How much does your 9 yr old play?

[alligatorpurse]

I have 3 dcs - 9, 7 and 5. I would say my 9 yrd old DD has always been my most "challenging" - she was a very demanding baby and toddler, couldn't seem to amuse herself for 2 seconds. Things improved a bit once she started playing with other children, and once she could read.

During the week we don't notice it so much as she's quite busy with school and some other organised activities. But if we are just hanging around at home at the weekend, she isn't happy unless she's on the computer, watching TV, or we're doing something like playing a board game together. She could join in with all the imaginative games her younger siblings invent, but she won't. If we have a friend over for her, she's fine - they go off to her room and get out the playmobil or lego or draw pictures etc.

Is this normal 9 yr old behaviour? She seems very hard work to me. It's also made more difficult because where we live she can't go out alone at all.

Thanks.

My 10- yr old DS doesn't play either. He has handed most of his old toys over to his younger sibling. Competition from modern technology is one reason. His favourite thing is the computer, which we limit. He creates games on the computer, so he is at least using his imagination. He also loves watching television. He used to make things with Lego, but he doesn't even do this anymore. If we are stuck at home all day on a rainy day, he will sit staring into space, rather than play. Drives me nuts. If he is bored, I always suggest he reads, but he is not a great reader. I am delighted when he gets absorbed in a book, which is not that often.

He will play with his four-year-old sibling, but it is usually rough-and-tumble, not imaginative play.

It is tough for you though and I sympathise.

He is also my first child and was very challenging. Maybe I played with him too much, but he never seemed to be able to amuse himself for long.

My younger son plays imaginative games on his own quite happily for ages. As a child myself, I always played imaginative games - right up until I was about 14. It makes me sad that my son doesn't, but I can't make him. I have just had to accept that he is different from me.

If I am going to be at home with him for long, eg. in the holidays, I usually invite a friend round for him. In a few years' time, I suppose he will be able to go out with his friends and the not-playing issue will not be problem anymore.

...will not be a problem anymore, I mean.

I think it is a result of screens tbh. My 9 year old DS is the same. And he is an only so I tend to let him on Playstation/computer etc more than I should as I know he gets bored. He tends to go from Playstation to trampoline to TV to computer etc etc. Also plays football in the garden. Not keen on reading. Although am trying to encourage that a bit more. He does often go upstairs and get out all his old football magazines and read them.

But I think life is so different now that it is hard for us as parents to adjust too. When I was 9 I was always out. Often at a friends house but playing. But like you where we live DS can't go out really. He does sometimes play with the boy next door.

I think in some ways they grow up earlier than we did in regards to play. DS used to play happily on his own. Lots of imaginative play but he really has grown out of it all.

Yes I do think she seems older than I was at 9. I was still making up games with my barbie dolls I think! And outside a lot too. I find it a bit sad that she's already grown out of toys. She has passed a lot down to her sister and the few things she wanted to hold onto seem to sit in the cupboard gathering dust until one of her friends maybe gets them out, and then they seem to have fun. It's like she needs someone else to create the fun.

Like you, toffefudgecake, I limit the computer to maximum one hour per day, and I usually put the tv on when I'm cooking, otherwise they aren't allowed it on.

My DD would quite happily have something organised for every minute of the day, and she's always asking me what time it is and what's happening etc. I know it's just the way she is but I think it would be good for her to think a bit more for herself and try to use her imagination.

I agree that it would be better for them to use their imagination more etc but I really that that this day and age makes it hard. I am very relaxed about TV watching although I know I shouldn't be. It's laziness on my part.

I am restrictive about TV and computer use, but ds (now 10, but was same last year) does still not spend much time on imaginative games. He can spend hours kicking a football against the front door.

tbh I remember my best friend in the summer holidays was a bit like this- grew out of playing quickly- spent a lot of time just hanging around moaning that she didn't know what to doooo (I was in awe of her as being 2 yrs older, but sometimes felt that maybe I could have had more fun playing with my little brothers)- and that was nearly 40 years ago

some children just seem to hit the teen stage early- and did in those days too

I think you're right cory - DD is so "whatever" if we try to tell her anything, same with her younger siblings who still look up to her and want to play with her and tell her things. But she is all rolly eyes and saracsm towards them at the moment - sad.

You said things improved once she could read. Does she still enjoy reading? My older two dds are 9 and 7.5 and they do still play well together and often do, but they also both really love reading and spend lots of weekend time doing that.

Could you go with her to the library so she can choose some books?

Other things my 9 year old dd likes is craft kits/sewing/knitting etc - things like that she can do on her own.

DD is the same age and an only child. She will almost always opt for telly or computer as a first choice activity at home. Her next 'port of call' is to try to engage me in a board game, game of chess, etc.

If I tell her (in advance) that she needs to find something to do that is not computer or telly, and that I will not be available as playmate, she always will create an imaginative game or find a craft activity she enjoys. But, I have to be clear and firm upfront for it to happen.

ATM, I can hear her chattering/humming in the other room with the telly on in the background (we're not in the UK, so don't think she's up late!). But she is sitting on the floor with her Sylvanians playing an imaginary game. She has told me before she doesn't like sitting by herself in a silent room - and i understand that.

DS2 is just 9 and spends a lot of time playing with his soft toys and engaging them in various imaginary activities - so he is quite immature in that respect. His favourite activities are also the computer, Wii, TV, but I'm pretty restrictive as I see how wired both of my boys get. He also likes reading, though not always novels; at the moment he spends ages reading DH's Halliwell's Film Guide and disagreeing with the reviews.

DD also 9, seldom plays. She'll have a go with her littlest pet shop collection occasionally but probably not more than once every couple of months. She does read though, she can spend whole day with a book in front of her. She also likes to play on the CBBC website and has a pretty impressive zoo. Only child too.

My 9 yo is the youngest and plays a lot on her own, but she has always been like this. She goes out on her own quite happily on bike or scooter or skates, and also loves making stuff out of clay, paper, and cardboard, plus painting and drawing. She reads in fits and starts not the sort who always has a book out despite my best efforts to keep her interest up. She plays very happily with friends they have collections of littlest pet shop stuff and other small things, and they still haven't grown out of building things with blocks or Lego. They love the Wii. She goes through phases where she will watch the same DVD over and over again, much to the annoyance of the older DCs, who don't appreciate Hoodwinked on the same levels that she does any more.

9 is a funny age. The older DCs all seemed to go through a transition at around 10, and accelerated the change from then to 13. Cherish whatever you have at 9, cause it won't last.