking.

You could take his head gently in your hands so he has to look at you and say 'look at mummy' and then speak calmly.

Reward charts always worked for my 2 yr old ds.

I am sure loads of people will have tips - try watching the dreadful nanny programme, some of what she suggests is great underneath the crap format!

Our dd was similar. Drove me up the wall... but it does get better as they get older.

Also we decided on a 'system' to help us all know the boundaries. This also comes from me being physically impaired in my arms and hand and unable to rugby tackle to gt her dressed. Tis is what we do... e.g. getting dressed:

Ask dd would she like these socks or these pants (she likes to choose)

Be really positive "We're putting our socks on, how grown up"

If not.. give REMINDER - I have asked you to put your pants on

If not.. give WARNING - If you do not put your socks on it would be a big shame as you will have to sit* for 2 minutes.

If not follow through and make them sit*

Keep taking hem back to the sitting place...

After they have sat be really positive, insist on saying sorry, quick cuddle then back to it.

*We chose to ask DD to sit for 2 mins as you can do that anywhere (Grandma's house, supermarket etc) More important is that she is not given any attention (positive or negative) and has realised that the warning is real.

The words in capitals (reminder and warning) are cue words. IE. DD knew that if she hears 'warning' she knows exactly what will happen and did it without needing to sit.

This was really hard at first, she would run away nd I would keep putting here back... and then I felt like I was constantly warning and remindeing nher...

BUT. Now its brilliant. She is generally much better behaved and therfore happier herself. SHe often only needs a positive reminder... if we've been with other people I have jsut whispered reminder in her ear and she knows I mean busisness.

Also helps as nursery do similar..

Its not you - they are damn hard work. What do you think ofnthe above?

Forgot to mention that this works well for us too as it keeps it less emotional and more strctured (before I was jsutgetting more and more cros!!)

oh ladypen know what you mean!!

My DS is 2y4m and in the last few weeks he has had some episodes of very challenging behaviour and some spectacular meltdowns! Had had some before, but this is BIG!

Sometimes, asking him directly "do you want to go out on your scooter/see trains/to the park?" YES. "Ok, so first we need to change nappy/clean teeth/get dressed" works. But not every time! Currently he won't get in his buggy as wants to scoot everywhere, but this is a nightmare for running quick errands/going into town etc. So I spent an hour with him negotiating as needed to take him for new shoes... getting nowhere. We didn't go out at all .

Have tried to separate the non-negotiables (teeth cleaning) from the nice but not essential (going to a playgroup). My DS isn't talking much yet, which I think adds to the frustration.

I get your "pushover mummy" worry; because I'm a SAHM, and as we don't have many "have to" time commitments I can afford to be a bit more relaxed and take more time to get to end result, but sometimes worry that is counterproductive IYSWIM.

Good luck - here's to better days ahead. (DS at nursery one day a week (today) so should be cleaning/housework, so better dash!)

Great advice, glad to know I am not the only mummy with a willful DS. I will definately try some the tips you have given. Brilliant. Thanks all :)