four year old behaving badly around other people

[fattybum]

Is this normal? Just had a quick, unexpected visit from my mum, who 2 ds's adore. Haven't seen her for a couple of weeks due to ds1's bad behaviour when she is around. His behaviour often seems to deteriate when we are around others, particularly my family. When it's just me and the two boys, he can be really good, reasonable, polite etc. He was fine when she first arrived, but then as soon as he finished his dinner, he started climbing all over her even though she was still eating hers. At first I didn't say anything because she feels I need to let her deal with things, but after a few minutes of her not saying anything, I had to say "let granny eat her dinner before you climb over her" to which he basically carried on anyway. Then he started running round the room making silly noises. This in itself is not a problem, it's just the fact that he does it so loudly that it is disruptive to anyone else. In the end I just manhandled him upstairs and firmly told him that the bad behaviour must stop NOW or he will be staying upstairs. I just get so fed up of dreading any family visits/outings because he's going to try to spoil it all. I tried to speak to him about when I was putting him to bed, and he seems genuinly sorry, but doesn't grasp exactly what he's doing wrong. I do try to explain, but I can see it's just not getting through. Any advice/experience greatly received!

He's four, he's excited. They do that. He'll grow out of it. Changes in routine really do seem to set them off.

Avoid surprises and you won't get surprising behaviour. I know it's hard but they do get more sensible.

I wouldn't mind if this was out of character, but he always seems to play up more around my family, especially my mum. Am I just expecting too much? is this totally normal behaviour then?

It's entirely normal for kids to play up when they know they can get away with it. I suspect granny is quite indulgent with them and that doesn't help.

very indulgent, it's bloody annoying. I know that I've got to let her deal with things her way, but I just wish she would back me up more, tell him off more. I think SHE should be asking him to stop climbing on her until she's finished, not me! I think that's half the problem, and ds1 knows it. Grrr.

Well you are the parent. In her shoes I'd be reluctant to barrack your child and risk you being pissed off TBH. :)

Talk to her (when he's not around).

Oh, I don't think I can ever talk to her about this stuff again! Believe me, we've discussed it, and it all comes down to her thinking I am too strict, which I think is rubbish, so we just have to avoid the subject or stop seeing each other. I'm just trying to allow her to do her own thing with them from now on, just wish I didn't have to be there to watch!

This coud be me writing this post except my ds is just 6 and still no signs of him calming down when guests are around. It drives me mad especially the noises.

Stop abdicating responsibility - all parents have funny ideas about parenting!

Just be very clear about what specific behaviours you want her to reinforce (for example 'DS is not allowed to jump on anyone else when they are eating').

Oh no, six! does this mean I have to put up with this behaviour for at least two years!!

I know it seems like I'm making excuses, but honestly I have spoken to my Mum about so many things regarding the kids and it's actually driving a wedge between us. I have asked simple things like remind them to say please and thank you, don't just let them help themselves to food in her house, generally just reinforce polite behaviour and manners and she just doesn't do it, so to ask her things like "tell them not to jump on you whilst you are eating" is a waste of time. She just doesn't think any of this stuff is important. Sorry if I seem negative, i've just had enough of it! I'm looking forward to ds1 starting school and then maybe it won't matter so much.