21 month, speech delay, other behavourial issues

[Flook76]

Hello

First post ever on Mumsnet, would love a bit of advice.
DS1 is now 21 months and has no words - babbles only - has never said anything (apart from we really thought he said "daddy" once, but never again).
We've been referred to a specialist - have been waiting 4 months for the appt and due end of Oct.
He did suffer a series of febrile convulsions between the ages of 6 and 12 months (and touch wood nothing since), but his consultant doesn't think that has played a part.
Recently he's become really aggressive - hitting other children, scratching, pulling hair - totally unprovoked. Do you think this could be linked to frustration at lack of speech, or just part of normal toddlerhood?

Also, he as a very strange way of playing - no symbolic play, will just spend hours gathering together things of the same kind and putting them in little 'collection points' around the house / garden. Or posting them into a box / laundry basket etc.
For about 4 months it was balls, but recently he's moved onto crayons. He does operate in his own little world - eg take him to a puppet show, and he won't look at the puppets at all, is just intent on gathering bits of paper off the floor into a collection point.

BUT his eye contact is great - he interacts with adults and children and cats (we have 2) really well. He's a happy smiley boy, and does want me to be involved in his play, depsite being limited to collection points.

I know I really have to wait for the assessment - and it could just be delayed development as he only starting clapping / waving and point last month (20 months) and walked at 19 months - so it could be that symbolic type play will come later.
I just wondered if anyone had similar experiences, and what the outcomes might have been?

Hi Flook

Just wanted to say that I am going through a similar experience with my 21 month old DS - he has an appointment in October as well. My DS has very few words and also likes gathering objects (usually stacking cups) and carrying them around with him. He has reached all his milestones late (apart from fine motor skills)and still can't walk, though I think he has a problem with his legs as he only started to weight-bare a month ago. However, like your DS, he is very sociable and enjoys playing ball with other people, and loves people to play with him. Speaking personally, I am worried about ASD, although I have made a real effort in the last couple of weeks and he will now play with other toys too (e.g toy telephone). I also recently taught him to point as he wasn't doing it instinctively.

I posted my concerns a couple of days ago on the special needs board and got some lovely, helpful responses.

see here

Good luck with your appointment

Hi Zen

Thanks so much for that - your post on the SN board brought tears to my eyes as I understand exactly how you feel. The responses were really good too (esp about the glasses of wine!).
I'm worrying about my little man a lot - sleepless nights etc. It seems a long wait until October. Also the aggressive behaviour recently is very stressful.

Perhaps they are just operating on their own little timeframes, and they will get there eventually. I tell myself this on good days. Then on the bad days I can just see how very different hs is from his comtemporaries, and how he seems to be falling further and further behind, and it's quite hard to be positive.

Good luck to you too - keep me posted. x

That obsession with particular objects was something my son had. (he didn't speak 'til 3y and 4m). First glasses cases, then cups, then door handles. the strangest things..... would fascinate him.

His good eye contact is a great sign though.

How about getting a big picture dictionary (with PHOTOS, not drawings) and teaching him the some functional language. Milk, Bread... look at the photos together and you say the word over and over again. don't worry if he is not responding. the picture and the sound together will be giving him a 'hook' upon which to hang the word (sound) when he does learn it.

If you like you could cut out pictures of milk,bread, banana, cracker, water, tv, favourite toy? jacket etc.. BED, Buggy, Nappy, then laminate them.

This will ease his frustrations. (and it's the basis of PECs, and it may turn out that you need to use pecs for a while)

Yes great idea ValiumSingleton

I've tried baby signing with him, but he's never done it. I'll compile a picture book for him.
He seems to understand everything I say him, just can't form words himself.
We're having a hearing test in 2 weeks (although he can hear the Waybuloo music from next doot and hotfoots it through when that's on, which I take as encouraging sign on all fronts!)

Flook, I know exactly what you mean about on good days hoping it is "just" developmental delay. There are times like today when DS has been very interactive and chatty (in his own language, of course ) when I think, 'oh yes, he is definately making progress, just slower than his contemporaries'. But on bad days, when he rocks in his pushchair and rolls his eyes or doesn't seem to be taking in anything, then I compare him to his contempories (or even younger babies of 16/17 months) and think how atypical he is. I think I could deal with it better if it was only the walking which was the problem.

I can imagine the aggressive behaviour being stressful for you (mind you I think a lot of toddlers go through this stage, including my DS2!). Maybe your DS is frustrated that he can't vocalise his needs. My DS3 isn't aggressive as such, but does have terrible tantrums if you say "no" to him. Throws himself backwards and screams on the floor, sometimes lasting 20 minutes. It's hard to discern if it's the beginning of the terrible twos or something else.

Please keep me posted on your DS too!

It is so hard to know what to do at this age. I did get some questions answered by a speech path at speechtails.com. I am using it with my daycare children and it is really fun. Good Luck

Wow, I could almost write your post word for word! It's a bit late now, but will post tomorrow when less tired.

Thanks Stretch

I'd love to know your story. It helps I think knowing other people are in the same situation, and perhaps this sort of thing is more common than we think.

Hi
I am an early intervention specialist working with children aged 18 months upwards... Dx at this stage is a difficult process and there are a huge lack of services so parents tend to get fobbed off with the wait and see approach,
however early intervention is crucial- in the states intervention programmes are put into place as soon as a child begins to show any delay with developmental
milestones... and they regularly work with children from as young as 9 months ...
Children are never too young to benefit from extra support and you guys sound like very proactive parents...
Do share your concerns with your HV and push for referals... and don't let them fob you off with the age thing !!! I would hope that you could at least get some portage in place and go from there
am happy for anyone to email me in this topic if that would help
[email protected]

I would say that HVs are not always the best for recommendations. Try self referral, go to GP, ask to see a pead. Make a list of behavious that you think are odd and pester your GP. What specialist are you going to see? in our area, we have teams formed of pedeatrician, speech therapist and behavioural psychologist who evaluate and check many aspects of development, but you have to have three areas of concerns. Speech delay on its own is not enough to get an appointment with that team. If, for example, you have some concerns about not reaching physical milestones, language and aggressive behaviour that would be enough to get an appointment.

I have a three yera old boy who has a speech delay, and he only starting saying words at 2.5. He took ages to sign (I did signing with older DS and he got it within a few weeks, DS2 took Ages and ages). I would say to persevere, be consistent, try to have 5 or 6 signs that you will use every single time you use the word and he will eventually get it.

As for behaviour, some children hit/bite/pull hair even if they can express themselves. Others don't - my DS with speech delay is significantly more aggressive than my first son, and he has more tantrums but I don't know if it's personality or lac of speech.