Help! Food battles with 2 year old

[Maria2007loveshersleep]

My DS is 2 years old, is growing well, is tall for his age, healthy, lively & talkative. Our problem is food & I think DP & I haven't been successful implementing better habits for his mealtimes. We have been following the 'live and let live' style for feeding him (also called too lazy to be bothered style!!)

Currently it has got to the point that he refuses all cooked food (except for rare exceptions, maybe fishfingers or fries once in a blue moon) & sustains himself on:

-bagels
-lots of fruit
-juice (he wants far too much of this)
-grilled cheese sandwiches
-yoghurts
-Ella's kitchen veg pouches
-loads of milk (in bottle)
-....and (I hang my head in shame) sweets / desserts sometimes when we're too tired.

I love cooking, cook for me & DP every day, & it's an important part of our lives. I would love to have more structured mealtimes. But how to go about it? What have you found works with an opinionated 2 year old?

For example, one question: when he refuses his meals (as I said he does this constantly) should I be offering bagel/fruit/toast/juice etc directly after or should I just let him have a tantrum, some fruit a couple of hours later, and an offer of another meal at dinner time?

Any thoughts / ideas appreciated.

Just to add: so far I've been of the opinion that he'll eat when he's hungry and just let him be & give him what he wants (within reason) but the situation seems to be getting progressively worse!

(also to add- and sorry for the PSs!- DS has been waiting in the night for one bottle of milk in the last 3-4 months, something which again we've ignored as it's usually early on but which we keep giving in to in case he's hungry).

I don't think you should offer alternative food. The only time I will get DD (2.4) something different is if I have tried giving her something new and she tries it but dosen't like it.

I don't have feeding problems with DD so my advice might not be much help. When she is not at nursery, we all eat together, having the same meals. If she doesn't want to eat something, I never push her to. Dessert is fruit or yogurt (ice cream very occasionally). She does not have to finish the main course to get dessert. If she doesn't eat much I do not offer anything extra until the next meal or snack time.

This is exactly what happens at her nursery. I think the consistent message is important.

Thanks Running. All these ideas are good.

I don't give DS alternative food, I give him snack food when he refuses his main meal (so I give him bread / bagel / cheese / fruit) which is something we've gotten into doing without me actually believing it's a good idea, it's just sort of happened over time, I'm ashamed to say, mainly to avoid food battles.

All eating together would be lovely EXCEPT DS doesn't touch most of the stuff we eat: stew, soup, veggie meals, anything with veg in it for that matter, anything with sauce, are all a no-no. Again, this is something that's developed over time :(.

I'm looking forward to DS starting nursery mid-september (3 days a week) as I'm hoping his eating may improve there. And I hope to bite the bullet, put up with tantrums for a while, in order to implement a healthier eating plan...

DD certainly is better at nursery. I think it is the example of other children eating that helps. Plus the children realise that staff do not give in!

Not liking sauces or 'mixed up food' is quite common. DD loves vegetables and often says she does not want meat (unlike virtually every other toddler). Her favourites are roasted sweet potato slices, roasted parsnip and carrots. She will also eat tomatoes and slices of raw red pepper. These are all sweet and easy to eat, so could be a good starting point.

DD gets put off if there is too much on her plate. So I usually only put a couple of slices of each on at first and then offer her more from my plate if she wants. I aslo find that she will eat something she is less keen on (eg. meat) if it is next to something that she does like.

The other thing that can help is to involve the child in preparing the meal. So you could try making simple pizzas and let him help sprinkle the cheese on. Or fill pittas with cheese, ham, peppers etc. Arranging food to make a face can be fun and then laugh about whether to eat the 'eyes' or 'nose' first.

Actually the food yr DS is eating is perfectly acceptable, why not give it to him while you eat YR food with him so he sees yours. (we don't all eat the same it's not a big deal). I make my GDs' toys eat and she likes that.

Ppeatfruit, we often do that, ie DS eats his stuff & we eat our stuff, and I do accept & expect that a 2 year old may not be willing to try different things eg stew.

But my point is that we've reached a situation of complete fussiness where any meal is rejected regardless of whether we're sitting with him or not, and he expects to have a bagel (or similar) instead of meal. Taking into account the fact that toddlers are notoriously fussy when it comes to eating, I still think we're not dealing with the whole thing in a good way & it's getting progressively worse.

The other problem is that (as I wrote above) he's started waking in the night again in the last 3-4 nights in order to drink a bottle of milk. Last night he woke twice, once at midnight & once at 4 am, for milk (most nights it's once). I think this is getting a bit ridiculous, surely a 2 year old doesn't need all these bottles of milk in the night! But because he's not eating well in the day it's become a vicious cycle.

We've reached the end of our tether for lack of sleep & I'm just wondering what changes to make in his daily menu (without pressuring him too much) in order to help things along a bit.

Sorry, meant he's been waking in the night again for milk for the last 3-4 months, not days. So it's quite a long time that this is going on, and the waking is getting progressively worse, as is the eating. I tend to think the 2 may be related.

Would he just have water at night? I never gave my DCs bottled milk at night. Maybe give him his last meal just before he goes to bed, also try giving him fruit before his bagel (it's better for the digestion).

Sorry maria for some reason I can't post more than 5 lines of text (I don't know why). You could put the water bottles in his cot so he could help himself. Maybe a bottle with milk and filler before bedtime.

