Playgroups - am I the only person they make feel like s**t?

[bookshelf]

Just got back from a Saturday morning playgroup with DD1, who's three and a half, and am feeling rubbish. All the other kids sat still in the circle to sing songs while mine wriggled and got up and looked around and chatted. When it comes to the playing, she didn't join in with the others either, who were all happily playing with a big train-set. She's also very attention-seeking - kept going up to the woman who runs the group to 'show' her things.

I feel like my child is different from all the rest and that I've really messed her up. Why can't she sit and listen like other children her age? Why can't she just join in? I'm worried that she's going to have real problems in school.

Anyone else experienced similar, and with what longer-term results? Thanks!

Don't worry bookshelf. My 2.8yo is exactly the same. We go to music group, she's the one opening cupboard doors and hiding round the corner. She doesn't sit still, wanders off, wants to do her own thing and often sits on the sidelines watching rather than joining in. All the other children are happily singing along and doing the actions.

She goes to nursery while I'm at work and they've said although she takes slightly longer to get going, prefers to stand and watch for a while before getting stuck in, she is perfectly well behaved, sits and listens to stories etc no problem. I think it's because we're there, that's all. On their own they're like little sheep and do whatever the others are doing.

I think you'll find that most mums of more inquisitive kids have ditched the playgroups and so you aren't seeing a representative sample of 3yos there. Your dd sounds perfectly normal to me and tbh I'd rather my 3 yo was up and running round than sitting down singing songs. Try soft play or trips to the park or anything that involves 'doing' rather than 'listening'.

DS1 would never sit and listen to anything at that age, he's at school now and one of 'the good boys'. Sits beautifully at the cinema and theatre but still won't sit at the dinner table All normal, don't worry

I could have written your post about 18mo DS. I know that's a lot younger, but still!

It's helpful to me to know that it's normal for some children to be like this.

I guess as adults it's hard for us to control what we're interested in, so why should DCs be any different. They're probably just not so good at hiding it .

I've found the same at ds2's nursery school, although to be fair it is only one teacher (or whatever they're called)

She was a bit cat's bum outh about the fact that ds2 wouldn't concentrate on anything, kept getting up off his chair at story time. She even asked if he was talking yet. This, about the boy who chatters 19 to the dozen at home, knows numbers to 20 and the entire alphabet.

I just put it down to three things:

1. There's so much stuff to do at playgroup/nursery school- how can any child resist getting up to explore?

2. The inquisitive ones are plainly way more intelligent and destined for great things in later life

and in our case particularly

3. Ds2 is a fantastic judge of character and just doesn't like this particular teacher enough to deign to chat with her.

If it's any comfort, my elder ds was also like this and appears to be entirely normal. Well, as normal as a 14 year old can be, anyway.

Haha Shodan - well, I already know you're right about your point 2)

That sitting still at circle/carpet time is quite a difficult skill for children to learn. It's good to go to stuff like that so they get used to it a bit.
Some children still struggle with it when they start school.

You're not on your own at all. I am one of the mothers who now avoids them at all costs. It just ended up being so stressful that neither of us were getting anything out of it. ds actually called it a day at 2.10yrs when he would ask to go after about 20 mins I was secretly very relieved.

Shodan - I'm liking point 2!

Glad this isn't just me. My DS will happily draw and listen to stories at home but won't sit still at baby and toddler group. He's now 2, and the only reason I force myself to go is because he loves it and I have friends there. He's always been very active and nosy. I notice a lot of mums with older active kids just stop going. I watched them get stressed out, and I really sympathized. Sometimes I feel like I must look like I'm a bad mum when DS gatecrashes the song circle with the toy lawnmower again, or has to be held back from reversing one of the ride in cars over a baby. I wish they'd hide those cars or fence off a part of the room just for them.

My dd, now 5, was like this, so I stopped going and we just enjoyed ourselves.

She started nursery at 3 and loved it, was ready by then I guess.

She has just started year one after a great year in reception.

Toddler groups are not compulsory. Mind you, in my small town I am still known as "The woman who didn't go to group"

I work with kids and trust me they have days they will sit like little angels and days they wont sit still for circle time,wont be quiet, keep getting up and interupting etc.

It depends on the day, the mood they are in and whether they are interested in the material. Sometimes they just get to excited. They dont realise straight away that they have to sit through things but dont worry about it. I have my own and have worked with loads of kids and the majority go through this in the end.

At least your DD didn't do what my DS did at 2.5 , and walk into the middle of the Bounce and Rhyme Circle, point his arm out and spin round slowly saying 'No, this not right' before running off out of the library. Have never been back to playgroups since.

And he still, at 3, refers to the Active Start coach as 'that lady' and refuses to go outside if she's there (although he will try to carry her back, set the stuff up and help tidy away, oddly).

Can't work out if they find these activities generally annoying, simply in the way of what they want to do, or just a waste of precious parent time, but clearly not all kids like them. because not all kids come out of playgroup recruitment guides....

Hmm thinking back, I remember leaving library rhyme time, gymnastics, toddler music and a toddler group - all because my DD seemed to be the only one who wouldn't join in - would run round the room shouting and showing off (mortifying as I'm really quiet). DD now 5 and in reception - completely different. Makes friends really easily, enjoys the group work and no complaints yet from teacher. I think she just had too much energy to burn and was a bit excitable. Just wanted to play running around games. Soft play, the park or swimming (not lessons), were better for her. Definitely seemed to calm down after a year of pre-school.

Mine does this too. I had put it down to her being at nursery x3 days and it all being a bit too 'organised' for her. She'd much rather be running around outside than any other pastime.

By 'organised', I mean too much like nursery. She's 26 months.

We gave up with library rhyme time. We left after ten minutes. Funny thing is he'll sit with me and loves stories and songs. But... no... DS is definitely a park and playground 2 year old.

Bookshelf, don't feel like shit! My DD also has days at toddler groups where she doesn't feel like sitting and singing when there are so much more interesting things to be looking at (she's also three). At a music specific group she does sit down and sing but there is nothing else going on in the room to distract her, iyswim. At our toddler groups we are quite lucky in that there are other children there who do the same (explore and like to run around outside the circle) so I don't feel so alone.

Shodan has a perfectly valid point and let's face it - they're not doing any harm are they!

I help run a playgroup and can assure you that your DD is perfectly normal! Some sit at music time abnd join in but loads don't. Some play with toys 'nicely' and loads don't. No one should be raising an eyebrow, certainly not those that run it and if a child kept coming to talk to me at my group I would be charmed.

It may be that she is a little old for the group. I don't know how old the others are? Maybe nursery's more structured environment will suit her more but either way they will be used to all types of child. My youngest (2.5)goes to pre-school and they told me last week he was 'strong willed'. I can read between those lines!