6 years old and EVERYTHING has to be "perfect"

[Anenome]

My daughter is just 6....she is causing me massive problems with her obsession for perfection in all things. From her art projects meeting her required standards to her socks not being twisted or "uneven" it begins at 7.00am and does not even end when she goes to bed.

Right now she is crying in bed because she is not happy with the way a drawing turned out...I tried to show her ways to "fix" it after I had already tried to convince her that imperfections add to the art but to no avail. She gets truly hysterical over the tiniest thing!

If it is not one thing it is another..her hair does not "feel right" or her shoe has a mark on it...her sister touched her crystal collection and now they are not the same...a stone fell from her favourite brooch and it's RUINED...even if I replace the stone "It will never be the same"

She is bright and happy and sociable. I have tried taking things away from her when she gets uncontrolable...she does not play with toys...she has large collections of small treasures...crystals, seeds, other small things...and God help ANYONE who touches them. She is making my life hard when it already tough...I work from home in the evening and lately I am too tired and wrung out to do anything!

Her teachers are happy...apart from some difficulty getting her to read...if the book does not interest her then she will read it in a silly voice or REALLY slowly...she also does this to me when I get her to read for me. I am worried because she obviously cannot go on like this. Any advice is much appreciated!

Oooh she sounds quite similar to my DS, ( also 6, nearly 7 ) although he has loosened up a fair bit the last 6 months or so.

He is massively fussy about how clothes feel, ie his socks have to be pulled right up, they have to be exactly on straight with the seam on the toe etc etc. Last year, if when he was reading I corrected a word too early, he would start the entire book again, even if we were a page from the end.

He's still massively fussy about writing. If there's a mistake, often he will want to start the whole thing again, instead of crossing or rubbing out.

My friend loaned me a brilliant book that really helped me to understand his sensitive behaviour - link here.

The book has helped me empathise with him, and as he gets older he's more able to control his emotions and adjust his expectations.

oops sorry - linked wrong book!

Its this one - and its the intensity section that really rang true for me.

Very little advice I am afraid - we seem to have your daugther's twin living with us in the form of our DD. My DD is just about to turn 6 and we have exactly the same problems even down to the socks!

Just wanted to say you are not alone!

It is so odd isn't it - one minute DD is her normal happy self then her picture is 'ruined' by the fact that she got a tiny dot of ink on it and she is inconsolable- this morning her school shoes felt funny, her hair wasn't right - not only that I apparently didn't brush it right!

Other days she is fine - I just never quite know what is going to set her off - this has been going on for quite a few months now but I have noticed an improvement recently as DH and I have given her more responsibility for her things and her clothes - we have found giving her more choice and control she freaks out about the other things a lot less - for example we let her sort her uniform and socks and shoes out in the morning and put them all on without any interuption from us and when she puts them on she worries a little less about the straightness of the socks - obviously it means us all getting up a bit earlier but there we go - and it doesn't always work!

Anyway as I say not much help but will watch this thread in hope someone else can come along and help us both

Thanks for the link Taffetacat and beagle 101..I feel a LOT beter knowing it is not abnormal! I do wonder if it is to do with the media in some way? My child only watches cbeebies but they're always seeing photoshopped pics & images of perfection everywhere...maybe I'm being paranoid...but it would be interesting to know if this is a "new" problem or has been going on for years...with other kids this age.

Would just second what beagle says about them taking responsibility for things themselves and you taking a step back - funny how if they put on the socks themselves they don't need to be quite so perfect - why is it?

See if you can get that book from the library - the section on Intensity saved my sanity.

Ds is 6 and very similar re the perfection thing. It currently affects all aspects of his life. I've assumed it is an age thing and he will grow out of it. Fwiw ds is the same whether it is something he does himself or something I do for him. In fact he is probably worse when he does something himself (I don't pander to his perfectionist streak).