Any other bad sleeping parents of bad sleepers out there?

[bondgirl77]

I'm not sure whether there is even an answer to this problem as I have tried so many different 'methods' of getting my DS to sleep through the night. He has never been a good sleeper but even now at age 2.10 he rarely sleeps through. I'm feeling more desperate than usual as last night I got up to him about 4 times between 3.30 and 5.30. He sometimes wakes and has a mini tantrum almost, which I have come to realise is associated with wind. Also possibly a full bladder, but if I try and put him on the potty during the night he goes into a full-blown tantrum, twisting and kicking. He is also an early waker. Because he doesn't wear a nappy I always need to go and check he hasn't wet the bed when he wakes, and sometimes am so tired myself I take the path of least resistance, sometimes laying down with him or next to his bed on the floor and going off to sleep myself! Since I have a tendency to insomnia I'm often awake for quite a while even if I get him back off to sleep. Perhaps he has just inherited my inability to sleep well. Has anyone had a bad sleeper improve, or are they just like this? Sigh...

You're not alone. My dd (2.2) is driving me insane at the moment. She will not go to bed and once she is asleep she gets up 2 or 3 times a night. I'm existing on about 5 broken hours sleep at the moment and at my wits end. She's never been great but this is a serious low. She finally fell asleep about 5 minutes ago after 4 wees, a drink, asking me to stroke her head, waking up her brother twice and me leading her back to bed about 20 times. The worst thing is that my ds started reception this week and is exhausted at bed time and is then bothered by her coming in his bed or screaming and keeping him awake.

I'm trying to be strict at night and take her back to her bed every time she wakes but my mum is staying with us so she just goes into her and mum lets her stay there.. there's no consistency.

Sorry I can't offer help but I just wanted you to know you're not the only one. If you come up with a technique, let me know!!

my son is the same age and has always been a rubbish sleeper and early riser. Compared to his sister who slept thru from 14wks, it took him a year!
However after him finally sleeping thru the night but still getting up very early, he started to wake up in the night again.
So I cut his nap down to 30mins dead. Its worked straight away. He settles well and has started to stir 7.30am rather than 6am or earlier.
See if that works.

Interesting thought. My DD is younger, only 13 months, and has been an awful sleeper since 4 months. She seems to really struggle to sleep, even when she wants to, with loads of tossing and turning and staring eyes. We can't co-sleep because of this! I also find it hard to sleep and can never get comfortable. Was hoping it'd improve before age 2 though!!

Hi, Just wanted to add my deepest and heartfelt sympathies as i was where you all are and know exactly what you are saying.

my boy eventually slept through a complete night when he was 4 and about to start school.

I tried every thing in the book and not just for a night or two i stuck to different methods for weeks on end, all to no avail.

Finally i just accepted that he was a bad sleeper and did what i needed to do to.... well, survive a normal life really.

Like some one described, i survived on about 5 hours broken sleep every night till the time he finally began to sleep through.
He woke before 5am and was up for the day.
He had aprox 1 hour in the day
health visitor asked me to do a sleep diary, 1st night he was up 15 times, 2nd 18 times, 3rd 15 times, i stopped then because i seriously wanted to run away. She said she couldnt help me.
I had no one to help me, we took it in turns dh & me every night. we both had to go to work. I was forgetful, dizzy, ratty, depressed and physically exhausted down to the depths of my bones.daily and nightly.
i used to cry as it got dark becuase i knew what was to come, i used to cry as i made my bed in the morning as i knew that i would not get back into it properly until God knew when.
I would be driving along and not knowing where i was going as i couldnt remember why i was in the car. i got to the supermarket in my slippers one day, i just forgot to put on my shoes.
No one understood, so i didnt tell any one any more..."does he sleep?" i was asked "yes" i just said.

It started slowely, the periods in between him waking grew longer then he just did it.

I want to tell you some stuff. If some one had said any of these things to me i would have thumped them, but they are all true.
It wont be for much longer
they do eventually get there
you will get the sleep you need and more soon
My boy is 7 mow, still up before 7am every morning, still a reluctant sleeper, occasionally comes for snuggles in our bed, but from aged 5....at school, i got my life back.

