Why wont she sleep - advice please??

[EmmieA]

I have a 21 month old daughter who is a very difficult sleeper and Ive tried so many different things which haven't worked. I could really do with some advice?
She naps well in the day, usually for about 1.5 hours and after her bath goes to sleep about 7.30pm. She settles well, on her own with no soother. She has a cup of milk before her bath but no bottle to go to sleep with.

The problems start then in the night, she just will not sleep through! When she wakes she will not settle herself and just shouts until we settle her - sometimes she will lie down and go back to sleep other times she wont and after an hour of trying to get her to sleep myself and my husband give up and bring her into our bed. However even this doesn't make her settle back to sleep - she sometimes takes over an hour to go back to sleep, even in our bed.

On the very odd occasion she does sleep through - she never sleeps past 5am and is then ready to get up whether she has been up several times in the night or not.

We've tried just leaving her to shout and get herself back to sleep but she will just shout for hours and then get herself so upset she is sick.

One thing which surprises us is whenever she wakes up she cries instantly - she doesn't make any noises before she starts crying. Its sounds really distressing.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated?

I'm no expert by any means and I'm sure someone will be along to offer you much better advice after me.

If you feel her cry is a distressed cry can you ensure the room feels safe for her? Is she happy in her cot/bed? Do you have the room dark so she understands it is night time?

My feeling would be that she cries automatically because she knows if she does it long enough she gets to get in with you and DH.

It sound as though you have a pretty good routine of bath/milk/bed and she can self settle as she does this when she first goes to bed.

Have you tried reducing the nap in the day? Just before my DD turned 2 she started to naturally sleep less at night and over the course of the next few weeks we dwindled off her naps in the day and it seemed to make a definite difference. Maybe a bedtime story in bed? Transition from cot to bed (if not already)?

After settling off to sleep at 7.30, how long does it take or at what time does she start to unsettle?

Have you tried dropping the day time nap - I ask because my second child gave it up at about 2 years old ?

Do you think she's tired enough? Does she get enough exercise to tire her out each day?

Food - I discovered, quite by accident, that a dish of Ready-Brek before bedtime worked wonders. If you've ever seen that stuff go cold in a dish, it sets like concrete! I can only imagine is realeases it's energy s l o w l y through the night, thus keeping little tummies full!

My ds dropped all naps at 20 months. It didn't magically mean that he slept through and we were co-sleeping, so he was in bed with us anyway. What time is the nap at? I found that it was getting later and later in the day.

i have a 21 month old who has been doing this now for about 2 months. we are all exhausted and my little boy who s just started school is being disturbed as well, so i am bumping this for both of us

Thanks! If anyone else has anythign they think might help, I;d be really grateful, thanks to everyone who has too.

Have you tried/considered co-sleeping from the beginning of the night? Just wondering, when you say she cries, if she is scared at waking on her own (plenty of children - and adults - don't like sleeping alone) which could cause an adrenaline rush - and then of course it would take her ages to settle.

Or, if you don't want to co-sleep, you could try the reverse, sleeping on a mattress in her room so you can settle as soon as she wakes. If it works, you could try 'gradual withdrawal', moving your mattress a little further away each night until you are back in your own room.

I second the eating something filling just before bed. Does she seem hungry when she wakes or scared ?as scroobius says.

This sounds exactly like my DD who is now 18 months. She screams at the top of her lungs instantly on awaking. She's done the crying thing since birth so I don't think it's down to any separation anxiety. Just like your DD there isn't time for her to realise she's alone before she starts crying and sometimes is still asleep while she's doing it.

Out of interest, did your DD have reflux as a small baby? Mine did and I wonder now if the times she can't settle back to sleep, even if she's in with us, are because she has a stomach ache.

To be honest, after our excellent sleeper DD1, adjusting to life with DD2 has been really hard and some days I still struggle to cope. However, as she's got older we've had relatively peaceful periods of a few weeks where she's slept through. I don't think there's a lot to be done about the sleeping now - I have tried everything. However, I'm keeping myself going by remembering she's only a year or so off the age where bribery might work (sticker charts, etc.).