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Violent jealousy from 5 year old boy to new baby!

6 replies

brendabell · 16/09/2010 12:05

Just wondering whether my 5 year old boy is displaying 'normal' aggressive feelings towards me and his 6 month old little brother or whether I should be seeking professional help?!! i should add that my 5 year old is behaving like an angel at school and outside the family and has no special needs etc. I should also add that in the last 6 months he has lost a much loved grandfather and an uncle so has experienced a lot of change and parents' and his own grieving.

Two weeks ago Big brother tried to give his baby brother a chinese burn while he was on my boob then decided to destroy the sitting room! I just about managed to stay calm throughout the event and afterwards he got some privilages removed after a discussion that his angry feelings were normal but that it was not ok to hurt his brother.

Yesterday I left the two boys alone for a second to return to find big brother kicking his brother in the bottom HARD while he was on the floor. I was REALLY CROSS with him and removed big brother and temporarily put him outside the back door telling him he could come in when he calmed down. He then threw a log outside at the back door and smashed the window, showing no remorse (more like glee in fact!). Once he had calmed down I let him back in and after a discussion about how some of his pocket money would have to go towards repairing the window he told me he didn't love me any more and he was going to kill me and proceeded to return with a kitchen knife and held it over myself and little brother (now on my boob) saying he was going to stab me and his brother to death! (this is a child that only watches CBBC so no reference points here from watching horror films etc).
I talked him down but I was actually really
frightened for a while there!
Help!!!! I make sure I do lots of big brothe r only play sessions while baby sleeps and I've done lots of talking about how his feelings are normal but he must not hurt people (including me!) I feel sure the loss of his grandfather and uncle must be playing in here but am at a loss as to unpick it all.

Should I be calling a child psychologist or is all this normal??!!!!!

OP posts:
UnseenAcademicalMum · 16/09/2010 12:49

Sorry, but I don't think that this level of aggression is normal, no. I would be very wary of leaving the two of them alone together. A hard kick on the bottom could really injure a 6 month old.

Do you get your ds1 to help out looking after your ds2 (getting nappies for you when changing him, choosing clothes for him in the morning etc)? What does your OH think about it?

Again · 16/09/2010 12:59

Instead of thinking of it in terms of 'is this normal?' maybe you should instead look for some help for you all in any case. A child expert might give you all a deeper understanding of the issues and help you to protect the little one also. This must all be very exhausting and worrying for you.

usernamechanged345 · 16/09/2010 13:04

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brendabell · 17/09/2010 16:00

Thank you ladies for all your kind words,

DH is sadly away for 2 weeks (sure that is adding to the mix too!) but by phone we have agreed that if any similar incident occurs again then we will make an appointment with a family therapist and start from there.

Thanks again.

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 17/09/2010 21:10

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zapostrophe · 18/09/2010 11:42

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