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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Please help - unhappy baby who can't be put down.

27 replies

LittleOneMum · 16/09/2010 14:41

Please post if you feel you have any tips or answers for me.
I have a DS (3) and a DD (4 months). I was pretty ill when my DD was born and she was looked after by my Mum for the first few weeks of her life.
Since I started to look after her again, she has had real difficulties being put down by herself during the day. I will try to describe how she is, and please tell me if it seems to you to be (a) normal (b) abnormal and if so what I can do.
Basically if we are out and about in the buggy she is fine. But if I put her on the bed or in her gym or in her chair for more than a few minutes she starts to scream. This makes it really difficult to look after my 3 year old or do anything like even make breakfast etc. It also totally stresses out my toddler, although I have explained that babies do cry and it is normal really.
Once she is picked up and walked around she is fine. I dont think it can be colic at this stage, it doesn't get worse at any stage of the day and isn't she too old?

Thank you so much for your time.

OP posts:

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Cies · 16/09/2010 14:44

My ds was like this. He´s got more content with being put down the older he's got, because he can entertain himself more I think.

Have you got a sling? That could help you free up your hands while still holding him close.

Original poster

LittleOneMum · 16/09/2010 14:47

That's a good thought... Mind you, she is quite a large lady...!

OP posts:

gegs73 · 16/09/2010 14:50

DS2 used to be like this. I do think its completely normal for some babies and I'm sure she will grow out of it pretty soon. Have you tried her with a dummy? This was a godsend for me with DS2, he never found his thumb. He also only had it in the day not at night which was never a problem.

p0mbal · 16/09/2010 14:56

My DS1 was exactly the same, my backside didn't touch a chair for nearly a year. He was in the sling with me walking or being pushed in the buggy nearly the whole time.

I had a difficult birth for him as well as me and I wonder if this is why he was so unsettled. A few people suggested Craniosacral therapy as he was ventouse/forceps but I didn't do it in the end.

Sorry no other suggestions, can't be easy with a toddler.

EldonAve · 16/09/2010 15:01

you could try one of these

nesomja · 16/09/2010 17:26

I'd get a good sling - I still carry my son in our Ergo and he's 26 months! If you get a good one with back support then you can just carry on and once she's a little older you could carry her on your back which is great for getting on with things.

My other thought is that it might be reflux? Our ds hated lying on his back or sitting in his car seat until he was 1, he had reflux and a friend told me it's like they have acute heartburn when in certain positions. Doctors weren't much help though I have to say, my solution was the sling.

Bobby99 · 16/09/2010 19:06

You could try a baby swing - fisherprice do one that was fab with our DD - she would even go to sleep in it. Hope it gets better soon, its very wearing isn't it, but it will pass.

ThatDamnDog · 16/09/2010 19:16

Definitely try a sling. DS was a thumper but a wrap sling provided me with enough back support that I could carry him all day for months. Cannot recommend one enough.

coffeeicing · 16/09/2010 19:22

My ds was like this. Someone once said that some babies just don't like being babies very much, and once they become toddlers they become much happier and therefore easier. I found it a comforting thought - and it was certainly true for me! Sorry it doesn't help you for now though... I did a dummy too (always swore I wouldn't) and it definitely helped.

Igglybuff · 16/09/2010 19:27

Was she like this with your mum?

As it gets a bit cooler, can you pop her in her bouncy chair and wrap a blanket round her so she feel a bit more secure? Also have her so she can see/here you and your DS to distract her. (on the theory that if she's ok in the buggy it might be because she's held in and feels snug).

nesomja also mentioned reflux - my DS had reflux. He was happy in his bouncy chair - but he could be quite upright in it (a baby bjorn balance) and was fine in his playgym, provided we put him on a slope.

Loopymumsy · 16/09/2010 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

LittleOneMum · 16/09/2010 22:00

Oh ladies, thank you so much for your time and your suggestions. It is V reassuring to know that it is normal for some babies and I like the comment that some babies just don't like being babies: she gives me that impression, she is always flipping over, loves to stand up and will probably be much better once she can crawl.
Will check out the sling suggestion.

OP posts:

Loopymumsy · 17/09/2010 06:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

glasscompletelybroken · 17/09/2010 09:08

I know this is a very unpopular idea on here but really if you know that she's not hungry, wet or ill then life does have to go on and you just have to sit them in a bouncy chair where they can still see you and let them cry. My daughter is a farmers wife and has 3 children who are 4,2 & 1. The youngest was a nightmare for 6 months - constantly crying - but my daughter just had so much ekse to do that she did when necessary just let her get on with crying. It is hard to listen to but you have to break this habit as you can't carry a child around in a sling all day it's too restrictive and hard on your back. At 6 months she sudden;y seemed to get the message that all this crying wasn't getting her anywhere and now she's the happiest smiliest baby ever!

