Does anyone else have to lie in bed with 3 year old untill they are asleep?

[newstart2010]

My dd is 3, has always had problems with sleep, and has never went to sleep alone.

When she was younger I tried a few differnt sleep training methods including CC but never worked (or I did not keep them going long enough).

Anyway we still have to lie with dd to get her to sleep. I do not mind most of the time, but just wondering if anyone else is doing this? Or have done in the past and if it suddenly chnage and dc went to sleep alone?

A suggestion for you:

Get into bed with her. When she is at a point where she is warm and probably not going to get out of bed, tell her you are going to the toilet/similar short time errand. You can go back/not go back depending on the situation but you may find that she will then fall asleep without you there. You then increase the length of the errand - eg I am going to fold some washing up, sort something out etc...some nights I can put my DS in bed, get in for about 10 secs then tell him I need to do some washing. He goes to sleep...

really? how old is he?

My dd is very strong willed, and has always done her best to keep herself awake and is very good at it...

Good advice from Triangle.

DD1 is 9yo now and I did this around the age of 3 and tbh I still do it occasionally with her, if something is worrying her (friendships, school, nightmare etc) and have done it with her younger sister too (7yo).

Difference is now it's very much the exception - maybe once or twice a year. They both grew out of it -I always found breaking routine did it. A late night because of an adult party, or maybe away on holiday.

See, now I just read your post and think ahhhh, she's just 3, but I know what it's like to lie up there thinking...after 30 breaths, she'll be out like a light...and then seeing those eyes, still blinking!

I do this. I'm at work all day, she's at nursery, so it is precious time and I'm in no hurry to give it up. Hasn't ever caused problems with her waking at night or anything, so I never saw the point of "training" her to go to sleep by herself.

Both mine were like that... but I used to leave the bedroom door open and the landing light on and tell them I was just outside, doing jobs, sorting washing out etc. They could hear me pottering about and seemed happy with that.

I never, ever laid in the bed with them though.... thin end of wedge that one!

Hi, we had this with DD, it got so bad we wnet through a sleep clinic, this is the basic gist of what they said. Nine months on, we don't do the timer light, she goes to bed and to sleep without a fuss, she still sometimes gets up in the night but at a level that we can cope with.

When we talked to the clinic, we were advised to go down the gradual withdrawal method. We followed what they call a nightime hygiened routine although we have stopped this now as it didn't work for us as a family. This took place 15 minutes before bedtime so a quick but warm realxing bath, pyjamas and milk and then into bed. DD's natural falling asleep time was 8pm. So the idea was to get her into bed by 7.30, read to her until 7.45 or read and a massage and then we sit quietly on the sleepy cushion until DD is asleep and for 10 minutes after as this is how long it takes for children to fall into a deep sleep. If she woke in the night we took her back to bed and again sat on the sleepy cushion for 10 minutes after she went to bed. DD also has an ipod with stories on which lasts all night. You move the sleepy cushion every 3 nights until you are outside. Now we have introduced a light on a timer that she is not alowed out of her room until that comes on, we are working on that one though, but in 10 days the difference has been amazing. Yes she still wakes sometimes in the night but take last night, she cam in to our room at 12.15, and it was straight back to sleep without me having to stay there.

Have you read "The No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers"? I got this book when DS was about 18 months and it really helped me.

The gist was if you are happy with the arrangement, then it doesn't have to stop and most children will grow out of it eventually on their own. If you don't mind but wish it didn't take so long there are tips on how to make the time more efficient so you are only lying with them for 10-15 minutes. There is also lots of advice about bedtime routines etc.

If you do mind, there are several approaches you can use to move away from staying with them until they go to sleep. For example, moving further and further away from the bed over time until you're outside the door, etc. Or telling them you'll be right back and then leaving the room for a couple of minutes at a time, always returning but increasing the time away until they eventually fall asleep before you are back.

FWIW my DS was always a good sleeper but I fed and then later on cuddled him to sleep. When he moved into a bed it was easier as I could leave him once he was asleep without having to lift him. He has been happily waving me off downstairs for about 4 months now (unless he's having a wobble when I do stay with him a bit longer). I have realised what works is telling him something we are going to do tomorrow, then coming up with a reason I need to go downstairs (e.g. I need to wash your nice jumper if we're going to the park tomorrow). I tell him I will be back up soon to check on him but I need to do this said task before I go to bed. He accepts this and I go downstairs, and generally he now is asleep by the time I do check on him. He is 3.5 by and a very secure loving little boy - I don't regret those nights of cuddling him to sleep - it's just that now I also have his little sister and know that soon they will both be needing stories etc.

HTH

As I said its not really a problem, but sometimes i feel everyone else's dcs are put into bed and just go to sleep.

When she was younger I used to spend hours putting her to bed, but now it is 30mins - 1hour so not that bad...

PS In the last few weeks it has been less of me making an excuse and more of me kissing im goodnighht and going downstairs . So real progress!!

newstart - My DS is 4, but I can sometimes get it to work with my DD, who is 2.

Another thing, if your DD is very much awake, then perhaps you could put bedtime back half an hour so that she is more tired before getting into bed.

Everyone else's DCs do not just go to bed! Someone admitted to me that they put a TV in their 3yo's room so that the 3yo could watch it til he fell asleep. She just didn't know how to get him to sleep so found a solution - some people's DCs go to bed OK, plenty don't so you shouldn't feel alone with this. I can admit to taking my DS for a drive at 10pm when he was 2yo to get him to sleep!!

I lie in bed all bloody night with my three year old. MY bed that is < sigh >

He wont be there when he is 12 i am sure.

"but sometimes i feel everyone else's dcs are put into bed and just go to sleep. "

No, no they don't really. My dd2 is a fab sleeper - will take herself to bed if she's really tired BUT, even she has her off nights.

Thank you everyone for the great tips and forletting me know i am not alone.