baby, toddler and "sharing"

[pancakequeen]

I am struggling with what to do at the moment DD (8 mos) is suddenly very mobile and will barge through ds's games pulling out all his toys breaking his duplo etc, he get's upset and starts shouting and snatching she cries etc.

If I am not in the room I do use a playpen but don't want to just keep her in there all the time and I do encourage DS to use the table to play on or the sofa but she is getting up there too now, they also share a bedroom so that isn't a safe haven either! I swing between trying to get him to "share" which doesn't really work because she only wants what he is actually holding, and trying to move her away constantly.... any ideas?

How old is DS? She won't be able to share properly for a good few months, and your DS will have to learn to share. Distraction is better in the interim IMHO

I think it gets worse before it gets better. I have 3yo dd and 17mo dd and we have had the battle of the dolly this morning. 3yo NEVER played with dolly until 17mo decided it was her favourite toy - gah!

tbh I find myself avoiding playing games with 3yo dd that I know her little sister will just detroy with gleeful 17mo uber-enthusiasm!

Building towers with blocks is good if you can get your toddler excited about knocking them down..............

Taking turns works in our house (3yo finds this more palatable than sharing). I get the 3yo to give her sister a "turn" then distract the 3yo so she forgets that she was playing with it first - works sometimes :)

i encourage mine to share, but i don't force it.

i make sure to remove the baby if he is getting in the way with lots of "no ds3, you musn't break ds2's game" or whatever. because i think it's important that the older ones realise that you are on their side too and that baby doesn't always get their way

i do a lot of distraction with the little one to stop him spoiling games
but also if i am playing with one of the older ones I will maybe have the baby on my lap, or ask the others to let him play with a bit of whatever they're doing so that they are all happy.

our biggest problem atm is wooden railway. ds3 rips it up faster than you can build it!
we try and do certain things only when the baby is in bed. for example ds1 does lego, go-gos and stuff like that while the baby is asleep so that we don't have to worry about it

it's ongoing tho, there are no solutions, you just have to keep on removing and distracting and encouraging sharing when it's safe to do so

thisisyesterday You are SOOO right about the older DCs, if they can see you sympathise with them and don't say 'oh he's just a baby let him have his way' they will be happier to allow the baby turns or whatever.

I used to tell DD1 to go and play with her stuff on the windowsill (very wide), up at the table or on the sofa (when DD2 couldn't get up there)

As others have said, sharing concept will not work yet ii imagine

Sorry, just noticed you said DD can get onto the sofa. How about the dining table? Also make sure DS makes the most of his time alone when DD is napping to bring out 'smaller' toys

thanks everone for your ideas, i guess there are no solutions! DS is nearly three so get's the concept of sharing, but I feel that if any other child came in and snatched and broke the toys they would get told off but obv wouldn't do that to 8mo! think I am struggling as our living space is very small so if one game is out that's pretty much the whole floor! usually we are ok but it's if I have to cook the dinner or wash up or put the washing away the problems start! Think I need to be more organised with my time

I found setting my two up with something to do (i.e building blocks with 8mo and railway with 3yr old) just before starting to prepare food etc gives me at least 10 mins of relative peace...

I think you can start to tell an 8mo "no" and like another MNer said, it's good for older child to realise you have boundaries for both children.