Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Original poster

At what age did your DC go to their first sleepover?

29 replies

Fettle · 24/09/2010 21:33

Hi

6.5 yo DD has been invited to a sleepover tomorrow night and has been very excited about it all week - making plans with her friend at school about what they are going to do. Then tonight about 20 mins ago she came downstairs in floods of tears saying she didn't want to go to X's house for a sleepover.

I've told her she doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to. She says she doesn't want to go because she's going to miss me.

I'm obviously not going to force the issue as I don't want her upset, but was just interested to know if I have an overly sensitive DC as most parents I talk to seem to have let their DC sleepover at friends and vice versa for at least a couple of years already.

Any thoughts? Or is my DD destined to be the child who never wants to leave home (not that I'd be too bothered by that!!Grin).

TIA

ps I've offered for X to come over here to stay instead assuming her parents are happy with that suggestion.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
pinkbasket · 24/09/2010 21:35

Mine have never slept at a friends and ds1 was 4 before he stayed over at my inlaws.

ChasingSquirrels · 24/09/2010 21:36

ds1 was 8 today, he has never been for a sleepover at a friends (does go to grandma's).
He had a friend over to sleep (at his dad's) last weekend as a birthday treat.
Lots of his school friends do sleepovers, but only really in the last year or so.

Flyonthewindscreen · 24/09/2010 21:48

Mine are 6 and 8 and have never been to a sleepover yet. It doesn't seem to have started up amongst their friends as yet. I'm sure I didn't start doing sleepovers until I was 11/12ish and it wasn't called sleepovers then, it was just staying the night at a friends house...

Original poster
Fettle · 24/09/2010 21:49

thank you! Glad to know that she's not totally on her own.

She's only really stayed with other people when we've gone to weddings or funerals and always with her younger brother, so it's been a bit different.

I'll see how she is in the morning.

OP posts:
aegeansky · 24/09/2010 21:49

Started regularly when DC was just 6.

Original poster
Fettle · 24/09/2010 21:51

Crossed with you Kamar - you're right "staying the night with a friend" sounds less intimidating and probably more truthful than "sleepover" as I'm not sure too much sleeping goes on! (although that's part of DD's problem, she worries she won't be able to go to sleep if her friend is talking to her!).

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 24/09/2010 22:07

You have to take the lead from the DC-they are all different. My DS1 and DS3 didn't have any problem, but DS2 found it difficult. We often had to collect him about 11pm. We never made it an issue and he was fine in the end-in his own time.You wouldn't be able to guess now which could do it at 6 yrs and which waited until about 12yrs. Keep the opportunities open but don't force.

Hulababy · 24/09/2010 22:11

DD slept over at grandparents from 3y. She has stayed at her best friends house (parents friends of ours too) from 4/5yo. And with classmates from 5/6y. She is 8y now an dmost school holidays has a sleep over either at a friend's house or her friends here.

I currently have DD's best friend (age 7y) and her little sister (5y) fast asleep upstairs in DD's room whilst their parents are out for the evenin - all sound asleep :)

YourCallIsImportant · 24/09/2010 22:11

DD was about 6.5 and had a sleepover 3 doors down. Major nerves on my part but she loved it, and has had them almost every weekend since - one week here then the next week at her friend's house.

NoahAndTheWhale · 24/09/2010 22:13

DS is 6.10 and hasn't been on any. Can't imagine it happening any time soon tbh.

ivykaty44 · 24/09/2010 22:15

my dd went to stay with granma for ten days with her big sister - she still said to me she missed me and could have coem home - she was abroad

dd is used to being with others people overnight as I am divorced - but it still doesn't stop them missing you

she is nearly 12

LilyBolero · 24/09/2010 22:16

3 or 4

TheProfiteroleThief · 24/09/2010 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

doozle · 24/09/2010 22:21

DD is 4 and has stayed at her friend's house

The friend has stayed here a couple of times too.

jellybeans · 24/09/2010 22:22

3yrs to grandparents
7yrs brownie/cub camp
8-9 yrs if I felt OK with their friends houses, otherwise 9/10

NoahAndTheWhale · 24/09/2010 22:43

DS has stayed with grandparents and aunt and uncle by the way. Just can't imagine a sleepover with school friends for a while.

