Help! Sick of being hurt by my 3 yo. How do I stop this behaviour?

[elvislives]

DD is 3 1/2. She finds it funny to bite (hard enough to bruise/ leave teethmarks), pinch, poke, scratch, pull hair. We are struggling to get her to stop. I've told her it hurts, ignored her, put her straight down and walked off, shouted... all that happens now is she laughs and spits in our face

She is our fifth but our others are adults. When they were little we smacked, and both DH and I were smacked as children. We don't know any other way of disciplining but realise that now most parents don't smack, so had made a conscious decision not to.

It has backfired on us because she is turning into a little brat :( I really don't remember the others being this violent (though I expect they were to each other). I did smack her for the first time last week when she hit me round the face with a packet of biscuits and the shock of it stopped her completely.

So far it's only me & DH that get attacked and there are no young siblings to worry about, but she goes to school next year and this behaviour is totally unacceptable.

Any tips please?

Not a nice situation, but don't resort to smacking.

You need to establish some clear boundaries and some non-violent responses to when your DD crosses those lines.

Don't know if I can offer advice, but I can certainly relate.

I'm often posting on here about my DD, who at times is an absolute nightmare to deal with. Hitting, biting, pushing, everything really. It's so hard and I have to say sometimes I feel I just can't cope anymore.

I know it's an incredibly tabboo subject, but i'm with you on the smacking. In the sense that you have made a concious decision not to , but wonder if you had would she be behaving differently.

I have never smacked DD and I think overall it has to make sense. Do I think her behaviour would have been better if we did.................yes, I think it would have been, but in the long run it's just a short cut to a life with confusion and double standards.

Stick to your original plan. Keep going. Be as emotionally strong as you can be, for the sake of your sanity.

How is she at pre school?

At nursery she's known for being very strong-willed but (luckily) they've only seen the spitting, which they dealt with by banishing her to another room.

Not smacking may be better in theory but in practice how do I get across to her that it isn't OK to hurt?

I had hoped that someone with some good ideas would have come on. A friend gave me an old copy of a book called 'Toddler Taming' which had some really helpful tips.
One bit I do remember was the author saying something along the lines of '10% of children are easy, 40% are reasonably easy, 40% are challenging, but with competent parenting will do well and 10% will put even the most skilled and patient parents to the test'
I think I've been blessed with one at the easier end of the spectrum.
However, we still have to teach her about discipline and appropriate behaviour. I try and keep consistent with my requirements from her, stay calm, and if I do have a word with her, bend down and make eye contact but no finger wagging. So far, that has mostly worked for me, but I don't think our kids are cut from quite the same cloth, so you'll probably read that and think 'as if'

If my ds hits me (it's generally only been when he is v tired and is not thinking straight) I have crouched down to his level and said in a firm voice that he must not do it and he must never hit or hurt other people. I have then taken him to his room and shut the stair gate (he has a younger sibling) and explained I am leaving him there to calm down and for some time out.

I sat on the stairs and waited for him to calm down and then kept asking him if he understood why he was having some time out. After a couple of minutes when he had acknowledged it we had a cuddle and said sorry.

On other occasions I just withhold attention and leave the room. Its very hard not to shout at them but I think this works better than getting into a screaming match.

I do think they tend to be worst with their mums than anywhere else though < hopeful emoticon>

Today she has pinched and kicked at nursery :( (Spoke too soon there). They Had Words with her and made her apologise. I think I might ask them what they suggest.

Have you tried time out/reward charts/loads of positive praise??
2 and 3 years olds are sooooooooooo hard work!