Have tried water half-heartedly, hasn't worked before. But we'll probably at some point in the near future take the plunge & stop the milk in the night altogether because I think it's a big part of spoiling his appetite during the day.

Could try the water bottles in the cot, good idea.

He does drink a big bottle of milk right before bedtime so I'm not entirely sure it's hunger that wakes him...

You could add ground rice or similar to his bedtime milk (enlarge the hole in the teat!). IMO just milk won't fill a 2yr. old for a night.

Oooh, you think? Hadn't thought of that (thought ground rice in bottle is not safe)? Hadn't occurred to me that most 2 year olds wake in the night for milk as a matter of course? Most I know don't... .

I've recently discovered nightime milk from HIPP, it has added cereals here which is suitable up to 3yrs. Ds (17mo) was waking for a nighttime feed about 3/4ish but since I've started giving him the nighttime milk he will now go to 6.30 before he wakes which is much better and he's eating better at breakfast/during the day too.

To be honest, so far I had assumed that DS is waking just because of habit (being able to settle back to sleep only with bottle) but now you lot are putting doubts in my mind .

I have thought, it's true, that the fact that he doesn't eat well during the day might be affecting his night time sleep, but I tend to think that it makes more sense to cut the night time bottles (not the bedtime one, I mean the ones after) in order to increase his daytime appetite. Or am I thinking of this the wrong way around?

Really, as I said, it hadn't occurred to me that a 2 year old might be waking solely due to hunger... I thought so far it was habit / sleep association thing (connected to bottle).

Might try the nighttime milk thing, lindsell, thanks!

There you are maria good luck

Tbh there probably is a large element of habit in it too! I found that to cut out the night time feeds I started ds on the nighttime milk for a few nights so he got used to it and then got dh to go to him if he woke in the night (I was still bfing for those feeds) for 3 nights then although he was waking from habit he wasn't so hungry anymore so he could go back to sleep with just patting/soothing rather than needing milk to go back to sleep iyswim, since then (touch wood!) he hasn't woken in the night or if he has he's gone back to sleep quickly without us having to go in.

I think you are thinking of it the right way around - cut the middle of the night milk to increase eating during the day.

for the daytime eating - have you tried things like the ellas kitchen italian sauce on some pasta? ds completely refused to eat pasta before I tried that but as he likes the ella's kitchen stuff (and I squeezed it out of the pouch onto the pasta in front of him so he could see I wasn't fobbing him off with something homemade ) he got used to eating the pasta and will now eat pasta with pretty much anything on it

Lindsell, I'll try the nighttime milk next week when we return home (we're still on holiday). And the ellas kitchen italian sauce sounds good too, will try it.

Any other tips about fussy eaters which might work?

You could try sitting his fave toy at the table and get him or you to serve the toy with the food YOU are eating and make the toy say things like 'Wow this is fab!' And don't worry he'll grow out of it!

Yr. DS may be a little young but when i was a nanny my charges ate porridge (much healthier than most boxed cereals IMO) at breakfast while i told them the Goldilocks story. They LOVED it!!

My DD would wake in the night (about 5am) when she hadn't had enough to eat at teatime. It was only very occasionally but when she was going through a fussy phase at about 3 I realised that it was definitely a pattern so I got stricter on the food.

I would offer weetabix for pudding if we were trying something new that she didn't like, but I didn't make a habit of giving her something else so that she wouldn't assume she didn't have to eat the food on offer.

I don't think milk in the night or rice in a bottle is going to help you. It's not addressing the issue. And I don't think it's normal for a 2 year old to wake for milk unless it's habit which you can break by watering down the milk gradually.

I think it's going to be hard work for a while, while you break the habits (like the bagels and the milk in the night). Can you have a sort of buffet meal so that there are different things that he likes - maybe including half a bagel and small amount of fruit but so that he has to pick some other things to fill up. Then you can vary what you offer as he gets used to the idea of actually eating what's on the table at mealtimes. I also think eating together is important regardless if you're eating the same food.

Oh and lastly, we do 'engines' with DD - Thomas and friends go off to bed in the engine shed. Realy it's when she's tired or can't be bothered - a bit of a coaxing game. I load up the sppoon/fork and she eats Gordon, Henry, Percy etc!

Ppeatfruit: brilliant idea about the porridge!! My DS loves the goldilocks story, will definitely try it...

WhatagradeA: I actually agree that it's not that normal for a 2 year old to be waking up in the night for milk, I do think it's more habit rather than hunger, but I suppose it wouldn't hurt for a few nights (while we break the waking in the night for milk habit by watering down etc) to give 'goodnight milk' just to be sure he's not that hungry... Buffet meal sounds good.

Will take note of all these suggestions & will start implementing these ideas, will see how it goes :).

Also Maria what's 'normal'? we're all different, maybe yr. DS is having a growth spurt. Go by yr. instincts and DON"T WORRY

Sorry, didn't mean 'normal' as in 'every 2 year old necessarily does this or that'. I meant that it's clear to me it's much more a habit than anything else as it's happening in the last 3 months without exception, every night.

But yes you're right about not worrying, generally I just want ideas to make things better gradually & creating better eating habits for DS (as much as possible for a year old old lol!), without putting too much pressure on him & me!