Comprehension in 3yr old

[Holly02]

Hi it's me again probably being paranoid about my ds (again), but unfortunately he's my only one and I have nothing to compare him to!! Would appreciate the thoughts of other more experienced mums.

The problem is that I'm not sure how much a three year old should comprehend. What I mean is that my ds (just turned 3 a couple of weeks ago) is either very determined to do his own thing, or is still too young to really understand what's going on sometimes. For example, I took him to his 4 year old cousin's birthday party at McDonald's this morning. He was the youngest child there and the only boy - all the others were 4 yr old girls. He was fine initially while all the kids were sitting at the table eating, and then they all went to the playground - no problems. When they came back downstairs, McDonalds had organised some party games for them. In the first one, the kids had to pick up as many straws off the floor as they could while the music was on, and when the music went off, whoever had the most straws was the winner. So all the little girls gathered up their straws like they were supposed to, meanwhile ds was picking them up and throwing them all around the room. I thought he may have copied what the girls were doing, but he didn't. Then they played a game where they had to dance until the music stopped, and then sit down on the floor - ds didn't grasp this either and simply wandered off after a while. My SIL asked me whether he had done this kind of thing before and I said he hadn't, & I felt as though she was wondering why he wasn't doing what all the other kids were doing. Then while all the other kids were sitting down eating their cake, ds spent the whole time trying to get out of the room so he could go and join another child's party in the next room. When I tried to explain that it was a different party and that he couldn't join the other kids, he threw a wobbly. About five minutes after this he kept trying to run off, but I didn't want him wandering around on his own because there was a busy road just outside, and knowing ds he would probably head straight for the exit if he could find one. It seems no matter how much I tell him, he doesn't listen to me and keeps trying to take off on his own. Anyway I have to say I was quite relieved when it was time to leave.

Developmentally he seems fine in most other ways and he has always been very aware of his surroundings. But I am just wondering about this tendency he has to do his own thing - is he still too young to understand these games or could it even just be the fact that he is a boy?!! I don't know... I probably wouldn't have been overly concerned if my SIL hadn't asked me about it. What do others think? Thanks...

Does he want to do his own thing at home?

Was this his first experience of oarty games?

Does he socialise with others his age?

Playgroup/nursery/SAHM?

All of these make a difference to his understanding.

Mummysurfer he goes to two playgroups a week where he plays with other children his age. I also leave him at a creche when I do my shopping, so he is used to being around other children, although this was his first real experience with party games.

At home he more or less does his own thing, except when dh or I are playing with him or reading to him. He plays with his toys a lot and likes watching videos, seems to have a reasonably good imagination. He really enjoys the company of other children and seems to interact well with them most of the time.

He sounds entirely normal to me. After all, why can't he go to another party if he can go to this one (presumably also full of strange children). I think children of this age do have limited conmprehension but also have a refreshingly direct way of going about their business - if they want to do it they will, and if they don't, they won't.

I meant to add that it's usually out in public that ds likes to wander off and explore, like a restaurant or shopping centre, that kind of thing.

Mum also mentioned to me that they have 'storytime' at her playgroup, where all the kids sit down and listen to a story. But my ds is one of the minority who would rather go off and play than listen to the story!!! Apparently he rarely sits down to listen. I thought perhaps he either doesn't really understand what's being said, or is too distracted by the other toys or objects.

Yes I reckom he's just a normal little boy reacting to party agmes for the first time. If you're worried about him joining in at the next party play "parties" at home. My 2 ages 7&4, do this with teddies.

Have fun

He is just a normal child - I really would not worry, my DD is really bright and has always been clever for her age but as she hit 3 (a few weeks ago too) she just decuded that she should be able to do other things and not what everyone else was doing - she also won't join in games - she looks at kids all dancing together like they are in some kind of cult.

Please do not worry. x

Holly - your ds sounds EXACTLY like mine, except mine is 2. When we go places, he is constantly opening doors and rushing off to find things. At M & T, he pushes a trike or push-along toy round and round instead of riding them. When he goes to places with other children, he enjoys being with them, but doesn't interact as such (I know that this is normal at his age).

He never listens to what we tell him, although I know that he understands me totally. It gets very frustrating. We have even considered that he may have ADHD, although obviously we need to look into this more. He is never still for more than 30 seconds, and we NEVER get to the end of a book before it is flung on the floor for a new one.

He is very behind in talking, but very advanced in his understanding of things. I try to get him out every day to wear some of his energy out!

I suppose that I am saying that I think that his energy stems from intelligence, and the desire to find out as much as he can about the world around him. Perhaps yours is the same?

Chinchilla my ds didn't really start talking until around 2 1/2, but then it all started to come out very quickly, so yours may be the same. My ds was the same as yours at 2, rushing around, looking at everything, touching everything, couldn't concentrate on a book, and when we went out in public, he wanted to run off into the wild blue yonder.

