When was your dc's first actual, proper tantrum?

[bitzermaloney]

I think ds2 just had one. He is 13 months.

Wailing, throwing himself onto the floor while looking up at me to check I'm watching, beating fists on the floor...

This seems more than a tad early to me .

I don't think it's a sudden thing that starts when they're 2 .

DS is 18mo, and he and his friends have been experimenting with different ways to express their frustration and get what they want. It's unusual for them to last for more than a few minutes. I gather toddler tantrums can be somewhat more enduring.

I have been reading How to talk so your kids listen... and Playful Parenting. Both, particularly the latter, very helpful to me and DH in terms of approaches to help defuse some of the frustration for DS and us.

Sorry, meant to say that DS and friends have been doing this for some time now.

Yes I've got How to Talk, great book, been very useful for ds1.

You're right, it didn't last long at all - a couple of minutes. Tea wasn't ready fast enough, I think. Happened so suddenly and was so extreme ds1 and I just stood watching him in amazement. Then he gave up and started playing again.

Am sure ds1 didn't do that till he was at least 2 - maybe I was lucky!

Oh I remember this well,we were at Portmerion in Wales and he was having a splash about in the fountain,our mistake was to take him out of the water. He was 11 months old, he still loves the water now , he's 5

I would strongly recommend the Playful Parenting book if you found the How to Talk book on your wavelength.

It is nowhere near as well organised, and has a lot of anecdotes, but it is written with such a lot of respect for children (and their parents) that I have really appreciated it.

Although if you're on number two, perhaps you already know all this stuff (1st timer here ).

I strongly suspect dd2 has been having them since around 5 months, but obviously wouldn't have ascribed her behaviour to that at the time, but looking back... First definite tantrum at around 10months, when putting her into the buggy where she Did Not Want To Go. Only recognised that as that's what dd1 used to do (at a later age).

So I reckon definitely way earlier than 2, or even 1, if you've got a very strong minded bloody hard work child. Luck!

About 6 weeks ago, he was 2.7

I thought he had had proper tantrums earlier.. oh, ho ho ho...

no.

just wait.

Dd1 only ever had one (honestly!). She was about 20 months old and she literally threw herself onto the floor and screamed in the book shop because we told her we were only looking and not buying. Her wails of 'I waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnt aaaaaaaa booooooooooooooook' could be heard several streets away, I think!

DD2 was a talented and varied tantrum-artist by around the age of about 14 months iirc.

DS started at about 12 months and now at 16 months has full blown tantrums, including head banging which I can't stand. He was having one earlier so I put him in another room as I was sick of it, I came in 10 minutes later and he was still going strong, but was laid on the floor,legs up against the door kicking it, and screaming with a telephone against his ear, as if he was on the phone complaining. I couldn't help but smile . Wasn't so funny in the tesco yesterday however when I had to carry him kicking and screaming to the tills before he wrecked the entire cereal aisle

When I tell people what he's like they always say he's too young to have real tantrums and think I'm over reacting, then they see one and say "oh"

Oh and they can last upto an hour and no amount of distraction will make him forget what the reason for the tantrum was,he will go on and on. Really is a battle of wills.

15 months here. I took him out of his highchair (as requested) and put him on the floor so he went red/blue/rigid/silent cry and then launched himself head first onto the tiled floor. Scared the shit out of me.

This went on for a week and I learned to carry him to a carpeted surface and leave him be for a minute or two and then go in as if nothing ever happened and change the subject (story? upsy daisy?).

It lasted a looong week and then a few back teeth came through and I felt a bit like [lightbulb emocion]

Pirate, probably of no help, but dd1 used to have very 'emotional' tantrums, and the only thing that worked was sitting her on my lap (me sitting cross legged on the floor, her facing outwards), holding/cuddling her really tightly so she couldn't lash out (or move at all really), and rocking slightly whilst whispering sweet nothings in her ear. Distractions etc just used to wind her up. Sure you've tried all ways of dealing, just in case...

Luckily (kind of), dd2 basically tells me to bugger off until she's calmed down. She's very loud (healthvisitor said she'd never heard anything like it!), but there's nothing I can actually do until she calms down enough to stop writhing around on the floor and come for a cuddle.

Bless em.

Thanks Lukewarm, I did try the holding thing a while ago as I thought it might be a cry for attention thing, but he would go rigid and squirm and hit or headbutt me I've taken now to trying to ignore it, in the hope that when he see's he gets no attention (negative or positive) he will see it is pointless and stop. I am still waiting

So I will try your idea again and really hold him, because to be honest everything I've tried is not working so I'm glad of any help and ideas.

I know its because he's frustrated but the reasons for them are ridiculas,for instance he ripped the tray off his high chair and threw all his food on the floor just because I had a yorkshire pudding left on my plate and he didn't He way saying 'it's there, want dat' and I said no you've had yours that's mummy's and he blew his top. It carried on until bedtime and it takes all my patience not to smack him for it to be honest because it's every day, often several times over nothing

Blimey, pirate, sounds awful! Although Yorkshire puddings are awfully nice... Sounds like you've got the right idea about not giving him attention for it. Think I would have just given him a bit then scoffed the rest pdq. Anything for an easy life, me (or pick your battles as it's more commonly known). Although dd2 has been known to come and try to rip the food actually out of my mouth before, so doesn't necessarily work!