Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

Please help me with DD 4. I don't know what to do anymore.

20 replies

Exogenesis · 27/09/2010 19:51

Someone, anyone, please I have NO idea what to do with my DD (4)

It's abit long so please keep with me i'll try to keep it short and sweet.

DD started school last tuesday and today I was called in to see her teacher because of DD's behaviour. She dosn't listen, she resists the teachers and dosn't concertatre on anything unless she wants too. Her teacher is lovely and said she is a very bright little girl but, she is very very hard work and if things don't improve she wants to call in the behaviour lady at the school to observe her in lessons.

You see I knew this was going to happen at some point.I weas just praying that " big school " would be different. At her nursery it was exactly the same. Her childminder quit because of DD's behaviour and she is awful at home, pretty much all the time.

I have tried time outs, star charts, and God knows what else. It never works. I do stick with it.
I just don't know what to do. Everything is a battle unless she wants to do it and if you say No it's hell. This goes beyond 'normal' 4 year old behaviour and I just don't know what to do.

I've changed her diet , ignored 'bad' behaviour, praised the good.

Sorry it's long and maybe does not make to much sense i will awnser any questions just hoping somebody will have something to say.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

Exogenesis · 27/09/2010 20:10

Oh and sorry fot the spelling

OP posts:

Adair · 27/09/2010 20:17

It sounds like school will give you lots of help - take it! The 'behaviour lady' should have loads of strategies. No idea if there is an underlying reason for her behaviour (which hopefully they will find) or whether it will all just click into place (4 is still very small...).

A good state primary will be the best place for her though (IMVHO) as they will persevere til it does click. Sorry to not give more help (am secondary teacher) but couldn't let your post go unanswered. Good luck, she has only been in school for a week... plenty of time for improvement (I see excluded teenagers turn around behaviour, anything is possible).

Original poster

Exogenesis · 27/09/2010 20:21

Thank you I know that the school is only trying to help and I am willing and happy to except any help they offer. I just don't know what to do with her at home and the like. Thank you Adair.

OP posts:

Adair · 27/09/2010 20:27

Have you read 'How to Talk'? I know people go on about it here, but it is good (there is a 'crib sheet' someone has made and linked to as well)

bethylou · 27/09/2010 20:32

I think some bright children go into school knowing more than their peers and waiting for some of them to catch up. The teacher will be trying ot get all of them into a routine, which some children will need to be talked through more than others, hence some bright children 'playing up' because they are bored.

As Adair said though, just take whatever help is offered (and bear in mind there may well be a wait for it so if nothing changes after a term, push for it). Good luck, and remember it's very early days and one in five children will have some sort of 'additional need' at some point in their school career.

PoopyFingers · 27/09/2010 20:35

Bumping for you

Original poster

Exogenesis · 27/09/2010 20:38

No not read that book. I will have to go look it up.

The teacher seems very keen to get DD seen sooner rather than later as she dosn't want DD to fall into a behaviour trap or her education (or that of other children) to suffer.

OP posts:

snowythedog · 27/09/2010 23:17

It's good that the teacher wants to intervene early. My DS also had behaviour support at school and it was useful for giving him 1:1 attention which eventually resulted in an ASD dx.

If a behaviour support person is assisting then your DD is probably on School Action Plus. Do be proactive in seeking help from the school, it's nothing to be ashamed of and there's a lot of help available but often parents need to be aware of what is out there. Have a look at the ACE website for more information on how to seek further help from the school.

I think it's also worth going to see your GP to ask for further help at home. We had the involvement of the local Child Psychology service. There may or may not be an underlying issue but they can give advice and support for temporary issues as well.

Original poster

Exogenesis · 28/09/2010 19:51

Thank you snoweythedog The educational behaviour supporty person isn't involved yet the teacher wanted to let me know that she thinks it would be IN DD's best intrest to involve her. She isn't on school action plus or anything else as far as I know but, she only started a week ago the teacher (who is wonderful) seems to care very deeply that DD gets the help she may or may not need.
I think I will go and talk to the GP i'd been putting it off for too long I just felt abit as if it's something I have or havn't done.

OP posts:

ragged · 28/09/2010 20:02

I'm confused, she doesn't listen and at school she instead... what? Angry outbursts? Eats bluetack? Chats to the other children? Pulls books off the shelves? Argues constantly? Trashes the room? Screams? Cries? Strategy for how to handle her partly depends on what she's doing instead of paying attention, I would have thought.

Original poster

Exogenesis · 28/09/2010 20:07

She wanders off. Ignores the teachers, shouts, argues and screams on occasion. It's not just school its pretty much all the time. It's just getting her to concentrate on anything she dosn't want to be doing or listen to anyone.

