motherese and baby talk

[LionsnTigersnBears]

Hi Everybody,

I've got a 12 week old dd and have just been told that I'm not 'talking properly' to her. I have quite a soft low voice and apparently I should talking in a high pitch tone to her at all times, according to my new HV. I feel bloody stupid trying this and self-conscious like am an OTT presenter from cbeebies. Am I a bad mother for not being able to do this? Does everyone else find it easy?

Just talk to your dd however feels natural to you, she will turn out absolutely fine :) The only important thing is that you talk to her.

Thanks Easilyconfused and Cat,

Thanks for the links too. Its just I do talk to her, all day, and tell her what we're doing and say things like 'upupupupup' when I'm lifting her so she knows where she's going and what have you. She's a talented non-sleeper so I spend most of the day with her in a sling so she is getting attention, I just find the silly voice makes me self-conscious and the baby doesn't help by giving me a vague polite smile as much to say 'oh god we got a live one here' :). To be honest I think I bore her. :(

umm.... what are children's centres? Should I know about these already?

your HV is being absolutely ridiculous! your baby knows and likes your voice. continue doing what you are doing

Please don't worry about it. It sounds like you talk to your DD lots and give her lots of attention. That's all that matters. I don't think it's that parents (or is it just mothers ) should speak in a high pitched or sing songy voice, the research just shows that this is what often happens. The main thing is that you talk to and engage with your child.

Your HV is a nut job.

Talk to your baby in a way that feels right to you. The best way to help a baby to learn how to talk is for you to talk to him/her a lot and don't have the TV/radio on all the time.

Thanks all. I'll look up the children's centre as well. How come I'm always the last to know? :)

lionstigersnbears another silly bloody HV. Honestly, where do they get them from?

In some areas of the world, they think it's ridiculous to talk directly to children at all until they can understand and communicate properly. Still the kids grow up understanding and speaking quite nicely, thankyou. Not suggesting you follow that example, by the way....

I didn't find out about my local children's centre until DS was five months old. I really wish I'd known about it before though, it was the only place I managed to meet other mums with babies of similar age. I had been really lonely before that.

As well as weekly groups for new parents and messy play sessions, mine ran a one-off first aid course for £3 which was superb. They also do things like mums' pamper days on Mothers Day, organising a night out for the mums at Christmas, lots of stuff like that.

And you can go to any centre, you're not just restricted to your local one. So if there's a bigger and better one you'd rather go to, you can.

Your HV sounds nuts though. Your baby will know and love your voice from when you were pregnant. Fancy criticising something like that!

TheCrackFox, I never knew that. How does it inhibit speech acquisition? I have the radio on all the time, talk radio though.

Don't worry - your baby already knows what you sound like - unless you were doing silly voices for the last 9 months I talked to my two DCs all the time - telling them what we were doing, where we were going, what things were etc I also am a strong believer in singing helping with language development. I took both mine to a toddler singing group from when they were very small which they both really enjoyed. I sang songs with them at home too - especially ones with actions which you can do for/with them - clapping, rowing etc. I never changed my voice or the way I spoke though Both my DCs were saying lots of words before they reached their 1st birthday and neither have shut up since!!

I have a DS with a speech delay - as well as an older DS who spoke normally and early. I always spoke normally to both my children and obviously, oldest son's language developed fine, whereas second boy has severe problems. I read many resources/books on the subject and many books (if not most books) recommend to speak to babies/toddler in short sentences, repeating key words frequently. Also recommended is to focus on intonation and speak slowly, and repeating back the sounds that babies make, as well as making lots of sounds to imitate trains, cars, etc... Most children will develop normally without using 'motherese', but for some children it is proven to help with language development. I wouldn't discredit the HV completely, she is passing on information which will help many many children.

Lots of info and resources can be could at www.ican.org.uk , and two top books on the subject are It Takes Two to Talk and Baby Talk by Sally Ward.

Thanks for explanation, cat64

Thanks all! I'll def. check out the children's centre and the ican site, thanks. I started singing to DD when she was born but as I don't know any nursery rhymes (god it sounds like I was raised by wolves or something doesn't it?) we've had some dubious experiments with Lady Gaga and the greatest hits of madonna. The neighbours must think I'm bonkers!!!!

I agree just engaging with your baby and telling her about the day / activities / life etc is enough, I probably did have a slight sing song voice for my little baby but if it doesnt feel natural then I wouldnt force it, it could make you more self concious and therefore talk less which would be the real shame.

I know what you mean about nursery rhymes / kids songs, I think I repeated Old McDonald and Wheels on the Bus a million times before I found some new material! I picked up new songs from baby sign classes (Tiny Talk - love love loved these classes) and ryhyme time at the library and there are proper Toddler music groups all over the show tho we've never been to any dedicated ones (there are adverts in my Drs surgery near where the HV weigh ins and check ups are done).

We have the BBC childrens audio cd Wheels on the Bus which has a huge amount of traditional songs on it, its only £3.50 so could be a good place to start to refresh your memory!

Having never even interacted with a newborn until my DD was born, I was hopeless at talking in motherease and knew only a couple of nursery rhymes. Of course, I talked to her all day long, in my normal voice. But I thought it would be interesting for myself to learn and so I Googled the lyrics to a number of nursery rhymes and bought a few pop up nursery rhyme books and started to sing them to her - she was completely engrossed and her interest definitely spurred me on. I found singing nursery rhymes and doing hand motions to them encouraged her to keep her head up during tummy time (more than me just chatting with her).

She's 2.3 years old now and loves chatting away and singing songs off by heart so it obviously all worked out well. Now I am completely comfortable singing and talking to her in an exagerated fashion.

Try it! It'll be a learning experience for you :-) And your baby will definitely benefit.