Hi i would love some advice about my dd 8.
Background is she has 3 brothers 26,24,20 who do not live at home but who she sees and are very loving.Her father left us when she was 18months and although i was very upset i never let them see and as far as she was concerned everything was ok and she saw her dad regularly. This changed when she was about 3.5 and he stopped bothering much and i had to contact him to do so.As far as i can tell she has had a nice up bringing and goes to a nice school and we have anice life with lots of loving family and friends.
When she was 5 i met my now dh who is avery kind and gentle man from a very close family. He didnt force himself on dd and let her get to know him slowly and id a very good step dad to her.Takes her to school and activities plays with her(more than i do)he even bought her flowers like mine on iour first valentines day. I honestly couldnt fault his handling of the situation.
On the whole they get on very well and she initiates cuddles and says i love you without prompting. DH is very friendly to her dad when he comes and speaks about him positivly with her.
However she continues nearly 4 yrs later to be very apitefull to him. She never misses the opportunity to mock him or his clothes moles etc and tells him often he is not part of "our family" He can come in from work and he says hi how are you have you had anice day? and she will mostly scowl at him and look away then 2 mins later ask him to play or help her with something(he will do it too)
It is just general spitefullness.
I have noticed with friends that she is also quite bossy and domineering and can also be very spitefull such as if they have something she will sulk or say it is rubbish.
We have just been to a christening and she hated not being the centre of attention and trying to draw attention to herself all the time.When i try to talk to her or reprimand her she cries so cant hear me and puts her head down into her hands it really is very difficult and bear in mind i have bought up 3 strapping boys and know about boundaries and consequences. When she is not being like this she is very loving and sensitive loves animals and babies and feels empathy for others even cried at the homeless man in town.My relationship with her is very close and we have lots of cuddles and time together with and without dh.
I am now having a baby which is a dream come true for her and she is so excited but i have to get a handle on this before as if she shows so litle respect for dh that the baby will pick it up too. I suspect dh needs to step up the discipline but this doesnt come naturally to him ans he continues to be nice to her abs try. I personally would have walked out by now if i was him.
I know i need a plan of action but i really am stumped and would love some suggestions of how to deal with this.
Thanks in advance as i know you will help.