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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Punishing a three year old. Your opinions please.

23 replies

Yorkiegirl · 31/08/2005 20:58

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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JoolsToo · 31/08/2005 21:00

Good work YG! I think you've handled it very well.

Your dd is trying it on - as they all do - be strong and make sure she knows who's in charge!

giraffeski · 31/08/2005 21:00

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gigglinggoblin · 31/08/2005 21:01

you shouldnt be letting her get away with it but a more immediate punishment might be better, rather than her having to remember the next day what she did wrong. also taking away something she already has has more of an impact than not giving her something she has not yet got - she hasnt really 'lost' anything iyswim. dont think shes too young for naughty step

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Yorkiegirl · 31/08/2005 21:01

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Yorkiegirl · 31/08/2005 21:01

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chicagomum · 31/08/2005 21:02

why does she think that you are the problem? dd who is also three has the habit of doing this too and like you we have withdrawn treats etc. she gets sent to her room immediately if she does anything physical (gets a warning first if it is some other form of misbehaviour) has to stay in there quietly for 3 mins (due to her age) and think about what she's done then we go in and she has to apologise stating what she is sorry for. i think it is a fustration thing and she lashes out before she's realised what she's doing (dh has been "got" in that area several times)

gigglinggoblin · 31/08/2005 21:02

cos she is her grandma and all grandparents think their grandkids are perfect? and grandkids always behave better at grandparents house? or is that just my family?

WigWamBam · 31/08/2005 21:03

Because your mum is looking at parenting through rose-tinted glasses and with the benefit of hindsight and many years distance. You did the right thing - she has to know that her behaviour is going to have consequences that affect her as well as you.

Original poster

Yorkiegirl · 31/08/2005 21:04

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gigglinggoblin · 31/08/2005 21:05

you sometimes have to use naughty step a few times before it sinks in. ds1 was on it 3 times the other morning before he got the message, but he did get the message. you are right to do something about the behaviour

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Yorkiegirl · 31/08/2005 21:07

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gigglinggoblin · 31/08/2005 21:08

supernanny is on 4 now with a child who keeps kicking his parents. he has just given his mum a split lip

WigWamBam · 31/08/2005 21:25

I know my dd is a little older than yours, but sometimes she responds better to being told I'm very disappointed in her than she does to being sent to the naughty step. Even when she's behaving badly, deep down she still wants approval - and getting disappointment instead sometimes stops the behaviour.

Don't take any notice of your mum - she's just forgotten what 3 year olds are like!

bosscat · 31/08/2005 21:29

you did the right thing. ds1 isn't violent but can be verbally very cruel. I nip it in the bud by sending him to bed (ha ha) where he shouts about how horrible and smelly I am etc etc and then I go up when the shouting stops, explain what he's done wrong, ask for an apology and we're all friends again. If he won't apologise I tell him I'm taking all his trains back to the shop and he says sorry quick enough!

Roobie · 31/08/2005 21:33

My 3yo dd has also started being a right little pig when she doesn't get her own way (hitting, shouting at me like a right little madam etc...)- I also find that sending her to her room works a treat. It takes a few attempts at yelling like a fishwife before she stomps off there but after a few minutes crying on her bed she eventually comes out all sheepish and apologetic.

caligula · 31/08/2005 21:34

Agree that your mum is remembering herself as a perfect parent.

But tbh I think 3, even a bright 3, is too young to have a treat taken away from her the next day, because there's just too much distance in her own mind between the kicking incident at night and the next day's treat - I think they just can't connect two things so far apart at that age, so I'm not sure she would understand that the withdrawal of the treat is a direct result of her bad behaviour the day before. All the experts say make the punishment immediate for that age of child (not sure when you can start threatening things in the future though - my DS is 6, and I can now threaten future punishments with him and remind him that "we're not doing that because you did x on xday (four days ago)" and he understands. But I honestly can't remember when that started to be effective.)

Roobie · 31/08/2005 21:35

.. and yes, when I do this in front of my mum I get told I'm being too harsh (mum taken in by piteous, pathetic, hurt look on her face when crying!)

Katemum · 31/08/2005 21:43

Was the telly turned off suddenly or did you give her a warning that it was going off? I find that I have less problems with moving my ds away from an activity he is enjoying if i give him a couple of minutes warning first. I also try and time the telly needing to go off with the adverts.
Think you were right in withdrawing a treat but also agree that at her age it should be something more immediate.

gingerbear · 31/08/2005 22:01

Hi Yorkie, threenagers huh? DD has started this defiance with me now and again. If she hits me I grab her firmly and say no, 'that hurts mummy' then she often follows up with a frustrated 'Bloody Hell Fire' - picked up from her grandad! I try to ignore the cursing as she knows it is wrong to say it and is trying to provoke a reaction from me. Mostly it works, but now and again I have to withdraw treats too. Have you tried the pasta jar or star chart ideas yet? I haven't, but might try. I think it may help if she knows she will be rewarded for good behaviour and punished for bad.

bobbybob · 01/09/2005 09:56

Ds is allowed to press the remote for our garage door once he has got onto his booster seat and let me strap him in without messing about.

The other day he messed about, threw the contents of my handbag everywhere and was laughing at me. So I told him unless he behaved that minute he wasn't going to his music group. instant behaviour and in the seat in seconds.

My mum then asked him if he would like to open the garage door and was very miffed when I announced that he couldn't because he'd messed about. Ds was devastated (for a minute anyway) but he has gone in the seat no messing since.

bobbybob · 01/09/2005 09:58

My point though was that ds couldn't understand that it was the first attempt that had got him the garage door remote ban.

He looked confused because he had just got into the seat in record time on the second attempt.

So with hindsight the punishment needed to be more immediate.

Twiglett · 01/09/2005 10:10

you did the right thing if you warned her and told her then you have to carry through otherwise you're setting up empty threats

your mother is trying to make herself feel important I think, if you find the opportunity tell her where she can get off

Original poster

Yorkiegirl · 01/09/2005 14:56

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