separation anxiety with 2 1/2 year old. Any suggestions?

[dingledangle]

My 2 1/2 year old son started preschool this week and is going for 2 morning sessions. The first session I took him late and stayed for an hour. He then stayed alone for an hour and when I collected him was told he had been upset as soon as he saw me he started to cry.

The second session 3 days later I took him at the start and stayed with him for an hour and then left. He shouted and cried and then I was called within half an hour to come and collect him as they were concerned that he left the session wanting to return.

Both time he told me before hand that he did not want me to leave. He has very good verbal skills and so can talk in quite an expressive and detailed way about what he does and does not want. Already he has told me that on Monday he does not want me to leave. I have been trying to prepare him for it and has become very upset and subdued about it.

Any suggestions and advice would be greatly received. He does not need to go but really enjoys playing when he gets there (as long as I am right next to him). I am wondering whether he is just not ready. I think it is separation anxiety from me and if I were to stay with him every time he would be fine.
My worry is if I stop taking him this time in favour of a few months time we will go through this all again.
Thanks in advance

Having exactly the same problem with my nearly 2 1/2 year old. He begs me not to leave him, says, we're not going to that nursery mummy, no, and cries and cries when I leave. Heartbreaking really but the advice seems to be to persevere if you are happy with the nursery, which I am. Still not sure I am doing the right thing though. Part of me thinks that separation anxiety peaks at this age and to wait a bit longer until he can understand it better; another part thinks get them used to it whilst he is young. He always seems to be having a great time when I collect him. If your son seems to enjoy it then I would persevere. It's only two mornings a week after all. I think they all object to being left!

I think this is perfectly normal when they start at preschool and it's the first time they have been left. I think they worry that you won't come back. Like Gangle my DS cries desperately when I drop him off (and worse this week as we were away on holiday last week and he has moved up a room this week). And this is at a nursery he has attended for 18 months now! He has a lovely time the rest of the day and eats and sleeps there fine, it is just the initial problem with separation. You will probably find he will get used to it after a few weeks. Could he take a familiar toy with him? Could you draw him out a little picture 'timeline' chart i.e. we have our breakfast, we go to nursery, you play with toys/read books/draw etc, have a biscuit/lunch or whatever he does, then mummy comes to collect you - in pictures so he can look at it and refer to it and knows when you are coming. Having said that I have the child that always cries, but I don't think mine is going to change unfortunately! Gangle it is good to hear I'm not the only one.

Thanks for the replies so far. It is early days but I am wondering whether he will ever settle. I have only be able to leave for an hour at most and he was very upset when he saw me again.

It seems very traumatic for him.

If I were in your situation and this was entirely optional and he was telling me he didn't want to go and didn't want me to leave I would stop bringing him.

My DD is this age. They can seem so grown up sometimes, but really they're tiny.

If it seems traumatic, what is the point? He probably will get used to it, but if you can just as easily not take him and do stuff with him that doesn't upset him, why not do that?

If he likes the playing, but with the security of knowing that you're nearby, he'd probably like a good mother & toddler group. Do you go to any? I find them brilliant for DD. I barely see her from start to finish, but I think it matters a lot to her that I'm there somewhere.

I have just stayed with him for half an hour this morning before leaving and will be returning to collect him within the hour.

I was wondering if other have any experience or tips?

thanks in advance

My grandson is the same age. He's always been a confident and outgoing boy. Dashes into the centre of action at all the groups he goes to with his mum. He's been happy to stay overnight without his parents since he was a baby. He started very happily at pre-school 2 mornings a week. But now cries when left. Even started crying in the car, when he recognises where he's going. It's heartbreaking and we don't know whether to continue or not. Help

I went through this and just stayed with my child for the first 2 weeks. I stayed with him for a bit then then popped off to the shops to get him a treat the following few weeks. The just popping off made it sound like it was for a shorter time and he liked the treat after.

I would persevere. My DD is so clingy and used to get so upset when I took her to nursery. I used to have to just go in and say bye mummy's going to the loo or something and then just leave.

It's heartbreaking but they do get better.

And the nursery said its perfectly normal for them to cry when you pick them up. They will have been having fun while you've been gone, but turn the tears on as soon as they see you to make you feel guilty. Keep taking your DS, OP it does get better. I guarantee he'll be having a whale of a time :)

I would also persevere. I actually found with my DD that hanging around on dropping her off was the worst thing to do and made me leaving much more traumatic. After the first couple of weeks I started just taking her in, depositing her with her key worker and leaving. I think the anticipaion of me leaving was much worse than me actually leaving, so hanging around for half an hour whilst she sobbed into my leg was making the whole thing much more stressful!