The way we talk to other people’s children

[InWithTheITCrowd]

Just got a question:
I have one DS who is 12 months old. I came to motherhood later on, and have no friends/family in my circle with babies, so although we do lots of things, I don?t know what?s the ?norm? in many ways, so am interested in posting just to get other people?s perspectives

I took DS to a soft play centre yesterday. While we were getting ready to go, I was watching a couple of children in the ball pool - all aged under 5. There was a little boy and girl (who didn?t know each other) who were messing about - a bit of shoving and pushing, but nothing particularly aggressive. The girl pushed the boy, and then the boy threw a couple of the soft balls at the girl. It didn?t hurt her, but she left the ball pool and went over to her Mum who was sitting quite a way away and hadn?t seen any of it. The next minute, the little girl?s Mum walked up to the ball pool, and told the little boy off. She was very stern and angry with him and said ?You are a very naughty boy, to hit other people. It?s not very nice and you are not to do it again. If (little girl) comes and tells me that you are hitting her again, I will be very very cross with you, and I will tell your Mummy. You wouldn?t like me to tell your Mummy would you? Well stop it and be a nice boy from now on?
She then left, with the little girl behind her who was laughing, and the little boy went really red (there were 3 other children in the ball pool all listening) and then burst into tears and ran to find his Mum.

Obviously no real harm was done - nobody was hurt and although the little boy was upset, I?m sure he will be just fine. I was just a bit surprised, tbh, and thought that if anyone had spoken to my DS like that (obviously when he?s older) I would be quite annoyed - particularly as she didn?t know the backstory and it was very definitely 6 of one and half a dozen of the other.
IMO I would have thought it would have been better to have spoken to them both, and said ?Come on now, play nicely - I don?t want to hear any more stories of hitting? and then just watch them for a bit?
Or am I hopelessly naïve and this is commonplace?

I?d be really interested in hearing people?s take on it
Thanks

I wouldn't speak to another child like that, particularly without witnessing the incident.

One time I was at a soft play area and my DS went and stood in front of a girl a bit smaller than him. He didn't do anything but just stood in her way. I held back for a minute but then her older sister (I assume) came up and pushed DS, then an older boy came and stood there and the 3 of them were all stood around my DS, preventing him from going anywhere and were all really close to him and glaring down at him. It was horrible and it really was like a gang of bullies in the playground.

I went over, took DS's hand and told the older girl very firmly not to push DS and I walked off. I have no idea where the parent was and I wouldn't have cared if they had seen me. I did tell DS not to stand in peoples way but I did point out that the other children were not being very nice.

I would have reacted to your situation in the same way you would have done.

Thanks for replying - I know that soon(ish) I may find myself in the position of talking to other children (or indeed having my little DS spoken to by other parents) and just wanted a heads-up on the etiquette!
I very much thought that she was in the wrong, but equally don?t want to come over as precious.
Minefield, isn?t it?

Yes it is! I wouldn't be happy to hear someone talk to my DS like that either. I would rather they spoke to me about it so I can deal with my child. If it wasn't witnessed though, I wouldn't say too much as, like you said its six of one and half a dozen of the other.

Cowbag! I'd be cross TBH. If she had seen him hitting her daughter or in some way hurting her it might have been warranted, but she didn't.

I have no problem with other adults admonishing my child but only when it is needed.

No, that's not the norm. Even if she had seen it (worse that she hadn't) you may just say something lie "Let's all be nice to each other and play nicely shall we?". I would never approach a child I did not know, it can lead to nasty confrontation in front of the kids if the other parent is a bit 'funny' about it. However, I have noticed other parents feel they have the right to talk to little boys like this ... I bet she wouldn't have said the same to a little girl I would have probably spoke up and told her they were both at it .... then watched that smug face