Anyone have words of advice on starting over in a new city with little ones? My DDs are aged 5 1/2 and 2 3/4. We moved from a large suburban house to a very small urban one, mostly to reduce my long commute so I could spend more time with them and improve the old work/life balance.
DD1 has adapted to new school with aplomb, with the mild anxiety you'd expect for joining a new class, but already has a new friend which helps immensely. On the other hand, she speaks very often of our old house and cries, asking when we will go back. She left behind her dearest friend, with whom we'd be happy to stay in touch but the girl's parents are not keen to do so, which is tricky to try to explain to her.
DD2 was always the more easygoing of the two, but she has had a major wobble. Despite being pretty articulate for a 2 year old she has suddenly developed bloodcurdling tantrums, usually when any member of the family tries to do something (visit the loo, go upstairs, etc.) or alternatively when having to sit in a high chair, car seat or airplane seat. This is new and has been going on for weeks in a way that has been traumatic for all of us. She had always been happy at nursery in our old town, and went 2 full days and 2 part, with afternoons and one day with her daddy or an occasional babysitter. Now this formerly independent and happy child clings to us at every turn and becomes distraught if one parent goes out to the local shop for a carton of milk. She insists on taking her older sister into school, which adds an extra 30 minutes onto the morning routing given London traffic. If we don't all troop around together, the poor thing is inconsolable. We hired an afternoon babysitter and she screamed the woman out of town, it only got worse with each passing day (needless to say we sacked her after 3 days and my husband is postponing returning to work). So, we're trying to listen to her needs, slowing down and pulling back, and doing very little other than trying to gently establish new routines. But everyone's nerves are fraying.
So what's my question? Is it always this hard? Do I accommodate my newly-demanding toddler's desire to have everyone with her at all times, or risk the traumatic tantrums? Is it helpful if we speak by phone during the day while I am at work? Have I miscalculated the distress involved in moving to a smaller, much less nice house in my desire to be with them more? Maybe they were happier the way they were? How do I deal with DD1's faraway best friend given the parents are not interested in staying in touch and live 2 1/2 hours away (have never invited us for a cup of tea). I'm upset, behind in my work and have a critical new boss who doesn't understand, and DH even more distressed and upset, leading to recriminations about why we moved and left a life that was easier--for everyone but me I guess. Advice and support much appreciated!