I have noticed a big improvement since the age of 2, but he still gets quite single-minded and doesn't seem at all concerned about leaving my side, wherever we are. His understanding has always been quite strong although I am starting to feel that this is selective - when I give him a lecture about something he has done, he gets a blank expression on his face and I'm sure it just goes in one ear and out the other. Like you I was concerned about ADHD at one stage but his nature is quite easy-going, and he is able to keep still a lot longer now.

Anyway I'm sure that your ds will take more interest in books as he gets older and will be able to sit still for longer periods - ds will now sit down with me while I read a book to him, and he examines the pictures closely as if taking in the whole story. Of course he still has to be in the right mood though.

Holly02, when my ds was just 3 I left him at a playgroup for the first time. It wasn't a party but he was still expected to sit still sometimes, play nicely and conform in other ways. He didn't for ages and I really worried about it and asked the supervisor if she thought he was normal, she said he was. I think your ds is too young to necessarily 'get' organised games or to understand about the next room etc - he sounds like a normal 3yo boy to me. Bet SIL has forgotten what that age is like. My ds didn't want to sit still at storytime for ages either. He's now nearly 6, at school and sits and listens perfectly well when asked so it was all perfectly normal 3 yo behaviour. HTH.

Agree with everyone Holly ... my DS is 3.8 now and he is only just beginning to get to grips with things like party games but doesn't like taking part. In fact today we are going to a little girl's 5th birthday party and TBH I am not holding out much hope that he will 'conform'.
I think it is normal ... and it may also be a 'boy' thing (please, mums of girls please shout if you disagree).
Funnily enough ... DH and I were discussing last night how much easier life seemed to be when DS was 2 .... we didn't really get the terrible 2s ... we now have the Thoroughly Stressful 3s! DS is testing our boundaries at every single opportunity and the only way we get round it when we are in public is to take him away from the situation and take him home ... well actually, we have never needed to do that yet as the threat is enough for him to think about what he is doing... but I am well prepared to carry out the threat if necessary!!

I do have to say that he LOVES books, only that he likes to look at them himself. If you read to him, he loses interest!

My ds is happy to leave my side too! He just checks occasionally that I am still in the room. It is so sweet when he can't see me (because I may have moved), but I can see him. He looks all concerned, and then when I catch his attention, his face lights up in a big smile...ahhhh.

boys...

Holly, as lots of others have said he just sounds like a normal 3yo boy to me. In my experience girls 'get' party games much quicker and like playing them more. Boys tend to do a game as long as they can see something in it for themselves then bugger off to do something more interesting - including joining other parties if they look like more fun (ie they have boys in them not just girls). Case in point today at a party playing pass the parcel. All the girls sat nicely to the end to see who won, boys went off to play after they got their sweets from their layer of the parcel, and the age range was 2-5 year olds.

And lets face it your DS is only 3, why should he (in his view) have to sit and conform when he can do more fun stuff? How many years will he have to rigidly conform whilst he is at School and work - some independence of spirit now will give him life and spirit later on when the pressure is on to do as everyone else does.

My DS, who is now 4, conforms when it suits him and then goes off to do his own thing when it doesn't - and that is a perfectly normal thing to do. He will concentrate for HOURS on something that interests him (like the telly for example ) and wander away from something that doesn't (things at nursery that he feels are babyish or too 'girly' for his liking).

It is difficult to shake off your fears when someone has planted them there, especially if you only have the one child. But I think you know in your own mind that he is is fine, and he sounds fine to me if that holds any weight, so trust your own judgement, and don't take others throwaway comments to heart (easier said than done I know!!).

HTH xxx

ps just a thought but does your SIL have any boys herself, if she doesn't then she won't really know what to expect of a 3yo boy anyway.....

Holly, as lots of others have said he just sounds like a normal 3yo boy to me. In my experience girls 'get' party games much quicker and like playing them more. Boys tend to do a game as long as they can see something in it for themselves then bugger off to do something more interesting - including joining other parties if they look like more fun (ie they have boys in them not just girls). Case in point today at a party playing pass the parcel. All the girls sat nicely to the end to see who won, boys went off to play after they got their sweets from their layer of the parcel, and the age range was 2-5 year olds.

And lets face it your DS is only 3, why should he (in his view) have to sit and conform when he can do more fun stuff? How many years will he have to rigidly conform whilst he is at School and work - some independence of spirit now will give him life and spirit later on when the pressure is on to do as everyone else does.

My DS, who is now 4, conforms when it suits him and then goes off to do his own thing when it doesn't - and that is a perfectly normal thing to do. He will concentrate for HOURS on something that interests him (like the telly for example ) and wander away from something that doesn't (things at nursery that he feels are babyish or too 'girly' for his liking).

