My young DC seem to constantly fight! HELP!!!

[Narketta]

DS 4yrs 7mths and DD 2yrs 6mths are driving me mad! They can be so lovely together and play nicely but its always short lived, everything ends in an argument and it can be the smallest thing that sets them off.

Yesterday for instance, DS has just started reception and is just doing mornings this week, so DD and I went to pick him up, they kissed and hugged each other and DS told DD that he had missed her (see what I mean about lovely?). Anyway we got home and I told them I was just going to pop upstairs to get DS a change of clothes so that he could take his uniform off, by the time I was at the top of the stairs it sounded like a war zone downstairs with all the screaming and shouting, by the time I got to them they were getting physical with each other pushing and hitting, and the reason for this argument? because DD had tried to follow me upstairs and DS had tried to stop her.

Every single day is the same they fight like cat and dog and i'm at the end of my tether and its making me sad to see my DC like this. :(

I've tried talking calmly to them and explained that hitting and shouting isn't nice.

I've tried the naughty spot and distraction but nothing seems to work.

Please help!!!!

Hi Narketta, I'm afraid I can't really help but wanted to reassure you that my dd (4yrs 2mnths) and ds (23 mnths) are EXACTLY as you describe...loving and hugging one minute and all hell breaks loose the next. Same situ - dd has just started reception and ds at home with me and, like you say, they hug and kiss at drop off and pick up...but at home they fight over the most trivial things! So, unfortunately, I haven't helped in the slightest, but you are not alone...and hopefully someone will offer some helpful advice soon! Good luck.

Another one here who can't really give you any advice but my 2 are exactly the same.

DS1 is 4.2 and DS2 is 22 mo and they squabble like you would not believe most of the time yet are also obsessed with each other

DS1 has also just started half days at reception and all he asks all afternoon is when are we going to pick DS2 up from nursery (I am usually at work so DS2 goes to nursery)...yet if I picked DS2 up early from nursery, they would just end up fighting all afternoon which is why I feel DS2 is better off at nursery

I do know that DS1 finds it very frustrating that DS2 doesn't follow the 'rules' of his games and there is not a lot I can do about that - so even if they are playing nicely, it is only a matter of seconds before DS2 does something 'wrong' and DS1 either strops off or starts shouting at DS2.

Sorry - no help bu you are not alone!!

Yes exactly ceebee74!!! My poor ds is always being told off (read: shouted at at full volume) by dd.

I'd try not to let it get to you too much and don't interfere unless really necessary (i.e. physical), separate them if necessary, but try not to take sides. It is INFURIATING, but the more you intervene the more it goes on in my experience as they start to vie for attention and try to prove who is right / wrong.

If it's any consolation my brother and I were just like this (he is 15 months older than me and I distinctly remember screaming and yelling at him, biting him and drawing blood, hitting and kicking him etc etc etc - he was older and better at winding me up and I used to lash out in fury, to his credit he didn't tend to hit back! I was punished accordingly but in truth I already knew I shouldn't be doing that - as they probably do too). We utterly and completely adored each other and still do. It was he and I against the world (but we occasionally tried and kill each other while the world was taking a break!). Children fight, try to manage it as calmly as you can and avoid too many lectures - they already know.

Hello, my 4 and 2 year old can be similar. Though dd is pretty patient with him. She tries really hard with the strategies I have taught her, but occasionally ds just drives her mad (can't say I blame her, he was driving ME mad with incessant whinging today).

Best strategy is if he wants something she has, is to LET GO, then find something else - give or say 'WOW ds LOOK at this DINOSAUR' (dd makes me laugh with her fake 'wow!'), now give me xxx, thank you.

Tbh in our case it is usually ds being annoying - he has def started the terrible twos...