ThatDamnDog · 17/09/2010 09:11

"you have to break this habit"

Habit? Some may say this is definitely within normal limits for a very young baby with no other means of communication and a need to be close to a parent.

"you can't carry a child around in a sling all day it's too restrictive and hard on your back"

Er, yes, you can, and no, it's not - if you get the right sling and wear it correctly it's absolutely fine. Very few people, unless they have a genuine musculoskeletal problem to start with, will be unable to find a sling to provide adequate support to their back.

glasscompletelybroken · 17/09/2010 09:57

I stand by what I said - if you always carry a baby around they will always expect it. Same as if you always rock them to sleep. It's not fair on the other child in the family.

Original poster

LittleOneMum · 17/09/2010 10:19

Not sure I agree glass sorry, but I can kind of see that a sling is not always right for everyone. I would not be happy to just let my baby cry for 6 months, not least because the reason why she would stop eventually is because she learned that if she cried, no one would care - that's not a lesson I am prepared to teach my 4 month old.

I think middle ground might be to let her cry for a bit (which is what I do) so as to get her used to being down by herself. In fact this morning she sat in her baby chair by herself for 45 minutes with an old t shirt of mine which smells of me!

OP posts:

ScroobiousPip · 17/09/2010 10:21

Glasscompletelybroken - of course, so all those millions of babies who spend their lives on their mothers backs in Africa never learn to walk or fall asleep by themselves.

LittleOneMum - with the right sling you should be able to carry your DD pretty much all day for as long as she needs it. Needing to be soothed by motion is a natural part of being a baby. As you correctly say, your DD will grow out of it in her own time. In the meantime, a sling will make you mobile and better able to keep both DCs happy.

Loopymumsy · 17/09/2010 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTayto · 17/09/2010 10:26

glass you're not sounding very kind on this thread

sorry, I don't get the relevance of your dd being a farmer's wife - are they busier than women not married to farmers?

OP you can put a baby in a sling on your back - her front to your back, or back to back, whichever she's happier with. Just be carefull sinking into a sofa!

glasscompletelybroken · 17/09/2010 11:52

You are missing the bit where I said she did "when necessary" just let her get on with crying. I haven't suggested that anyone lets their baby cry solidly for 6 months! it's just that sometimes you do have to do other things. And yes in my experience farmers wives are busier than a lot of women - my Son-IL works very hard physically for very long hours and is not available to help in the house. He also expects 3 cooked meals a day! I know that's shocking to a lot of you but actually they are very happy - just also very busy!

And no I have never carried a baby in a sling all day - that's obvious from my feelings about it.
If's it's fine for you then that's fine it's just not for me. I think the OP was saying that she has a problem and wanted some advice. I don't expect everyone to agree with me but I also don't think my opinion is any less valuable than anyone elses on here.
The OP can take or leave any of the advice as she wishes.

ThatDamnDog · 17/09/2010 13:35

Glass, my main issue with you is your assertion that a baby will expect to be carried everywhere always if it spends its early months in its mother's arms. Firstly you've got no evidence to back this up. Secondly it's obviously not true. If you want to test your theory out, try and catch my 3 year old

glasscompletelybroken · 17/09/2010 13:56

Your 3 year old is not a baby though - I didn't say that a baby who was always carried would always expect it their whole lives! I believe that if you always carry a baby in the early months then you will always have to carry a baby for those early months. The ideal is that you can put your baby down in a safe place - such as a bouncy chair - while you bath the toddler or make the dinner. I personally wouldn't recommend starting a regime that meant you couldn't do that. I'm not suggesting that you never pick your baby up or carry your baby around but it's really not extreme to expect to be able to put a baby down - where they can still see/hear you - while you get on with other things.

Latootle · 17/09/2010 15:30

surely if a baby can be OK in the buggy etc it cant be too much to ask why it cant be put down in cot/gym etc. Maybe gym floor is a bit hard so put something softer and more comforting maybe baby is cold and needs a blanket over. But I do agree the more you have constant contact with a baby the harder it is to not have it, as baby expects and demands it. Like those mothers who wont put the baby in its cot as it starts to cry. does that mean you give into a child for the rest of its life because it cries or throws a tantrum!!!!!!!! ????

glasscompletelybroken · 17/09/2010 21:07

Gosh thanks Latootle - thought I was completely on my own there!

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