I want to be a girl

[Jen44]

For last 6 months my DS, recently turned 3yo, has made comments about wanting to be a girl. He plays a lot with girls, including dressing as a princess or fairy, he wants long hair and loves anything pink and sparkly, intended for girls. It's hard to put into words how I feel, not exactly worried but concerned I suppose. He's a gorgeous, sensitive, funny, very articulate child. Should I indulge him - buy him a princess dressing up dress etc? Or say no they're for girls? Would love to hear from people who have had similar experiences.
Thanks :-)

He'll grow out of it. It is not an indication that he has either gender confusion or is gay. It's just a stage. Smile, say 'how wonderful darling' and let him get on with it. My DB wanted to be a girl for a while. He's now a rugby playing married father of four.

At that age, there is nothing permanent, they don't get death or permanency of gender etc.

He'll probably want to be a tree next week. :)

I would just go with it for now, most toddlers go through a stage like this. Is there anything that you can do to make him feel that being a boy is just as fun and exciting? Does he like stories with boy heroes and adventures? I wouldn't do any gender-stereotyping if I were you, it will affect his self-esteem in a negative way. Just go with it and see what happens.

How about asking him what it is about girls that he likes? He might like dolls, or nice shiny fabrics, or pink shoes, or all kinds of things. There's no harm in a boy liking all sorts of "girly" things, and you buying them for him, and its most likely not going to be something which continues longer term or affect his "gender identity".

My nephew was still wearing nail polish and headbands at the age of 6...he still likes makeup now he is 7 but would never tell his mates.

My sis does not worry about it...I think it's a phase and also think that their generation is growing up in a MUCH less gender orinentated society than we did....yes there are still "norms" but these kids also see men on TV in makeup quite often...they see Justin on Telly dressing up in a tutu....I think it's healthy and fine and doesn't mean he is gender confused.

My DD is 2 and a half and prefers Dad's Boots to my high heels.

Wanted to add that in addition to loving makeup my nephew is great at footy and hangs with all the boys in school...not the girls..he's a "typical" boy in every way apart from his penchant for wearing a nice blusher in the privacy of his own home!

I think this is very common. I wouldn't necessarily encourage it, but don't deney it either. There's nothing wrong with it as long as he's not showing signs of being really down. That would be an indication it was something deeper.

my grand son now 11 was the same everything had to be pink including bed sheets lights and pushed a dolly in a buggy had lots of fun with barbies etc. when i tell him now about it he is horrified go with it and ignore it it will pass. Oh the smaller one now six has only just given up nail polish on fingers and toes. and eyeshadow.!!!!!!!

My dd says she wants to be a boy/wishes she was a boy quite a bit and it does upset me. She is seven.

DD wants/thinks she is a boy she is 4. nod and get trhough it.

It upsets me as my PIL prefer the boys and I worry she is picking up on it. I was tomboyish too but it has taken me until this moment to realise why.

Jen44, do you think maybe also that he's just realised that boys can't have babies? I know a friend's ds was really quite distressed when he found this out about that age - I think he went through a phase of wanting to be a girl for that reason.

My DS is only 13 months younger than my DD and from the age of 3 to 4 he would only wear her clothes. He did ballet and was very very girly. I used to take him to nursery in jeans everyday and the first thing he'd do is take them off and put on a tutu. For dressing up day he went as a fairy.

He also used to say that he wanted to do ballet so that he could be a girl.

Anyway - as soon as he started school the girls started teasing him about doing ballet and he totally gave it up and hasn't worn his sisters clothes since.

I'm kind of sad.... That peer pressure made him give up what he loved. I was looking forward to being an uber competitive ballerina mum :)

Now he's neither boyish or girlish.

Let him do it as much as he likes. Playing like this will not change his gender one iota. I think mums are often scared that boys will be emasculated by playing like this, but that's not how it works.

(Also, you might like to read Cordelia Fine's new book, 'Delusions of Gender, The Real Science behind Sex Differences,' but then again. It's just out.)

But in any case, don't worry.

I think plenty of 4 y/o boys do take dolls out & about, Lenin, certainly the ones I know. BiL (much younger than DH, clearly!) carried his Baby around for years.

Hope your ds enjoys Reception :)

DS1 was very much like this - loved dolls (he used to take his doll (a girl doll) out in its buggy round town until quite recently - he is 4.7), pink, dresses etc. He has 1 or 2 dressing-up dresses. He also loved Fireman Sam, trucks and helicopters. It's all normal, imo - young children don't know that certain toys/colours/things are meant for girls/boys only - they only get those gender cues later on, and I think it's a shame when it happens, in many ways. Wasn't worried by it all, thought it was, if anything, indicative of a sensitive disposition (although probably not even of that, tbh).

Thank you so much to everyone for your messages. You have put my mind at rest. You are right, I'll just continue to enjoy ds for the lovely 3 y o he is and ignore comments from others.