Do Beavers go on camps?

Anenome · 24/09/2010 23:51

I asked about this the other day...mine is also 6 and she was asking and asking to sta at her cousins..eventually I said yes...only to have her in tears later that night because she didn't want to go! I said the same as you.

Tbh I think 6 is FAR to young to stay at friends homes...I think 10 or 11 is realistic. Or at least until they know how to go on socially!

It's a fairly new trend...brought in from the good old USA...there seems someting teen-agery about it which attracts little girls but the reality is not so fun.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 24/09/2010 23:57

I am watching this with interest, as my dd (6.9) is desperate to have friends for a sleepover for her next birthday. We have the space, but I am uncertain, as I remember my first sleepover at a friend's house (as opposed to cousins etc), when I was about 7- it was great until my friend fell asleep then I felt very alone and scared in a strange house, and worried that I couldn't remember where the bathroom was! From a selfish POV I'd rather do the first sleepover here so I can guage how her wee friends deal with it all (obviously I would be listening out for them all night!) before sending dd off to someone else's place!

Anenome · 25/09/2010 08:22

To be honest Joolyjoo I would only be prepared to hav one in my own home at this age...and eventhen it seems they can turn into nightmare affairs...I can barely cope with someone elses child for a three hour playdate!

Its the way they bicker...playing well one minute and the net squabbling over who gete the best princess dress.

I've pretty much decided that we will only d sleepovers with cousins unitl my DD is about 10....at 10 most kids are abl to cope with sadness/homesickness...

piscesmoon · 25/09/2010 08:29

Beavers only go to a camp for the day, if they stay over it is a family camp and they have to have a parent.
Do not leave it to 10 or 11 -it is too late. I really felt for one poor 11yr old girl, she was really in a state about the year 6 residential visit. She had the choice of not going, but she really wanted to go and all the class were going. She kept saying to me, over and over again-'but I haven't even had a sleepover'. In the end she went and had a great time, but she went through hell beforehand and I felt quite annoyed with the mother-I thought it cruel.(I was a supply teacher and she told me-she had already told everyone else and I was told ,by those who knew the family, 'well Mrs....keeps those girls tied to her apron strings')
You don't have to do friends very early-but certainly by 8 yrs old. Mine stayed on their own with grandparents from about 15months and they are perfectly happy and secure. DS2 even requested going on his own when he was about 4 yrs because he had always been with DS1.
It all depends on whether your DC wants to do it. If your 5 yr old does, then I don't see the point in holding him back-you can always collect him at night if he doesn't settle.

ben5 · 25/09/2010 08:36

ds1 was 6.5 and he loved it. we have also had his friend over. we are good friends with the parents so they are both used to each others houses!
ds2 is only 4 but has had many nights left in hospital ( well with docs nurses etc!). we did stay with him some nights but sometimes dh and i needed to spend some quality time with ds1 which meant leaving ds2 over night but i think thats different!

piscesmoon · 25/09/2010 08:43

If you don't like sleepovers (I don't) then send them to Brownies or Cubs and they will camp at the age of 8 yrs-problem solved!
Here again they are all different. DS1 went on a cub camp 100 miles away for 5 nights, DS2 had to be collected from an overnight camp at the scout hut at 11pm. It did mean that DS2 (after one or two failures)managed the year 6 residential visit-and enjoyed it)

Original poster
Fettle · 25/09/2010 09:02

Interesting thoughts - I hadn't really thought about the residential school trips later on. I have horrid memories of my first ever Brownie camp - as I was so homesick! I think I had stayed with friends before then, but not often.

I do think 6 is a bit young for my DD personally as she is very sensitive (mainly due to DH's job meaning he's away for long periods of time quite regularly as he is at the moment), unless she wanted to. But we'll see how we go with her friend here tonight and hopefully it will then be easier to go back to her friend's house at a later date.

They only live a few hundred metres away, so it's not hard for a midnight return!

OP posts:
veritythebrave · 25/09/2010 09:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ragged · 25/09/2010 09:49

DC were 8 or 9yo.
Age 7 DD went to Brownie Camp having never (ever) slept away from us and she was fine, she didn't want to come home!! No way she would have managed even a single night at 6yo, though.