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Original poster

Don't know what to do about my nephew

12 replies

chicaguapa · 14/09/2010 19:50

He is 7 and has some behaviour issues and DB & SIL are supposed to be waiting for a referral to CAMHS. Apparently he was assessed by someone as having zero empathy.

At the start of the summer holidays he was caught strangling my mum's dog with his lead. (He has never been kind to animals.) My mum spoke to SIL who decided to buy him a kitten on the way home. Hmm

Fast forward to yesterday and the kitten was found trapped in the fridge! Shock Fortunately it was still alive. Nephew owned up to putting him there.

My mum is distraught and convinced he's going to kill the cat. My dad's worried about my nephew's behaviour. But DB and SIL won't accept there's a problem!

I've posted on here before about some private counselling and someone suggested CAMHS, which I've mentioned above.

His punishment yesterday was to be locked in his bedroom until he admitted it was him. He was there for 4 hours!! So I feel the parents need some help too tbh.

Just looking for some advice really. Feel a bit helpless and maybe that I should be doing more.

Thanks.

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mathanxiety · 14/09/2010 20:01

Sounds bad. Any other things going on like not making eye contact, clumsy/bumping into things and people, not understanding social interaction with other children, rigidity and resistance to change in school -- throwing a fit when the activity changes. Any negative feedback from his school about behaviour with other children or teachers?

Are his verbal skills where they should be? Any academic difficulties? Does he have an issue with bedwetting or any allergies?

The parents sound like dumb clucks, tbh. Four hours is OTT for any child to be locked anywhere. Sounds as if an evaluation of both the child and the family and parenting skills are needed.

thisisyesterday · 14/09/2010 20:01

not sure there is anything you can do though. if the parents won't accept there is a problem then all you can do is hope the camhs appt comes through soon!!!

Original poster
chicaguapa · 14/09/2010 20:31

I've often said I think there's something on the autism spectrum there. DD has Asperger's tendencies and I do see some similarities with his behaviour. Which I've told them. But I guess the school and ed psych would pick that up. There are issues there too but I understand most of those are better now SIL has gone part time and is picking him up.

They have always locked him and his brother in places. Even when they were younger their door handle was taken off so they couldn't get out if they were sent to their room as a punishment. We were all very Shock at the time and still feel uncomfortable about it.

My brother is very approachable but SIL won't accept any kind of interference at all. Ironically DH and I are down as the boys' legal guardians should anything happen to the parents as they feel we share the same values etc.

OP posts:
booyhoo · 14/09/2010 20:35

oh gosh, the parents must be on the las straw if they resorted to locking him away for 4 hours!! that must have been terrible for him.

not sure what you can do, except keep in touch wih DB and encouraging him in the 'right' direction wrt cahms etc.

booyhoo · 14/09/2010 20:37

oh dear just read your last post. they habitually lock their children in their room? it doesn't sound good at all. they need to learn some strategies for dealing with bad behaviour rather than this out of sight out of mind thing they have been doing.

CheckingCheques · 14/09/2010 20:38

omg. Sounds like a terrible situation. No idea about what coiuld be the problem with him - but sounds really worrying.

I wish you all the best of luck...

HansieMom · 14/09/2010 22:12

Please rescue the kitten.

Original poster
chicaguapa · 14/09/2010 22:14

We've tried to rescue the kitten, Dsis has offered to have it. But SIL won't let it go and thinks she is overeacting.

OP posts:
piggybank · 15/09/2010 14:02

Poor boy and poor kitten.

Kittens do go in fridges quite voluntarily and I have closed mine in several times in the past by mistake. Not for very long mind you but maybe he didn't really notice. One of the kittens I had growing up would be in the fridge every single time he had a chance.

Obviously he has a history of not being empathetic or being gentle with animals but I wonder if his parents can be certain he really did it on purpose. He might admit to anything after four hours!

Wishing you the best of luck!!

cory · 15/09/2010 20:43

He may or may not be a naturally violent child. But the way his parents are treating him is bound to exaggerate any tendencies he has that way. Locking a 7yo up for 4 hours to force a confession is abusive and I am sure SS would take a very dim view of that.

Original poster
chicaguapa · 16/09/2010 07:50

I agree cory. I often have issue with how they deal with things.

That's interesting piggyback. I'd wondered how he could get a cat in the fridge. Can't imagine that would be easy!!

OP posts:
shaz298 · 16/09/2010 13:07

Hi,

Poor you to be in this situation. i think you already do know that your brother's family really needs support.

The locking of the boys in their rooms is a child protection issue I'm afraid. Is there anyway you could have a chat with their health visitor??

really difficult position for you to be in and to be able to do anything about. However ask yourself how you would feel if something terrible happened to one of the boys and you didn't do anything about it.

Sharon
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