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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Has controlled crying worked for you?

21 replies

Fifilottie · 15/09/2010 08:29

Hi all,

My LO is six months old now. After months and months of rocking her to sleep for about half an hour every time she needs a nap it is becoming quite stressful. She has a nap routine and a bedtime routine, she has a blanky/comforter but nothing is working and am starting to think that I might just have to let her cry to sleep...if it works. She is also getting very heavy so it can be quite painful for my weak arms(dare I say)...and an hour of soothing her this way in the middle of the night is quite stressful. Even if she sleeps in my arms while being rocked as soon as I try to put her down she wakes up anyway and I have to start from the beginning again. At the end of my tether really. I don't want to leave her to cry but not sure what else to do. HV has also recommended this but previous to six months she didn't advise it...so enough of the waffle. . . What are your "controlled crying" expereinces..how to do it the best way, and does it really really work????

THanks all

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kitbit · 15/09/2010 08:55

CC wasn't for us. Elizabeth Pantley's approach is more gentle, you might want to have a look at that too since there are more options than just the extremes? Good luck! :o

minxofmancunia · 15/09/2010 09:10

Did "shush pat" from the baby whisperer with dd from birth slept thru at 4.5 months.

Ds settled himself from an early age for daytime naps and bedtime but woke for milk in the middle of the night despite refusing milk all morning. Basically had his day and night reversed a bit re milk. Once he was weaned at about 6.5 months gradually reduced his milk in the night, replaced with water then did 2 nights of cc, gradually increasing the amount of time I left him by 2 minutes each time. so 2 then 4 then 6 etc.etc. took 2 nights and apart from teething/illness (where i obviously wouldn't leave him) he's slept thru ever since (fingers crossed emoticon!!) he's 1 in 2 weeks.

I wouldn't have done it before 6 months or before he was weaned. My view isn't popular on here though, mn is v anti cc be warned!!Some parents are happy to be soothing their toddlers to sleep/giving them milk a drink etc in the middle of the night until they are "ready" I wasn't. I had dd to consider are the functioning of our family as a whole. Also my own mental health, knowing I was going to be woken up every night made my insomnia 10x worse.

TheSugarPlumFairy · 15/09/2010 09:29

Does she sleep well during the day?

I would recommend the shhh/pat method or the pick up/put down method (both from Babywhisper). shhh/pat is for up to 6months. Pick up/put down for 6m +

THe idea is that you sooth the babies distress but as soon as the distress is gone, they are put back into their cot to put themselves to sleep. It gives them the confidence that you will be there when they need you and they can relax and let themselves sleep.

i guess it is a bit of a halfway house between cuddling to sleep and CC.

Original poster

Fifilottie · 15/09/2010 09:35

The daytime is the only problem really. At night the most common situation is that I bf her to sleep(another bad habit) and it is really easy to get her down. JUst recently she has been waking at 3 in the morning and I think it is teething...takes ages to rock her back to sleep then.

She needs rocking to sleep for every daytime nap(plus white noise..another bad habit). Once asleep it take about three or four tries to get her to sleep in her cot. I normally have to wait until she is deeply asleep. She is a typical "unable to self soothe" baby as her naps rarely last longer than 45 mins and she needs a quick nap every two hours or so.

What is shush pat method..apologies for ignorance???

Cheers

OP posts:

minxofmancunia · 15/09/2010 09:41

You creat a low stim environment (quite, low lighting etc.) swaddle (although yours poss too old for that now) cauddle them over your shoulder and rhythmically pat their backs reasonably firmly going "shhh shh" gently until they're asleep.No rocking or any other movement.

Original poster

Fifilottie · 15/09/2010 09:44

I alaways do that but also rock. Could try without rocking but how does this progress so that they can self soothe as surely the shhushing/holding and patting is a form of being soothed in itself. Should they be put down before they are fully asleep(my Lo isn't very good at this, always wakes up)

OP posts:

RaisedFromPerdition · 15/09/2010 09:47

I'd go to the library and get some books out on other methods(Pantley for example). You say you don't want to leave your baby to cry and there are other ways to try.

And try to forget 'bad habits'. They aren't. We all have sleep cues, young or old, good sleeprs or not. Some people like darkness, some a little bit of light, some people like to make sure all cupboards are shut, some like to lie on their stomachs, some like a pillow between their legs and on and on. It's normal, human behaviour. And when you have something that works like feeding to sleep, the danger with taking it away is sometimes that you then have nothing that works.

It's really quite normal for a 6 month old not to sleep through and you sound happy with that really.

