What to say to 4.5 year old constantly answering back

[rantyknickers]

Help.

DS1 is 4.5 and just started reception. He is driving me mad at the moment, although has been like this for a while, as is just resisting EVERYTHING.

Everytime I ask him to do something he tries to argue, negotiate his way out of it.

I don't want to just say ' because I said so' but also I don't want to have a debate about every little thing.

What do you say to yours to let them know that something is not up for discussion.

Firstly congratulate yourself on modelling such fantastic negotiating skills. He has learned it from you!!!
Secondly, celebrate the fact that you have an intelligent son who wants to fight his corner and has already developed the highly specialised linguistic skills to be able to do this.
Thirdly, dig yourself in for the long haul of explanation and justification that you will have to do just to make everyday things happen.
Finally, look forward to his future career in law, journalism or politics.
You are blessed. Enjoy.

Sometimes, I do stand back in genuine pride, other times, I just want him to put his clothes in the laundry basket

I have varying responses. Sometimes I'll say "I bet you can remember why" and get DCs to remind me why it needs to be done.

"How to talk so kids will listen" is good. Have you read it?
One of the things it suggests is giving information rather than asking for something to be done eg "Dirty pants go in the dirty washing basket"

I also say something along the lines of "this is non negotiable but you can choose how" eg "You need a wash, would you like to have a quick shower so you've got time to finish your game while I cook tea, have a bubble bath or perhaps you have another idea?"

I have read 'How to talk' but it really annoyed me. Actually i read the first couple of chapters and then sent it back to the library.

It was a bit too much 'gee, how did that make you feel' for me.

Maybe that's where I'm going wrong.

The giving information tactic sounds like a good one. Although at the moment, that tends to be followed by 'no it doesn't'

I've got 2 like this - everything seems to require some sort of negotiation and/or battle. I will try and remember spudmasher's words next time!

How To Talk is a bit infuriatingly worded but if you can get past that it does have some helpful things in there.

Haven't got my copy to hand at the moment but I'm sure there's a section in there which is probably called something twee but in the mumsnet edition would be called "How to get your (lovely, intelligent, of course) child to sodding shut up!"

Maybe look at that How To Talk crib sheet thread running currently? It's either this section or Parenting. I haven't looked at it but I'd imagine it's written in less "Jolly American" language.

In that case I might give it another go.

Definitely need a Mumsnet version with some normal language!

My DS has just started in reception and has suddenly become very assertive. He's a confident boy anyway, but I think it's due to the fact he is in school now that he is now testing the water/answering back.

I try to not get bogged down in arguments with him and do the 'just do it or else we won't go to the park this afternoon' type tactic. I also walk out the room if he's not playing listening and make out that I'm going to do something else, which means attention is no longer on him. This works quite well as he calls me back and then does what I'd asked him.

I'm no expert and these are just a few ideas of what works for me.