Does gender make a difference?

[PDog]

I have a DD and am fed up of being told that I 'have it easy'. I think that each child can be challenging in their own way, regardless of their gender, and when they are babies it has much more to do with their nature.

After DD was born I made a comment to a friend about DD sleeping a lot in hospital. She said, "well, if you had a DS you would know about it. The mw had to take my DS away so I could get an hour of sleep". Actually DD had jaundice, which was why she slept so much.

Also had numerous comments from another friend who has a 2yo DS. She has said that I will have a much easier time than her because as DD gets older, she will just play with jigsaws and do colouring by herself . She also excused her DS throwing things at my DD, smashing his toys into my coffee table and smacking/pinching her with the line "he is a boy, that is what they do". I think it has more to do with her lack of firm mummy voice, instead saying very meekly "we don't like hitting, do we DS?"

So, those of you with DC of different gender - is it really as simple as boys behave one way and girls another?

Oh, FGS - I have 2 DSs, and absolutely hate parents of boys excusing their bad behaviour with "that's what boys do" - drives me up the blardy wall. Am that your friend would allow her DS to pinch/smack your DD - my DS2 is 2 and knows enough not to do that.

Ds1 never slept and was a pretty difficult toddler, but is now mostly absolutely delightful (he is 4.7). DS2 slept a lot, is pretty self-contained, but physically very bold (because he has an older brother, probably - he is 2.7). They both like jigsaws and colouring but also like running around like loons and shouting a lot.

I think to a certain extent, children are conditioned to behave in one way or another, aand many parents (whether consciously or not) encourage this.

Enjoy your DD and ignore the comments. If you did have a DS, you wouldn't necessarily have it easier or harder, but you would have some similarly inane comments to put up with...

children are all different as are all parents.

Just re-read OP and think I midread your friend's DS hitting/pinching her as hitting/pinching your DD. Still not impressed - my DSs get pretty short shrift if there's any hitting.

I get really tired of everything ds (11mo) does being put down to "oh, it's because he's a boy", when actually, the more I get to know him, the more I realise he is so like me. He's a crap sleeper, like me, and gets easily frustrated and grumpy, like me. dd is much more like her dad. ds is also much keener to get moving, because he has a big sister to copy, and boy, does he want to copy her.

And if ds behaves like that when he's older, he'll get stopped pdq.

There's a great song that goes:

Look at little Janey,
Doesn't she look pretty,
Playing with her dollies,
Proper little mum!
da da da da da da
da da da da da da (sorry)
Don't hit your sister, Johnny,
Now look what you've done!

Ah but boys will be boys
It's a fact of human nature.
And girls will grow up to be mothers.

Utter rubbish. But - it is important to let kids let off steam and if a child is racing round indoors and breaking things, take him/her out for a while.

If a child is aggressive, it's probably because s/he has some other issue - jealousy? anger? - and that has to be dealt with first. Sometimes I think it's just because they are trying things out ('What happens if I poke baby in the eye?') or testing limits.

Enjoy your lovely daughter, and don't expect her to do certain things or be a certain way just because she's a girl. Introduce her to all sorts of experiences and let her choose.

I would love to know what parents of older children / adults think about this.

ATM I think in general boys and girls are different, especially as they get older and into their teenage years. I don't mean one is more difficult than the other, just that your parenting experience may be different.

But am prepared to change my mind about this, as I only have a 3 yo girl at the moment.

Yes Mog, he does pinch and smack his mum (and his dad). I do think he is just testing the boundaries but they aren't setting any by excusing his behaviour because of his gender.

She is only 9mo and isn't even aware that she is a girl yet.

I agree that children are all different and believe that behaviour has much more to do with nature and nurture than gender.

I've got a daughter and two sons and two grand daughters, and I can honestly say that I don't think there is any difference when they are little. As a parent you just worry about different things as they grow up.

But I do think it is possible that men and women react differently to some things - so I wonder when that all begins.

This is quite interesting as I have 2 boys and the comments I keep getting are the complete opposite.

"oh, you're lucky, boys are much easier than girls"

In various different forms.

Ds1 is a confident, independent, active, free spirit toddler who is also more than happy to sit down for a cuddle, do colouring, a jigsaw etc if the mood takes him.

I'm not sure him being a girl would make him any different.

Ds2 is only 5 day's old so his personality remains to be seen.

Parents who have the "boys will be boys" mentality and use this excuse for their child's bad behaviour are obviously going to think mothers of girls have it easy.

In reality, gender makes no difference at all but parenting does play a big part!

I think it happens when children get old enough to appreciate gender stereotypes and from peer pressure.

Have seen lots of threads where boys are happy playing with dolls/dressing up/wearing pink etc until they start nursery and get teased .

Yes lifeas, agree that parenting is key and if you justify bad behaviour because of gender then surely they are more likely to live up to it?

Well, I for one thing there is something in the gender difference. My 2 DS have had a full selection of toys available to them, soft toys, tea sets, cars etc. My DS1 does love making 'cups of tea' and such (and adores his kitchen), but the way he plays with it seems different to how my friends DDs do.

And cars, trucks and trains.....!!!!! They can't get enough of them!!!! Granted some of DS2's behaviour is probably conditioned by copying DS1, but DS1 chose these toys himself initially, so I think that was nature, and not nurture!!!

I think boys can also be more boisterous, which does NOT mean they are more naughty by any stretch of the imagination!

Have two DSs but very different (youngest one 'driven'-energetic, forceful, little lovable loon; eldest quieter, thoughtful and very concerned about others's safety and cooking-but equally likes bombing about a bit). Have a good friend with DS and DD of same ages who are different in almost exactly the same way, but for her elder DD is always being praised for being a 'good Mum' and youngest is 'a real boy'. Don't know what I'm trying to say-think it's that if we think beforehand that some behaviour is connected to gender we see it and think of it as 'natural' and that if it isn't we think it's unique to our kids or parenting.
But boys shouldn't be allowed to hit because they're boys, that's just plain BS. Even if you believe in gender as nature absolutely you wouldn't say tell men to please hit women, it's just your nature (well not unless you're in charge of the criminal justice system anyway), so why allow it for kids?