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Very stressed and volatile 8yo ds2...needs to do homework today...

12 replies

HamsterPoo · 05/09/2010 16:16

...bad enough when it's just me dealing with it but my mother is staying and she gets stressed when he does, which DOES NOT HELP.
He shouts, swears and screams (he is a lovely little boy just has big stress problems!) and I don't know how to get him to actually sit down and do his homework without massive scenes.

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invisibleink · 05/09/2010 16:30

Bribery? Grin

HamsterPoo · 05/09/2010 16:33

I have nothing to bribe him with!! Just spent my last pennies on loo rolls
Plus, his stress doesn't submit to much

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invisibleink · 05/09/2010 16:34

Sorry, didnt mean to be flip. I do feel for you. Can you tell your mother to leave the room so she doesnt create more stress? Does he need you to sit with him while he does it?

SleepingLion · 05/09/2010 16:39

Don't make him do it. At 8, he is old enough to understand actions and consequences - explain to him that he can choose to do it or not but that the consequence of not choosing to do it will be that he has to explain to his teacher why it isn't done and accept the consequences of that. Then let school deal with it.

EccentricaGallumbits · 05/09/2010 16:41

he's 8. if it's causing that much stress and angst he doesn't need to do it.

Goblinchild · 05/09/2010 17:07

Agreed. If children don't do homework, the consequence is they stay in at lunchtime and do it with my support.
You need to work with the school on his stress now though, especially if he's using an outburst to avoid doing something he doesn't want to.

PixieOnaLeaf · 05/09/2010 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

HamsterPoo · 05/09/2010 21:22

Thanks for the replies. He is now doing stage one (3 tasks!) and worried that hehas left it so late
He dpes absolutely need supervision and encouragement because he finds writing difficult.
i havespoken to theschool about his stress before. It seems to go in phases, very severe at times. But he very rarely shows it at school.

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HamsterPoo · 05/09/2010 21:24

He really doesn't know how to control his stress. Don't know how to help him.

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Stillcounting · 06/09/2010 13:54

Not sure I should be offering advice as my dd can be very volatile .. and part of that is a reaction to stress I think (I'm a worry-wart so not a good role model in that regard)

But, fwiw, how about sitting him down at a time when you are both calm and you don't have visitors and asking him (a) what does he think would help him to get his homework done on time? and (b) how can he help himself to manage his own stress levels?

eg in answer to (a) possible answers could be: no tv, a little bit every day,snack before starting work, discussing different options with teacher etc etc and (b) punch a pillow, run around the garden, go to bed earlier etc etc

(This is a technique gleaned from one of the trillions of parenting bks I have read btw in search of solutions myself - not original idea by any means.)

You then write down his suggestions very seriously - you can add suggestions to the list too - no discussion or interruptions on either side allowed at this point. When list is you then assess the different ideas together (you gently rule out more far-fetched ones such as lunar rocket beaming me away on homework nights) and you should be left with some workable solutions which you then write out and formally agree to follow.

The idea behind the technique is that it puts the child more in control of themselves and the situatiosn they find themselves in (a stress reliever in itself) and they are more likely to follow the new 'rules' if they have had a hand in making them.

HTH. I've tried it with dd several times and it does take effort to follow through consistently but it has (nearly!) always improved the situation to some extent (in one instance hugely so).

Good luck with it!

Stillcounting · 06/09/2010 13:55

When list is ... complete ... (that should have read)

HamsterPoo · 07/09/2010 20:19

Thanks, that sounds good. I will try it Smile

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