The sunshine on my horizon in those dark dark days was my best friend, her child same age didnt sleep either. She would txt me at 2am.."you up?" it always made me smile to know that someone was out there understanding.

My DS2 was having real problems sleeping through because he would wake in pain. It turns out that his digestive system wasn't able to cope with rice. It would swell up as it went through the system and cause him a lot of discomfort/wind. A week after we eliminated it completely the screaming in pain stopped. This might not help with all of the sleep problems but perhaps it might help with some of the wind?

Hi everyone thanks for your replies! haven't had a chance to check this all weekend. Another bad night last night and chitchat it is sweetcorn for my DS. I forgot yesterday and gave it to him for tea, it seriously does not agree with him. digestive pain is definitely the source of a lot of the worst waking and he does tend to wolf his food too. I am going to start trying to give him his main meal at lunchtime when he is with me, and a lighter meal at night and see if that helps. Though I always worry about whether it will keep his tummy full enough not to wake hungry at night.

AuntyJ you are probably right, he is really close to dropping the nap I think. Have tried keeping him up both days this weekend, but until he drops it at nursery (part of their routine) I think we'll be stuck int he same boat.

laloony thanks so much for taking the time to share some advice. it sounds as if you have been through a hellish experience! It's so unfair isn't it, you think after newborn waking up through the night is done with, only for it to return later on and in your case for years to come. I'm glad to hear you are getting some better sleep now. I guess school just wears them out!!

Well, good luck to all bad sleepers out there! I think sleep deprivation is the worst thing about parenthood.

The food thing might be more relevant than you think here. My DS2 was a terrible sleeper and used to get tummy cramps in the night as a baby/toddler - we had no idea but turned out he was dairy intolerant. His worst nights were after eating something with whey powder in, perhaps because it's concentrated milk.

But even without the dairy, he still struggled to sleep through and we thought that was due to such a habit of waking with tummy ache that even without the tummy ache, he just couldn't settle himself off to sleep.

DS2 gradually got better once we understood what foods upset his tummy, and was then even better after starting school.

However he is now in our bed, having cried tonight going to sleep - he's nearly 6 - and he'll still be up one night a week - but that must sound like bliss from your position! Hang in there, it will improve.

My DD1 was also a horrendous sleeper, despite me following every sleep guide on teh market. The worst of it was when she was 2, then she'd wake up between 5 and 20 times every night. I had to sing her to sleep and then crawl out of her room, because if she woke up she'd have a massive tantrum. This continued more or less until she was 4 years old, then it just calmed down. After a while you're so tired you're willing to try anything aren't you? And people are so judgemental about it. I just wanted to reiterate what others have said: it happens, it is awful, but it will go away. Keep the faith!
If there's anything to try to do, it's to teach them to fall asleep. My DD1 does sleep much better now, but if ever she has trouble falling asleep, she gets up, because she struggles with this skill.

I felt like crying, reading laloony's post, especially the bit about

...I had no one to help me, we took it in turns dh & me every night. we both had to go to work. I was forgetful, dizzy, ratty, depressed and physically exhausted down to the depths of my bones.daily and nightly. I used to cry as it got dark becuase i knew what was to come, i used to cry as i made my bed in the morning as i knew that i would not get back into it properly until God knew when...

That describes my life for the first three years of DS's existence so clearly. I crashed my car three times. How I kept my job is beyond me, and I am still dealing with the consequences of how below-par I was as a worker over that time.

My DS is four and a half now. Since he was three I have been dealing with DD's poor sleep instead and DH has taken on DS. He sleeps through the night about once a week. If he does wake up, it is just the once.

I was a terrible sleeper as a child. The only useful thing I can bring to the situation is the memory that I really did not recognise or understand how it felt to be tired. I would be angry, uncoordinated, confused, but I had no concept that these things meant "tired", or that they were best remedied by going to sleep!

I always promised myself that I wouldn't blame DS for not being able to sleep, as my parents are still mad at me (and I'm nearly 40).