What behaviour should I expect from a 13 month old?

[curiousdave]

I am a but confused and was wondering what I should be doing in terms of parenting my 13 month old?

He is very curious and judging from other babies his age he's completely normal but I've noticed most of the mums doing a lot more discipling than I do. I wouldn't let DS hurt anyone/break anything/touch anything dangerous and I try and distract mostly but I'm beginning to feel that I should be doing more? I just assumed he wouldn't understand much at this age and more of less leave him to it to explore but he can be a 'free spirit' so is this an age I should try and reign him in a bit and promote more socially acceptable behaviour?

Sorry this post is badly worded and rambly, I don't really know how to get my point across. I'm just worried I'm setting myself up for having an over indulged child, although DS is such a lovely, good natured, happy baby at the moment.

Should I be doing more?

A tap on the hand or strapping them into a buggy if they snatch/get cross. I kind of thought that babies his age don't really know what sharing or snatching is but should he have boundaries at this age? I'm just pootaling along and thought what I was doing was 'right' (but I do know every child is different).

It really does depend on your child. Ds1 only needed to be told no gently and just did as he was told. However, ds2 now 17months seems to see the word no as a challenge. In general i discipline him by saying no with a soft voice, getting louder and stronger if necessary. Distraction if he is just exploring and hasn't hurt anyone. Getting down to his level and holding his arms and saying shush until he stops crying and then walking away if he wont. I do occasionally put him in the buggy but haven't yet felt the need to smack his hand.

I'm no expert but i think 13 months is old enough to understand no. My tips would be only say no when you mean it and always carry through with your refusal even if you change your mind. Reward for good behaviour not to bribe to be good, eg you got in your buggy first time when mummy asked you now you can have your milk NOT if you get in the buggy you can have your milk.

My DD is 13 months, and I know what you mean in terms of the differing parenting/discipline styles that become apparent around this age.

I'm with you on letting them explore. I very much pick my battles and only inforce 'No' when it's something potentially dangerous, or something is going to get broken. The rest of the time, I use distraction tactics or just let her get on with it. I spent countless hours trying to stop her getting hold of things like the remote control or my phone...and then realised that I was making life harder for us both. And really, what is the worst that can happen?!

If you can't be a free spirit at 13 months old, when can you? It's a wonderful age, where they are fascinated by the world around them...and can actually get to it all and explore it!

Thank you for your replies, Tilly yours was very reassuring! And Jolly I really like the 'reward not bribe' approach. I think I'll carry on as we are as long as nothing is dangerous or hurtful. As you say, what's the worst that can happen?

Sounds like you're doing everything right. My own experience of parenting groups was that many mums were desperate to prove themselves as disciplinarians, so started very early, far too early in my opinion. Try to ignore without judging.

I agree with tilly about picking your battles, there will be lots so save your energy for the important ones. Its fine to change your mind about something as long as you are consistent once you've made the decision. The remote control example is a good one.

I have been more careful this time about thinking about wider implications of behaviour i allow. For example, if a child likes opening kitchen cupboards and you let them have one safe item cupboard at home they are allowed to open, when you go to someone elses house they open all the cupboards. But if you say no to opening doors hopefully you'll have more chance of them not doing it elsewhere. Here's hoping anyway!!

yes jollyma but leaving a 13mth old alone in a strange kitchen is not a good idea anyway IMO they have to be watched like a hawk.

I'm very much in the 'pick your battles' camp and also the 'be realistic about age appropriate behaviour' one. I think it's really interesting how 'hard wired' some developmental stages are (eg was thinking the other day that dd had been about 15 months when she began picking up food from the tray in her highchair and deliberately throwing it on the floor. Put ds in high chair the DAY he turned 15 months and bingo....) and things like opening cupboards, deliberately droppping things, throwing things only last a short time usually. I've given mine old sets of keys, purses/wallets and phones to avoid difficulties. 'Unsocial' behaviour like snatching is also perfectly normal and it often takes kids a long time with lots of support and positive role modelling to learn to behave differently.

Completely agree but even sat right next to them you need to keep jumping up to close the doors! It was just an example. I think its such a dangerous age, they are so in to everything and very quick on their feet but have no sense of danger. Very good fun though!

Depends what you mean by discipline, really. For example my 13 month old thinks it's great fun to hurl toys across the room - I'm not 'telling him off' but I am saying no, don't throw it, and taking things off him if he keeps doing it.