OP posts:

anonymosity · 28/09/2010 21:16

You know it might not be of immediate help, but I expect if she's bright and strong willed you can be safe in the knowledge that later in life, she will definitely not be a sheep, a push-over or someone who is going to get bullied. That strong will will serve her well in the long run. This is coming from someone with a similar temperament...

Original poster

Exogenesis · 28/09/2010 21:21

[GRIN] anonymosity Thanks. I'm kind of the same as DD not a push over and no matter what gets thrown my way I always find a way to make things work. So I know where she gets it from just I was never this strong willed I did as I was told (most of the time) I also got involved in drama at a really young age so Had a place to chanel my energy. DD loves dance and goes to ballet once a week and she (mostly) does as she is asked whilst there. Thank you for the upbeat message I guess I am getting so caught up with the right now I keep forgetting to think on the bright side.

OP posts:

anonymosity · 28/09/2010 21:35

Yes it probably means that whatever interests her, she'll be BRILLIANT at!

mrsmindcontrol · 28/09/2010 21:54

Oh my, exogenis, I could have written your OP word for word myself about my DS. He started school 2 weeks ago and I have already been called in to see the head and had several conversations with the deputy head.

He is just the same (if not worse ) at home and we too have tried every strategy. Are now starting to think that he possibly has ADHD.

Sadly, I have no advice for you but wanted to let you know you're not alone. I've got a GP appointment next week to discuss DS' behaviour. If I havent stuck my head in the oven by then, I will try and remember to come back and tell you what they say.

Original poster

Exogenesis · 28/09/2010 22:03

mrsmindcontrol please don't stick your head in the oven and please please do tell me what GP says. All of my friends have lovely " well behaved " children and just don't seem to get it.

OP posts:

primrose22 · 28/09/2010 22:20

Hello, have only skimmed over all your replies, so sorry if the following is repetitive or way off the mark.....
My dd is now 9, still head strong and at times 'tricky' but at 4..... I too tried star charts, rewards etc and really, really struggled, so I really feel for you Something I would recommend is a supplement called (I think!) eskimo oil or eskimo kids (I'll check and get back to you) It used to vastly improve my dds behaviour and we literally lived in fear of it selling out or disappearing from the shelves!

LoveGigi · 28/09/2010 22:21

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I too have a very very challenging 4.2 yr DD. I often think that no one else understands just how difficult my DD is. She can be a delight if she chooses to use her powers for "good" but a lot of the time she chooses to be a complete menace!! She can't stand "no" and will have a complete melt down when told off. She is very regimented and needs to be aware of everything that is going on and doesn't cope well when plans have to change.

I often feel like I'm being controlled by her, as if I don't do as she wishes then there will be hell to pay! However I mostly try to remind myself that she has only been on the planet for 4 short years and I am the parent. I have learnt to cope with monumental screaming tantrums in shops, mostly by leaving or pretending she's not with me.

My DD will be starting school in January and I too am dreading it. She wails every morning before nursery and still 1 year on has to be prised from my leg by a teacher crying and screaming. It is very wearing. I am told by everyone that she enjoys being there and is happy once my back is turned.

I have read numerous books, but sometimes you can read too much and lose your instinct on how to act appropriately. Diva's and Dictators is however the most helpful book I've read recently.

I am still too much in the thick of things to offer anything other than a bit of understanding. I like to think that everything is a phase and that everyday my DD is getting older and hopefully wiser. And as Anonymosity points out, these little ladies will be no pushover in life. Perhaps we should stop seeing these little ladies as troublesome and celebrate their passion and verve for life!

primrose22 · 28/09/2010 22:23

Hello again, yes its called 'eskimo kids' There is loads of info on it, just google it. I hope that helps, it really calmed my daughter down and I'm generally a sceptic about such things!

mrsmindcontrol · 06/10/2010 13:30

Hi - just coming back to this as promised to let you know what the GP said.
I basically outlined all of the problems we have with DS1's behaviour, the doctor asked a few questions and told me that it all sounded very familiar to him as his son has ADHD. So glad dr brought this up rather than me admitting I had been 'self' diagnosing via Google!

He seems pretty sure,without having actually met DS, that he has ADHD to some degree and has referred us to the childrens community psychiatric team for review.

He said such nice encouraging things to me about not blaming ourselves as parents and so on that I came home for a little cry!

I guess it's a long old road now to get him assessed but do feel as though some of the weight has been lifted by making the first step.
Good luck to all of you in the same position.

Flip