Perhaps try some new methods for daytime naps for a while.

minxofmancunia · 15/09/2010 09:51

I thought that too fiflottie but one day I put her in her pram whilst out and before I had a chance to push she dozed off! Then I dared to do it in her cot at bedtime (heart in mouth!) and she did the same.

With ds my second I used to put him down drowsy but awake from v early on, sometimes he'd "shout" a bit maybe a few seconds then settle himself. This was because i didn't have the time to do shush pat as I had dd as well.

Shush pat works but it's still quite labour intensive in the early stages!

navyeyelasH · 15/09/2010 10:44

I think CC is great for 95% of children and I've used it on lots of children (I'm a child minder, used to be a nanny; always with consent of parents!).

But I think 6 months is a too little really. If you can brave it till 8-9 months I think you'd be more likely to have success. In the meantime try pick up put down, good luck!

Original poster

Fifilottie · 15/09/2010 20:43

So I tried CC today. It worked so far and she slept within half an hour for each nap and her naps were for over an hour rather than just 30 mins. Am presuming she has just been having a particularly tired day or something. However, I normally feed her to sleep but tonight when I put her down she woke up. Tried out the CC again checking every ten mintues....She screamed for what seemed like for ever until she finally slept(didn't believe she actually would). It actually took just over an hour. Feel very creul but hopefully it will help her self soothe eventually

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autodidact · 15/09/2010 20:53

Hi fifilottie,
I did controlled crying @9 months and don't regret it at all. It worked very well and even though there have been and will be blips we have not gone back to the horrible days of wake ups every 45 minutes because she knows how to settle herself. Good luck.

dikkertjedap · 15/09/2010 23:10

Never did CC. Always co-slept including b/f to sleep. DD took lead herself when she was older and settles herself to sleep. Some days when tired she actually says 'mommy I think that I go to bed now, I need to sleep', she'll get herself ready, short story and off she is. Maybe we have just been lucky, don't know. She is 4 now.

ready2pop · 15/09/2010 23:28

I did cc with both of mine at about 6 months and can't recommend it enough. I found it very difficult at the time but within a few nights they started sleeping 7 until 7 (a miracle for my dd who had previously never slept for more than 2 hours at a time).

All the books seem to agree that the key is learning to self soothe. CC cuts straight to the chase whereas no cry method, shush/pat etc...are more gentle but take longer to work.

Tortington · 15/09/2010 23:33

if cc means walking out of the room to sit in a corner and contemplate death....YES! it worked frequently

TheSugarPlumFairy · 16/09/2010 08:14

fifilottie the point of shh/pat and pickup/put down is that you soothe their distress and then once they are calm again the shhh/pat or picking up are ended and they are left to self soothe themselves to sleep.

ready2pop is right i think, CC cuts to the chase but all the techniques are attempting to teach the same thing.

Sometimes a dummy can help as well.

Original poster

Fifilottie · 16/09/2010 08:39

THank you all for advice and experiences...am keeping up with CC but shhh her every 5/then 10 mins to calm her...well ideally but for some reason this morning I went to check on her(after 10 mins) and she is asleep. Maybe I just hadn't let her try and self soothe before and just presumed she couldn't.....BUT wont hold my breath...her first nap of the day is always the easiest one..

Thought about controlled dummy use but tried her with one once and she spat it out and cried..neither does she suck her thumb. She has a little blanky that she puts near her nose or across her face if she is feeling distressed...not sure about the safety of this though. I always have to move it for her once asleep....

Anyway cheers all, will keep at it

OP posts:

autodidact · 19/09/2010 00:09

How's it going, fifi?

Theincrediblesulk1 · 19/09/2010 00:18

I did it and came out the other end with a little boy who loves his sleep. Stick at it he was mostly angry not upset when i did it.

Good luck

Latootle · 19/09/2010 17:30

try a dummy

Original poster

Fifilottie · 22/09/2010 14:54

It worked, it works , it works...yes she cries for about two or three minutes and then she just cuddles her blanky and sleeps soundly. I spent months of rocking her for ages and ages for naps/bedtime and cc finally has worked for us. Wish someone told me to do this from day one. I know some out there disagree but it really didn't seem to be too distressing for her. I think really she just wants to work out how to get to sleep and now she can! Am so pleased, hope it continues....don't even need to bother with blurting out white noise in the room(feel a bit better about that) :o

OP posts:

Mull · 22/09/2010 15:55

Thats great! We did CC for our DS at 5mo (didn't realise it isn't advised until 6mo!). It worked brilliantly for his bedtime and we had always previously rocked to sleep. First night took 50mins and was awful. Next night was 15mins, next night 3mins then nothing! Unfortunately it hasn't worked for daytime naps but that's probably cos I'm too much of a wuss to do it properly when I'm home alone in the day. Well done on your success!

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