It is difficult to shake off your fears when someone has planted them there, especially if you only have the one child. But I think you know in your own mind that he is is fine, and he sounds fine to me if that holds any weight, so trust your own judgement, and don't take others throwaway comments to heart (easier said than done I know!!).

HTH xxx

ps just a thought but does your SIL have any boys herself, if she doesn't then she won't really know what to expect of a 3yo boy anyway.....

Holly, as lots of others have said he just sounds like a normal 3yo boy to me. In my experience girls 'get' party games much quicker and like playing them more. Boys tend to do a game as long as they can see something in it for themselves then bugger off to do something more interesting - including joining other parties if they look like more fun (ie they have boys in them not just girls). Case in point today at a party playing pass the parcel. All the girls sat nicely to the end to see who won, boys went off to play after they got their sweets from their layer of the parcel, and the age range was 2-5 year olds.

And lets face it your DS is only 3, why should he (in his view) have to sit and conform when he can do more fun stuff? How many years will he have to rigidly conform whilst he is at School and work - some independence of spirit now will give him life and spirit later on when the pressure is on to do as everyone else does.

My DS, who is now 4, conforms when it suits him and then goes off to do his own thing when it doesn't - and that is a perfectly normal thing to do. He will concentrate for HOURS on something that interests him (like the telly for example ) and wander away from something that doesn't (things at nursery that he feels are babyish or too 'girly' for his liking).

It is difficult to shake off your fears when someone has planted them there, especially if you only have the one child. But I think you know in your own mind that he is is fine, and he sounds fine to me if that holds any weight, so trust your own judgement, and don't take others throwaway comments to heart (easier said than done I know!!).

HTH xxx

ps just a thought but does your SIL have any boys herself, if she doesn't then she won't really know what to expect of a 3yo boy anyway.....

Holly, as lots of others have said he just sounds like a normal 3yo boy to me. In my experience girls 'get' party games much quicker and like playing them more. Boys tend to do a game as long as they can see something in it for themselves then bugger off to do something more interesting - including joining other parties if they look like more fun (ie they have boys in them not just girls). Case in point today at a party playing pass the parcel. All the girls sat nicely to the end to see who won, boys went off to play after they got their sweets from their layer of the parcel, and the age range was 2-5 year olds.

And lets face it your DS is only 3, why should he (in his view) have to sit and conform when he can do more fun stuff? How many years will he have to rigidly conform whilst he is at School and work - some independence of spirit now will give him life and spirit later on when the pressure is on to do as everyone else does.

My DS, who is now 4, conforms when it suits him and then goes off to do his own thing when it doesn't - and that is a perfectly normal thing to do. He will concentrate for HOURS on something that interests him (like the telly for example ) and wander away from something that doesn't (things at nursery that he feels are babyish or too 'girly' for his liking).

It is difficult to shake off your fears when someone has planted them there, especially if you only have the one child. But I think you know in your own mind that he is is fine, and he sounds fine to me if that holds any weight, so trust your own judgement, and don't take others throwaway comments to heart (easier said than done I know!!).

HTH xxx

ps just a thought but does your SIL have any boys herself, if she doesn't then she won't really know what to expect of a 3yo boy anyway.....

Holly, as lots of others have said he just sounds like a normal 3yo boy to me. In my experience girls 'get' party games much quicker and like playing them more. Boys tend to do a game as long as they can see something in it for themselves then bugger off to do something more interesting - including joining other parties if they look like more fun (ie they have boys in them not just girls). Case in point today at a party playing pass the parcel. All the girls sat nicely to the end to see who won, boys went off to play after they got their sweets from their layer of the parcel, and the age range was 2-5 year olds.

And lets face it your DS is only 3, why should he (in his view) have to sit and conform when he can do more fun stuff? How many years will he have to rigidly conform whilst he is at School and work - some independence of spirit now will give him life and spirit later on when the pressure is on to do as everyone else does.

My DS, who is now 4, conforms when it suits him and then goes off to do his own thing when it doesn't - and that is a perfectly normal thing to do. He will concentrate for HOURS on something that interests him (like the telly for example ) and wander away from something that doesn't (things at nursery that he feels are babyish or too 'girly' for his liking).

It is difficult to shake off your fears when someone has planted them there, especially if you only have the one child. But I think you know in your own mind that he is is fine, and he sounds fine to me if that holds any weight, so trust your own judgement, and don't take others throwaway comments to heart (easier said than done I know!!).

HTH xxx

ps just a thought but does your SIL have any boys herself, if she doesn't then she won't really know what to expect of a 3yo boy anyway.....

OOOps - computer going wappy sorry everyone......