'I wish I was dead' is a bit unnerving coming from a 4-5 year old.

[dreamylady]

But how unusual is it? Our DD sometimes (not often) says it - and the other night she said - bizarrely - "I wish I could be killed so I wouldn't have to die"(somewhat nonsensically too but i thought best to keep that to myself )

She's said it in a more teenagerish way maybe 2 or 3 times that I can recall - in the context of "life is so awful I hate being a child everyone tells me what to do all the time"

sorry this is not very lighthearted but i'm just wondering how normal this is and whether people think it's anything to keep an eye on / seek advice about.

anyone fancy sharing on this one?

Its probably relevant to say that I'm her adoptive mum, her first mum died when DD was a baby, so she's lived with the reality of death for as long as she's been self aware.

I wonder where she has heard that? It's probably something someone has said and she's repeating.

Mine are younger but I'd say she's probably pretty stressed out with the new school year etc. Don't pay any heed and just let her talk. :)

My 4 year old DD is pretty obsessed with death and gets very upset at the thought of me and DH dying. She once said "I can't wait to die" and when I asked her why she said "well, I've never died before!". I think sometmes they just realise it has a huge effect and likes to see reactions.

Sorry - meant to say it could obviously be much more complex in the case of your DD due to her history.

@ giddly's DD!

My dd has said similar things along with ocd type behaviours and minor self harming, all of these things combined made us seek help for her. She was 6.
She has been assessed and has anxiety problems, and is getting some support at school to help with her emotions.
My advise would be to keep listening and watching for any other behaviour that causes concern. Like you said, death is a real thing in her life, and she needs to work out what its all about.
good luck

yes maybe its more complex giddly but hard to know isn't it... she's really struggled off and on with separation anxiety too and its so difficult to know where to draw the line between 'normal' and 'because of her history'.
I hate being considered overprotective, I feel a wierd mix of inadequate and self righteous when i feel childcare / teaching professionals / other parents marking me down as a neurotic mum.

thanks for that rainbow - she does have a few behavioural tics but nothing major. for eg, repeated rug/mat straightening and repositioning, and lots of face touching / finger sucking when stressed - but nothing that's overly concerned us to date. We will keep an eye on it.

I think it's quite normal at this age. DD is 4 1/2, and mentions death quite a lot, including talking about killing herself, killing me or DH, asking "what is it like to be dead mummy?" and asking when she will die. Not in any sinister way though - I think it is just because she is becoming aware of the idea of death, and is trying to see how it all fits together.

I don't think it's necessarily a big deal, unless it seems to be particularly distressing your DD, or she is becoming obsessed with it so it's probably best just to let it go - as giddly says once they see a reaction kids just keep pushing the buttons!

Does she do it when stressed?
I' ve just remembered a councellor I once talked to saying it can be a sort of "reflex" reaction for people who've experienced grief or depression in the past. They don't actually mean it but when things are difficult it becomes an automatic response. She was talking about adults, but I wonder whether it's relevant? It sounds a bit strange when I write it like this, but at the time the conversation made a lot of sense. It also doesn't mean that the person isn't in some degree of distress, obviously.

Sorry x-posted with the last couple of posts so just wanted to clarify - I didn't mean to suggest it's unimportant, just that I think at this age it can be a normal part of development.

you're all being so thoughtful, thanks -trying to reassure without sounding dismissive, tricky isn't it! but much appreciated.

that's interesting giddly because yes its always when she's overtired and either anxious or really feeling powerless/frustrated. like i said initially, if she was a teenager i might be less worried in a way because of their propensity for angst - its just a bit unnerving from a 5 year old (I think she was just 3 or 4 the first time she said it, though she's talked about death in a calmer context since she was 2)

I also worry about what other people say to her about her mums death-she told me someone had said her mum would have been glad to die because she was so poorly - i know they meant well but It was so not true, and i wonder what message that gives DD about death. Obviously i put DD (gently) straight but this was someone DD is very close to.

Dreamy my DD's went through a phase of being death obsessed which I think is fairly normal.

I think initially I must have reacted with a bit of shock and now, rarely, to get my attention one of dd's occasionally says "I wish I was dead".

It works everytime but I try to be very cool about it to minimise hearing this. It hasn't happpened for a while now. (Though it did over a period of about 2 years).